The Big Questions

Don't know why people are interested in this stuff, but here goes... Thirty Questions you're dying to know the answers to:

1. What's currently in the cd player? Kenny Wayne Shepherd - Ledbetter Heights

2. Was was the first name of your last 'conquest'? Her name was Lola. She walked like a woman and talked like a man! Are you kidding me--I can't answer that in a public forum. My second-to-last conquest might be reading this...

3. What's the cheesiest tourist attraction in your hometown? Hmm...lots of competition for that one, but I'd have to go with the Liberace museum.

4. Ever been? Not yet. The Elvis-a-Rama museum is higher on the list.

5. What was the last concert you went to? Hmmm....Jimmy Buffett, in 2003. Damn, has it been that long?

6. What snack food were you munching on within the last 24 hours? Basil/Parmesan Wheat Thins.

7. Are you a Beatles man or and Elvis man? Elvis. By a long shot.

8. Chuck Norris or Jack Bauer, and why? Well, Chuck Norris gets mad props for the porn 'stache and his superior musical talent, but Jack Bauer is like a cross between McGuyver and Jackie Chan, so I'm going with Special Agent Bauer. Besides, chicks dig CTU guys.

9. What's your favorite booze? A little vague, don't you think? Why not ask me which one is my favorite child??? Ok, since I don't have kids... For beer, it's probably Pacifico or Michelob Light. (Although I tried that Michelob Ultra Amber last week and it was pretty good). For red wine, I like Pinot Noir from Oregon. White wine, I like that French stuff--Pouilly Fousse (sp?). Of course my favorite liquor is Rum, but don't ask me what my favorite rum is--too many to list. I don't have a favorite shot. I'll drink whatever you put in front of me. Except Jagermeister. I hate that shiat. But I'll still shoot it given enough peer pressure.

10. What was the last movie you've seen? In the theatre--Dead Man's Chest. At home, War of the Worlds. (Which by the way sucked complete ass)

11. Who is the most famous person you've ever met? I dunno, I've met several briefly, but the most famous one I've ever actually carried on a conversation with for more than a few minutes was Lynn Swann, old Steelers wideout. Same thing with Joe Namath.

12. If you had your choice, which trait would you most like to have-- Invisibilty, X-Ray vision, or the Ability to Fly? Wouldn't want to be invisible, because according to tv and movies, you must run around naked. I'd at least need a good pair of invisible sandals if I went that route, but I'd still be afraid of sunburn and the sudden loss of invisibility in a public place... Although flying would be cool, it would turn you into a side-show freak. So I'd go with X-Ray vision and spend most of my time in the poker room.

13. What's the dumbest thing you've ever tried to microwave? A dish of leftover casserole, with the aluminum foil still on it.

14. How much did you pay for your last gallon of gas? $3.09 for mid-grade.

15. Dinner for five, Jon Favreau style--who are your four guests? Tough question. Without overthinking it, I'd probably go with Doyle Brunson, Chris Berman, Jimmy Buffett, and Samuel L. Jackson. Rita Wilson would be our waitress, but she'd have to wear that same outfit she wore in That Thing You Do.

16. What's your favorite curse word? Asshat.

17. Where did you go on your last vacation? I took a week-long cruise to the western Caribbean in 2004. Damn, has it been that long?

18. What phobia do you have that nobody else knows about? Living in Vegas and seeing all these nasty people and working with sticky casino chips every night, I've become a total germ-0-phobe. Consequently, I have cleaner hands than a surgeon, due to the fact that I was them about a hundred times a day.

19. If you could kick one politician in the nuts and get away with it, who would it be? My esteemed Senator from Nevada, Harry Reid. Plus it would give me the chance to use my favorite curse word again, too!

20. What was the last online purchase you made? A t-shirt that says "How Can I Love You If You Won't Lie Down?"

21. What is your favorite book? Probably the one out at Red Rock! Comfy chairs, good drink service, decent lines, lots of wide-screen plasma tv's. Oh, you mean like actual book that you read... For fiction, I'd go with Wake of the Perdido Star by Gene Hackman and Daniel Lenihan. For non fiction, Blown Away by Herb Payson.

22. What kind of laundry soap do you use? Tide with bleach, I think. The label is in Spanish, so I'm not really sure...

23. Disney World, Las Vegas, Yellowstone, Branson, New Orleans, Sturgis, San Francisco, San Diego, Honolulu, or Cape Cod? I'm guessing the question isn't Name your favorite NFL team... Since I already live in Vegas, and have no desire on earth to visit Screaming Brat Central in Orlando, I'll go with San Diego. Love it. By the way, people that would choose Branson aren't really intarweb savvy, are they?

24. What's the strangest thing you put Ranch dressing on? Besides Asian strippers? Just kidding. Everyone knows they prefer to be dipped in wasabi vinaigrette! Actually, whenever I go out for pizza, I always order a side of ranch dressing to dip the crusts in. And my dirty little secret is that sometimes I don't wait till all the toppings are gone before I dip...

25. Ever been tempted to wear women's underwear? Only on my head. But as much as I'd like to go Nuke LaLoosh on occasion, I'm tempered by the fact that Victoria's Secret doesn't make anything in 5XL.

26. Now that there is no more Survivor, 24, Lost, or Prison Break, what do you watch on TV? A lot of SportCenter reruns in the morning. And the occasional Girls Gone Wild infomercial.

27. What is your next purchase that's going to cost more than $100? A new 19- or 20-inch computer monitor. Well that, and a shiatload of Hurricane Mikey t-shirts.

28. If you could be King for a day, name one law you'd implement that could never be repealed. Universal flat income tax on all wages and salary earnings, maxed out at 15%.

29. Have you ever broken 100 on the golf course? Hell no. Usually by the sixth hole the wheels have officially come off, I quit keeping score, and the rest of the day is devoted to drinking beer and hitting on the cart girl.

30. What's the most you've ever spent in the Champagne Room? Five bills, back in my rookie season. And forget that whole 'no sex in the champagne room' mantra, there's no champagne in the champagne room, either.


Mikey