It Was a Dark and Stormy Night...

They've announced the winners of one of my favorite contests this week (which inexplicably, I've never entered) , and reading the winning entries has made me giggle for the past half hour straight. In case you're unfamiliar with the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, basically the English department at San Jose State University asks the public to submit their worst opening line, or even a paragraph, for an unwritten fictitious novel. They then sift through all of the entries and compile the best of the worst.

There are some real gems in there but this one was my favorite and had me laughing out loud:

Despite the vast differences it their ages, ethnicity, and religious upbringing, the sexual chemistry between Roberto and Heather was the most amazing he had ever experienced; and for the entirety of the Labor Day weekend they had sex like monkeys on espresso, not those monkeys in the zoo that fling their feces at you, but more like the monkeys in the wild that have those giant red butts, and access to an espresso machine.

If only I possessed such literary talent...

Next year.

Mikey