Saturday, September 30, 2006

NFL Week 4

I'd say I'm remarkably consistant as far as picking NFL games go. I've got a decent record, but not good enough to win any money to speak of. And if I were really bad at it, the Stations Casino Great Giveaway contest would even reward me for that. Hell, if I could just go 50/50 all year, I could win the 'Fiddle in the Middle' contest. But no, I just keep chugging away winning two out of three every week and not making any progress to speak of.

The trick, I suppose, is identifying the 'two' and taking that knowledge with me when I visit my friendly sportsbook ticket writer.

Due to bye weeks, there are only 14 games to choose from this week, and because of some sort of schedule change, Station Casinos have removed the Cardinals/Falcons game from this week's contest (I'd take the Falcons anyways). That leaves 13 games for me to choose, so here they are:

Cowboys over the Titans. Vince Young gets his first start this Sunday, and this ain't no Rose Bowl. The 'Boys win ugly, regardless of T.O. popping pills like a washed-up B-movie actress. Next question!

Colts over the Jets. Chad Pennington may have been plugged into the Juvination Machine all during the offseason, but they don't have enough weapons to defeat Peyton 'Cut That Meat!' Manning and his merry band of receivers.

Dolphins over the Texans. Both are bad teams looking for an elusive win, but I'm guessing that Miami is slightly less bad and gets their first win this week. Man, it seems like only a month ago everyone had them knocking the Patriots off the throne of the AFC East. If Miami loses this game, they will be in the throne, not on it, and that flushing sound you're hearing is the Dolphin's season hopes circling the bowl.

Vikings over the Bills. I could go either way on this one, but I think the Vikings might win this game that nobody watches. Also, I love seeing the Bills get beat, just because I've got an obnoxious Bills fan who comes in to the casino every weekend, always plays at my table, and never shuts up. I'm choosing the Vikings on this one just in hopes for a week of peace and quiet.

Panthers over the Saints. Yeah, that was an emotional win last Monday night, New Orleans, but it's a short week, you're on the road, and the Panthers are better than their record. The momentum goes marching out this week.

Chargers over the Ravens. Both solid teams with good records. Both have bad coaches though. Marty, however, knows how to win in the regular season, the Ravens have played a bunch of stiffs, and McNair's passing isn't what they were hoping for. I'm riding the Bolts to the playoffs, where Schottenheimer will make sure they lose in the first round.

Chiefs over the 49ers. I like the meat-eating Arrowhead crowd much more than the wine-and-cheese tailgaters out in the city by the bay, and they provide the best home-field advantage east of Seattle. I like their running back better, too. Even Herm Edwards can't screw this one up.

Rams over the Lions. I for one love the fact that Matt Millen is still the GM of the Lions. He's like the Isiah Thomas of football execs, and as long as he holds a job in Detroit, we don't have to listen to his awful color commentary in the booth during Fox broadcasts. Now if we could just get Bill Maas, Kenny Albert, and Brian Baldinger jobs as GMs of bad teams, all would be right with the world.

Browns over the Raiders. I may crawl out of bed and go down to Jillians and watch the game just to talk smack in person to LV Terry. Somebody's got to win this game, and it's not going to be Art Shell.

Jaguars over the Redskins. Jags gave the Colts all they could handle last weekend, which I'm sure is more than the Redskins can handle. Brunell won't throw 22 in a row against this secondary.

Bengals over the Patriots. The Sports Guy Bill Simmons thinks that this is a trap game due to another run-in with the law by a Cincinnati player last week. Whatever. Cincy is a bunch of criminals--that's who they are--just like the old University of Miami teams that dominated for so many years. Brady, his rugged good looks, and unhappy body language are in for a street fight. And you always pick the thugs in a street fight. And remember my rant about the Titans 'coming one yard short of winning it all' last week? That rat bastard Simmons even said it again this week in his Wednesday Q&A chat on ESPN. Suck it, Simmons, the Patriots are done.

Bears over the Seahawks. No homefield advantage, no Steve Hutchinson blocking for no Shaun Alexander. Seahawks don't have a prayer in Soldier Field this week.

Eagles over the Packers. I could easily pick the Pack in an upset, but then I remember that I have money on the line. Take the Pack on the road? No thanks. That money would last longer in Doc Al's hands in a strip club full of surgically enhanced Asian girls. Besides, the Iggles and their battery-throwing fans look like the only team in the NFC East capable of making a run for it, the collapse against the Giants notwithstanding.

Mikey

Last Week: 9-5

Season: 30-15

Winning Percentage: .667 (Back in high school, that's a D+ --good enough to pass, but not good enough for Dad to hand over the car keys).

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