Monday, September 14, 2009

Linda Lou Wants to Know

Howdy gang. I hope y'all are having fun in the cube farm this Monday morning. Me? I'm just enjoying a cup of coffee, using my parlay ticket as a coaster. Anyhow, I was talking to Linda Lou the other day, and she suggested that my site needed a woman's touch. No, we're not going to get new lace curtains or fill up the shelves with dustables, but I'm going to indulge her undying curiosity about the male species. She's prepared a bunch of questions, so I'm going to try and answer them the best I can. While I am trying to do my best to speak for all of us men-folk, if any of you readers wish to chime in, by all means, feel free.

Here we go...

What are the three most important things men look for in a woman?

Hmm... for me, it's gotta be personality, looks, independence. As far as looks go, lets just get that one out in the open. Yeah, looks are important, but not *that* important to us. A gal has got be just good enough looking to turn us on (which ain't a hard task, to be sure). Of course, we always ogle the attractive--we're wired to do so, and no amount of nagging or dirty looks will ever get us to stop. But experience has taught us that the hotter the girl, the heavier the baggage. Oh, we'll put up with it for awhile, but eventually, you've got to offer something besides just good looks, which, sadly, decline with age anyways. So while a gal has got to be attractive enough to grab our attention, she doesn't need to be Helen of Troy, or hell, even Helen of Sparta. On the other hand, I personally put a premium on a good personality. I prefer somebody interesting, smart, and funny. Also, independence--needy doesn't cut it with me. I'm independent, and having somebody around who doesn't really need me keeps me on my toes.

Think back to the best girlfriend you ever had... what are the qualities that make her unforgettable?

Haven't had but one in the past couple of years, but she had all three of those qualities that I mentioned earlier--she was attractive, she made me laugh my ass off, she was fun to hang around with, and she certainly didn't need me to make her life complete.

What are the three things women do that turn a man off?

Talk too much, nag too much, plan things for 'us' to do that we have no desire to do. Sometimes, we just want to drink a beer and watch TV in silence. And no, we don't want to antiquing when the playoffs are on.

What's the craziest thing a woman ever did on a date?

Crazy bad or crazy good? Flirting with the bartender is bad, but crawling out the sunroof and flashing a cab full of old guys on the Strip is good...

How do men feel about women who want to pay for dinner or a movie? Or splitting the tab?

Generally, I'm in favor of it, unless it's used as the opening salvo of You don't have a chance of ever getting to see me nekkid. I guess it depends on where on the timeframe of the relationship it falls. If you've been seeing each other for awhile, no biggie. But if it's a first date, then it may be kind of a red flag. If it's a blind date or a set-up--or not a 'date' at all, then going Dutch is cool.

Women who call a guy for a first date--turn-on or turn-off?

Turn on, unless we are completely unattracted to them.

Age--how old is too old? How young is too young?

For me, too young is early 20's. I've gone out with a couple of 23-year-olds this past year, and it's tough to come up with stuff to talk about. Not only that, younger gals have waaaaay too much drama in their lives. Too old? Hmmm, I dunno. I'm 42, so anything beyond mid-50s would probably be too old for me. I'd have a hard time bragging to my buddies about the fact that my date was able to swing the senior discount at dinner, too. Even so, I love me some cougars.

Kids--do you secretly look at a woman's children as a major pain in the ass?

In my experience, it's not the kids that are a pain in the ass, it's the ex, who won't pay the child support, or won't keep them on his weekend, or is somehow using the kids to sabotage her relationships. I don't mind dating gals that have kids--it's just the cost of doing business these days.

What is the kindest way to break up with someone?

Quickly, like tearing off a bandaid. The longer it goes, the worse it is. And the "I just don't think it's working" speech works better than the old cliched "It's not you--it's me" speech.

Is it possible for women and men to truly be "just friends"? Or is somebody always hoping for more?

I don't know if men are always 'hoping' for more, but for the most part, we'll take advantage of the opportunity if it's presented. Men don't consider too many women to be 'just friends', if both are single. But we don't sit around in our spare time and wish that we could nail all of our female friends, either. On the other hand, if some random female friend calls up in the middle of the night and says Could you come over?, well, not too many of us are turning that down...

Is it emasculating to sit in the passenger seat with a woman driving, or doesn't it matter?

I don't care one way or the other. What's emasculating is standing around in the mall holding purses and shopping bags for hours on end.

How do men feel about women who make more money than they do?

I'm cool with it, as are several of my buddies. Nothing at all wrong with a woman who can both bring home the bacon *and* fry it up in the pan...

Fake fingernails--turn-on or turn-off?

Normal looking ones are fine, big ugly ghettofabulous ones are not. But I don't know of a single guy who's ever been turned on by fingernails, real, fake, or otherwise. Or jewelry, or shoes. Women do that shiat to impress other women, not to impress guys, even though they may not know it consciously.

Women obsess about their weight, but just how important is it to men? Do men even go for those skinny, skinny size 2 women?

We go for all kinds of women--skinny, average, chubby, tall, short, whatever. All we ask is that you don't change. Once you're in a relationship, don't let yourself go either way. If you were a little chubby when we met, no problem--stay the same. If you were skinny when we met, stay the same. Some guys prefer the gals where you can see her ribs, some prefer a gal with meat on her bones, some like the big beautiful women. Most just prefer average, though.

What do men think of hose (stockings, whatever you can them). Of course, bare legs are better in the summer, but what about the winter? Would men rather see white bare legs, or is black hose okay?

We love stockings at any time of year. Especially the thigh-high ones. Black is good. The line up the back? Feh... No opinion one way or the other... And fishnet isn't as sexy as y'all think it is.

What questions would men like to ask women?

What's the deal celebrity gossip--What's the attraction to shiat like US Magazine? We don't get it. Why does it take so long to get dressed, or pick out shoes? Why do you get pissed when we want to play golf with our buddies? Why does the trash have to be taken out RIGHT NOW? Why can't you park normal? And for the love of god, why can't you stock up on tampons? I mean, I know I gotta shave, but I never need to run to the store in the middle of the night and get razors...

There. That's all she sent. Fellas, feel free to add your thoughts. Gals, if you have more questions, don't hesitate to ask.


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