Saturday, January 21, 2006

Once More Into the Breach

Alright, this will exhaust my supply of favorite headlines from Again, they were creative headlines linked to actual news stories. All of them gave me a chuckle, so enjoy!

Austria to celebrate the 250th anniversary of Mozart's birth. Festivities to include shrimp on the barbie, Foster's.

Japanese dude bowls 11 hours; doesn't abide.

Thai ice-cream vendor attacks dentist with sword. There can be only 31.

Historians suggest Lincoln may have put his log in a can long before Hasbro did.

Delaware crossing re-enactors finally succeed after failing for three years in a row. Good thing these guys aren't fighting for the country or we'd all be speaking English right now.

Arab superheroes on the way. Superfriends seen putting up concrete barriers in front of the Hall of Justice

Nazi party adopts a highway. Residents angered that the group will only pick up white trash.

Bush says he'd welcome Abbas to U.S. but only if they agree to play "Dancing Queen".

Woman runs off road, hits tree, falls down 30-foot embankment, gets hit by train and survives. Man in black robe with scythe reported muttering at the scene, "I really thought I had her with the train".

Teens charged as adults with making bomb threat to shut down Nantucket ferry service. In other news, federal prison is not where you want to become acquainted with the man from Nantucket.

Chicago beats Houston four times in a week. Bobby Brown still holds the record.

The bad news is that Pete Townshend is going deaf. The good news is that he is a third of the way to becoming a pinball wizard.

Chinatown bus catches fire. All passengers exit safely, circumambulate bus, re-enter.

Buffalo shot after falling onto highway. Rochester and Syracuse nervously work on their balance.

Eighty percent of New Orleans currently covered in water. Remaining 20 percent still covered in urine.

Pope denounces materialism from balcony of marble, gold-domed building in midst of jewel-encrusted religious icons while wearing giant gold cross.

Pilot injured after plane crashes into Wal-Mart, signaling that the war against Wal-Mart is entering its kamikaze phase.

Marshall Mathers officially back together with Kim Mathers, claiming he only did it to get some Jerry Mathers.

$2,700 toilet seat stolen. Police have nothing to go on.


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