I don't know how many of you remember that post I made last summer about the time we had the toilet replaced and as I left the house I walked out and saw the old crapper sitting in the front yard...
Well, as luck would have it, my current roommate is doing his part to keep up the tradition. No, there was no toilet in the front yard this time, but when I went outside to put a bag of garbage in the can this morning, I noticed a full-on LazyBoy recliner sitting in the middle of the driveway. Nobody was sitting in it, but it was fully reclined and facing the street like it was nature's own big screen tv. That was a bit odd, but it got even more strange when I saw a mattress lying at the other end of the circular drive. I couldn't quite figure out what was going on, but it must've been something freaky because there was a circular saw, a leather bullwhip, and a powerwasher sitting on the ground, too.
My interesting tour around the estate just kept getting better as I came back inside through the side door and then saw a pair of sandals lying in the kitchen sink. They weren't soaking or anything, they were just sitting there like a dirty frying pan.
So I made myself a turkey sandwich, a bowl of applesauce, and grabbed a Coke from the fridge and headed back to my room. A few minutes later, my roommate knocked on the door and asked me if I liked figs.
Keeping him off-balance, I told him that I didn't have a problem with them per se, but I preferred women and as long as they don't try to recruit me, I don't care what they do in their spare time.
He looked at me like I was from outer space.
Oh.... figs. Whoops. I declined his offer and told him that I prefer grape jerky in my applesauce.
I'm sure he thinks I'm a goofball, but at least I keep my furniture indoors and my shoes out of the sink.