Thursday, July 13, 2006

Say It Ain't So

It's been sort of a depressing week, and I can only now bring myself to write about the following subject, as it's saddened me greatly and had me questioning my faith in a higher power.

The cocktail waitresses at work have ditched their sexy biker-babe leather outfits.

Nope, no more high-heeled boots, fishnets, or low-cut leather vests. I really liked those outfits, as did pretty much everyone else. To paraphrase Linus Caldwell, it was the best part of my day. But if they can implode the Desert Inn, they can certainly change the outfits on our cocktail waitresses. Of course, the Wynn rose from the ashes, but the new outfits don't make quite as big a splash.

First of all, the leather short-shorts were replaced with maroon-colored micro miniskirts. Not bad at all, especially considering the well-placed slits at ten and two o'clock. But instead of fishnet stockings, they now wear just regular panty hose. And the black leather go-go boots have been replaced with clunky white high-heels that are the unnatural combination of 40's pin-up girl and cast member from the Lawrence Welk show.

But the worst offender has got to be the tops. They are brown, form-fitting around the midsection, and low cut--which is always nice--but again, it's an unholy alliance between 50's diner waitress and a pirate wench Halloween costume. There is a seam under each breast that comes to a point, but there's way too much material gathered up, giving the boobs an unflattering smashed-up torpedo look.

I just don't like the new look very much. Of course, if a waitress has great long legs, or a ridiculously huge rack that fills out the top, then they look really good. Otherwise, it's not really an improvement. In fact, a very un-scientific poll amongst my dealer buddies has resulted in a unanimous thumbs down.

But all is not lost. The day after Thanksgiving is just a few short months away. That's when they break out the naughty Santa's helper outfits that we all love so much.

The most wonderful time of the year, indeed.


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