I don't know why all grocery stores do it, but they seem to purposely hide the Velveeta. Not that I make a habit of buying a log of greasy pseudo-cheese, but sometimes I need to get my hands on some. Like during football season when I want to make a crockpot full of my famous nacho cheese dip. (Easy recipe--1 brick of Velveeta, 1 can of Rotel tomatoes, heat for 2 hours in the crock pot. Double the recipe if going to an office potluck or a tailgate party).Anyhow, I never eat the stuff except to use it in recipes. I'll keep sliced American on hand for sandies, but if I'm feeling flush with cash, it's Alpine Lace Baby Swiss, or a chunk of Havarti (the best cheese ever invented, in my not-so-humble opinion). Anyhow, since I'm more of a Sandra Lee-type of cook and less of a Tyler Florence, Velveeta works for me when it's time to make a cheese dip. It's quick, easy, and everyone raves about the dip--no babysitting a double boiler or anything like that.
But the problem is, Velveeta isn't really a "food", and as such, it's tough to categorize. So grocery stores don't seem to know where they want to display it on their shelves, making it tough to find when I finally decide that I want to buy some. I can tell you this--it's *never* found anywhere near the rest of the real cheese. So it's always an expedition when you go to a new grocery store and decide that you want to buy some Velveeta. It's always hidden somewhere way out of sight, like hot chicks at a Phish concert. And being a typical male, it's against my code to stop and ask for directions. So we've just gone without for these first few weeks of the football season.
Well, on the way home from school earlier this week, I stopped and did some grocery shopping at the local Walmart Market. Although it's the only place I buy groceries anymore, the Smith's and Albertson's in my neighborhood being ridiculously expensive, it's still somewhat new to me. But I was wandering the aisles picking up a few odds and ends and I happened to find the Rotel tomatoes, so I picked up a couple of cans. Unfortunately, the whereabouts of the Velveeta remained a mystery and I couldn't find any during my wanderings.
As I went to check out, the cashier asked me the required "Did you find everything you were looking for today?" question. Instead of my usual nod in the affirmative, I asked. Well, not that I need it now, but where the hell do you keep the Velveeta???
I could see the look of panic cross his face as it was clear that he had no idea. While he was scanning all my groceries and bagging them up, it was easy to tell that the gears were turning in his head. He finally had a moment of clarity and said "I think it's on aisle 2. Yep. Aisle 2--I'm sure of it!"
He offered to go fetch some, but I told him I'd be back on Friday night after work and pick up my football-watching supplies for the weekend (Beer, chips, mustard, Velveeta...)
As soon as our transaction was complete, I started pushing my cart towards the door, and he sprinted off in the direction of Aisle 2, obviously seeking confirmation. I hadn't gotten completely out the door when he came running back towards me, waving a brick of Velveeta like a crazy cheese-man, yelling "Yes--Aisle 2!!!"
Luckily there were no hot milfy-types anywhere nearby doing their shopping, so I was only partially embarrassed by the cashier's cheesy enthusiasm. I nervously thanked him and made my escape to the parking lot.
So now at least, I know where to find it. And this weekend, we shall dine on nacho cheese dip!
Mikey
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