Killing Me Softly...

Happy Monday, everyone. I just got home from work a few minutes ago and thought I'd post about something besides the weekend's football games for a change. Eddie B is here in town, and although we're not up to our usual Vegas buffoonery, we'll be getting together for lunch later today. Can't wait to see him, although it's only been a few weeks since I was in Phoenix.

Work was interesting this weekend. First of all, whoever books our 'talent' to provide music in the casino on weekends must be either going deaf, or scraping the bottom of the barrel. We have had the worst, most god-awful duet performing for the last couple of weeks. They don't have a very good song selection--they play the exact same stuff every night, and listening to them warble around is like listening to a beginning music student trying to play an out-of-tune banjo. There are some recognizable tunes every now and then, but overall, it's just not pleasing to the ear.

I mean, seriously, if you have to play that horrible How Far is Heaven? song twice within the same hour, you really need to get back into basement and practice your craft. Trust me, they weren't playing it twice because people requested it. And I swear if I hear that damn A Little Bit of This, a Little Bit of That song one more time, I'm likely to get up from the table, walk up to the bar, snatch the microphone away from the singer, and use it to beat the ever-living shit out of her.

Honestly. I just can't believe the crap these people get away with playing in public and actually charging money for. Is the talent in Vegas just spread that thin? Of course, if I were the entertainment director, somebody would be complaining that there was too much old Van Halen and Guns & Roses being played in the bar, and that they really don't like that hot girl in the red dress singing I Touch Myself every night...

But as bad as it was on Friday and Saturday night, nothing could compare to the horror that awaited me when I arrived last night. Somebody thought it would be a brilliant idea to set up Karaoke in the bar (which, incidentally, is surrounded by all the table games in the casino, so we dealers get the full effect).

Oh. Dear. God.

Darling readers, mere words cannot describe the ear-bleeding pain I had to endure for the first two hours of my shift. It was sooooo bad. I was so embarrassed for some of these people and I couldn't wait for it to end. It's like I wanted to crawl in a hole and whimper Make the bad man stop! over and over again.

One guy even showed up with a fiddle, just so he could play along with some country song he was going to sing. If you ask me, that's just being a little too prepared for karaoke night. There was one highlight, however--some guy got up and sang What a Wonderful World and did a spot-on impersonation of Louis Armstrong that earned him a standing ovation from everyone in the bar and half the people outside at the tables. It was amazing.

But the worst was some gal trying to sing one of my personal favorites, Dancing Queen by Abba. It was so bad that my game came to a complete halt so everyone could turn around to see who was subjecting themselves to such ridicule.

Of course it was a surgically enhanced smokin' hot Asian girl stuffed into a mini-dress that was two sizes too small. We all agreed that although she probably didn't have much of a musical career ahead of her, she definitely belonged onstage.

One that had a brass pole standing in the middle of it...

Luckily for the rest of us, at the end of the show they announced that next week's karaoke would be taking place in the nightclub instead of in the bar, and for the most part we won't be able to hear it out in the pit.

Unfortunately, the karaoke is only offered on Sunday nights. Otherwise, I'd be tempted to go in on my night off, do a few shots, and then get up onstage and lead the crowd in a group sing along of My Ding-a-Ling. It ain't Cradle Will Rock, but I'm sure Diamond Dave would approve.

Mikey