One Born Every Minute

Working in a casino, the level of stupidity I see on display every day is not only amazing, but a never-ending source of amusement for me. I swear, I don't understand how some people made it so far in life being so dumb. And what's worse, how they amassed enough money to piss away so much by just being plain ignorant. It's one concept that I have a hard time wrapping my head around--how can somebody so dumb have so much disposable income? It's a paradox I witness every day, and it vexes me to no end.

But nobody ever went broke underestimating the judgment of the American consumer, and I've discovered the latest goofy gadget designed to separate a man from his cash.

It's called the Golf Ball Sweet-Spot Finder, and it's seriously one of the dumbest gizmos that the Sharper Image has ever foisted upon folks who have more dollars than sense. I know that's a bold statement, and normally I only browse the Sharper Image catalog while on a cross-country flight, chuckling to myself that somebody would spend good money on a towel warmer or an electronic dog dish. But this particular abomination caused me to spend a good three minutes of my life muttering What the F*ck? to the television set.

Apparently, for the bargain price of just thirty five bucks, you can have a device that finds the so-called 'sweet spot' on a golf ball (Because that fifty-dollar box of Titleist Pro V1's is just chock full of inconsistencies!). Then you put the old Sharpie magic marker in the hole, hit the button, and it will spin and mark the ball, indicating where you should hit it. Seriously. Notice how the line shows you to hit it right in the middle. Well, duh. I don't need no electronic doo-hicky to tell me to aim for the center of mass when I'm teeing up. It's like putting a big neon sign above the hoop in basketball, with an arrow pointing down saying SHOOT IT HERE!

What made it sound even stupider was the fact that they featured this on that show called Gear! on the MOJO channel (Finding the coolest toys that both the indoor technophile and the outdoors adventurer crave!). The host was actually trying to sell the thing as the greatest golf gadget ever devised, and he 'demonstrated' it by using it to draw the line on the golf ball, then teeing up, and taking a swing. And no, they didn't show the flight of the ball, so for all we know he shanked it onto somebody's back porch and broke a window.

I'm convinced!

I don't know why this struck me as completely stupid, but golfers, as a whole, seem to be the most gullible when it comes to paying for expensive gadgets that will supposedly improve their game. Have you seen all the goofy shiat they market to golfers? Somebody's buying it.

I haven't picked up a set of clubs in over five years, but that's only because I sucked, I knew I sucked, and I didn't feel like putting up with the lifetime expense of only getting marginally better and being forever frustrated. A bunch of expensive gadgets wasn't going to cure my slice, and drawing a line around the circumference of a golf ball won't make you the next Tiger Woods, either. You still have to get that driver to behave.

Mikey