Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Out Through the Inbox

Like most people, I have several email addresses--my primary and 'real' address that you see at the bottom of the left-hand column, and a Yahoo address that I use whenever I make online purchases or when forced to enter personal information on various websites ( is this particular culprit, I'm sure).

Anyhow, I check the Yahoo account about once every two weeks or so, and there are usually about 90-100 new messages, most of them spam, and very few actual useful messages unless I know I made a recent purchase (like renting a car this week).

One of the worst offenders is itself. You can't 'spam filter' email from Yahoo, so it's always there every week. The most entertaining one comes about twice a week from Yahoo Personals. Now I've never placed a personal ad myself, but back in the old days at Schwab, once business fell off in late 2000 and we had nothing to do all day long, the guy in the cube across from me spent all day surfing personal ads, collecting the best and worst, and redistributing them to the rest of us. Great reading. Like, you ever notice how realtors can't just say that a house has a pool, it's always a sparkling pool? Well, our favorite cliche in the office was that virtually all redheads, in their personal ads, described themselves as vivacious. Don't believe me?--Go check out Yahoo personals on your lunch hour.

Another great thing was that one of our coworkers put an ad up on a well-known site describing himself as a 'manager at a Fortune 500 company, and since he was from L.A., he was into style'. As soon as it was discovered, it was forwarded to about 500 fortunate smartasses around the entire firm. Oh hell yeah--talk about taking endless shit from everyone, I'm sure he regrets to this day ever placing that ad. But it was a comedy gold mine in the office.

Anyhow, about I keep getting these 'Meet Your Match' emails every week that I can't figure out how to unsubscribe to. Actually, I haven't really tried, I just usually go through and do a mass delete. But today I went looking for my rental reservation from Thrifty, and there was yet another personals email. So I opened it. And I'll be damned if the first picture listed was a chick who I swear to God plays at my table at least once a week. I shiat you not. I totally remember her because she's fairly attractive and looks exactly like a somewhat-famous actress. In fact the first time I met her I thought it was the said actress until she gave me her players card with a different name on it. My first words to her were Hey, does anyone ever tell you that you look like so-and-so? And she told me that she hears it several times a week.

But she plays at my table all the time--I think I'm her favorite dealer--and I know several details of her personal life that were confirmed when I read her profile. So I sat here slackjawed reading it, but immediately felt like some sort of cyberworld peeping Tom. She didn't use her real name, but I know it, so it feels like I have a secret. In fact, her 'name' on her profile is that of a famous character in a classic movie, and I'm halfway tempted to use it next time I see her, just to gauge her reaction.

Not that I was ever planning on hitting on her, but now that it's out there, you gotta fire a bracketing shot.

Of course, upon further reading it said that the preferred body type on her perfect match was 'athletic' so that pretty much eliminates me, unless she considers Sumo wrestlers to be athletes.

I'm also fairly certain she'd prefer a dude with a car. But that's just a guess.


PS. I was purposely vague in describing her and her profile because while I don't mind so much you good folks knowing the sordid details of my life, I can't speak for her. And who knows what kind of freaks are out there lurking in cyberspace who would put together the obvious clues and go searching for her in the Yahoo personals.

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