Friday, December 16, 2005

Random Thoughts

As I spend my day waiting for the delivery truck to arrive and drop off a load of Christmasy goodness, these are the random thoughts rolling around in the attic.

  • Does ESPN really need five different channels of programming when they're showing the World Scrabble Championships from Reno on their main network station at midnight? I shudder to think what may be showing on the other channels.
  • I saw a twenty-ish hottie lurking around the casino last week, pushing a stroller, and wearing a shirt imprinted with the letters 'MILF' across her chest. If she was wearing it, shouldn't it say 'MYLF', instead?
  • Every time I think that toothbrush technology has reached it's absolute zenith, along comes another breakthrough. But do I really need a toothbrush with an onboard computer?
  • I think that if Steven Spielberg remade Jaws with current digital technology and made the shark as real-looking as the dinosaurs from Jurassic Park, it would probably be the scariest movie of all time.
  • Speaking of sharks, I can't decide if Shannon Ainsley is the luckiest or unluckiest guy on the planet. Haven't heard of him? He's the South African surfer who was attacked by two great white sharks at the same time, and survived. Three years later he was attacked again, with only minor injuries, again. If it were me, I'd probably be so afraid of water that I'd be nervous getting in the shower.
  • I think that the next time Ed, Eddie, Derek, and I all attend a Halloween party together, we should dress up like the members of KISS. Of course, I'd want to be Gene Simmons, if only on the odd chance that Shannon Tweed shows up at the same party.
  • I think that the Nextel 'Dance Party' commercial belongs in the pantheon of the Greatest Commercials of All Time.
  • Does anyone still order anchovies on their pizza? Have they ever?
  • Sigfried and Roy started the trend of using big cats in their magic shows, now every magician in this town does the same thing. I'm waiting for the first guy to use poisonous snakes. Training tigers and cheetahs to help with magic tricks? Feh... Get a King Cobra or a Bushmaster to behave onstage, then I'll be impressed.
  • When channel surfing, it's impossible to pass up a movie with the following description: A rich woman needs a retired martial-arts champion to protect her from Ninja assassins. Oh yeah, my evening just got more interesting.
  • One small quibble withe the latest Coca Cola commercials. Polar bears are only found in the northern hemisphere, penguins are only found in the southern. Doubtful they would be enjoying a refreshing beverage together in the wild. Don't know how I know this...
  • I may be the only person in the entire civilized world that has never read a Harry Potter book or seen one of the movies.
  • So is it a bad sign when I'm out guitar shopping at a local pawn shop and I see one of the final table players from a recent World Series of Poker, a very famous guy in the poker world, standing in line at the Payday Loan window?
  • I've never wanted to be black, but after watching a few episodes of My Name is Earl, I think Darnell the crab man is a lucky fellow, being married to Jaime Pressly and all.

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