(Editor's Note: Pay no attention to the time references in this post. It was started late on Saturday night and finished up late on Sunday night. Just go with it. Oh, and don't forget to clicky on the pictures for full-sized goodness!)
I just got home. And I just stumbled up the stairs. And I am buzzed beyond all belief!
This post may not make any sense, but I'm putting it up right now while it's still fresh in my brain, because if I fall asleep without writing it up, it'll be lost in the fog forever. And I really want to remember this night!
Anyhow, tonight was the 6th annual Lee's Discount Liquors Las Vegas Wine Experience down at the LV Hilton. I never knew such a thing existed until about five or six nights ago when I saw a commercial for it. I thought it was such a great idea that I immediately emailed Lars and asked him what he was doing on Saturday. He was up for it, so I went down to my favorite liquor store on Friday night and picked us up a couple of tickets for $40 apiece.
It's billed as a huge wine-tasting party, but it's much more than that. It's basically a booze convention, and forty bucks gets you five hours of open bar-- Best. Idea. Evar! It's such a big deal that they hold it in one of the monster-sized ballrooms down at the Hilton. There are about 70 wineries from around the world represented, and they've all got samples of all their varieties on hand. Plus, all along the back wall, the liquor distributors all set up camp and there are booths pouring everything from vodka, tequila, rum, gin, bourbon, Scotch, and all kinds of other crazy one-off liqueurs to sample.
Since we predicted that we'd get good and stupid at this event (I'm not one of those wine-tasters who spits it out--I drink every drop!), we talked Lars' wife Shari into taking us down to the Hilton and dropping us off, and then we figured we'd split the cost of a cab to get back home later. We guessed (correctly) there was no way on God's green earth that either one of us would be able to walk, much less drive, after spending five hours in the Ballroom of the Bottomless Glass.
This is the "Before" picture. You will not see the "After" picture. But trust me--It's not pretty:
Anyhow, we got there about a half an hour early (it started at 3:00 pm), and we were about the fourth and fifth people in line. When we got into the ballroom we were amazed at the scope of the operation. First of all, the ballroom was huge. Just as we entered, there was an enormous display of wine glasses, and everyone was supposed to take one and carry it around with them for the evening. In the corner, there was a small stage with a Jazz combo performing live music, and the rest of the room was covered with vendors, cocktail seating, and hors d’oeuvres stations.
We skipped the wine glasses at first, and made a beeline for the liquor area. We wanted to try all of the premium scotches and rums first. Lee's was kind enough to provide a notebook for everyone to carry where you could jot down your impressions of each drink you tried, and we took full advantage of it for the first hour and a half or so. We gave it the ol' college try, and it was funny as hell trying to decipher our notes after like two hours. But early on, we were serious booze journalists on a mission. I actually took over two pages of legible notes. And about four pages of illegible ones.
The first thing we had was a single malt Scotch called Aberfeldy. It's a 12-year old gem of a whiskey that is so smokey and smooth, it's like a campfire in a glass. It was very good. Right after that, I had some Laphroig 10-year old Scotch, and it wasn't nearly as tasty. Oh, it was super-premium, but it wasn't to my liking. Lars, being a huge Scotch drinker, slurped it all up and was immediately in his happy place.
Now, the best part of an event like this, besides all of the ridiculous eye candy, is that you get to try a bunch of stuff that you'd normally never do. But I went in with an open mind and tried all kinds of weird shiat--some of it very good, some of it disgusting. But there were some truly amazing liqueurs to be had, and I was very surprised by how much I really enjoyed a few of them.
First of all, there was this stuff called Aqwa. It's a liqueur made out of the coco leaf. And they had little vials of powdered lime essence that went with it, so you'd dump some out on the back of your hand, (and it's obviously meant to look like cocaine), lick it, and then shoot the booze. It was surprisingly good--it went down smoothly, but then had an afterburner to it.
This is me about to put down a shot of the Coco liqueur. No, it doesn't taste like the stuff you make brownies out of. It tastes like the stuff you put up your nose back in the 80's. If you look closely, you can see the lime powder on the back of my thumb.
There was also an amazingly good booze called 'American Honey'. I've not seen it yet in bars, but it's making it's way around. Basically, it's Wild Turkey bourbon mixed with honey. It sounds disgusting, but oh hell yeah it's extremely tasty. I could easily sit and drink it on the rocks all night long. We hit that booth three or four times.
There was also some weird shiat that we didn't much care for. Ty-Ku is some sort of sweet Asian liquor that was just a bit foofy for me, as was this stuff called Nuvo. It was sparkling vodka--pink and bubbly and just waaaaaay too girly for me. I can't see myself drinking that unless I'm sitting around watching Oprah and Sex and the City reruns all afternoon and deciding that boobies just don't do it for me anymore. It was easily the gayest thing I had all night, and I was ashamed to be seen drinking it.
A little on the girly side, but still pretty damn good was one booth serving champagne mixed with Chambord. Normally, I don't like raspberry at all, but the chick serving it was just so frickin' hot that we couldn't resist her feminine charms. So we stepped up and had some--it tasted like raspberry soda pop--not bad at all!
The biggest surprise of the night was something called Right gin. It's very peppery. Normally I don't like any gin except Bombay Sapphire, but they were serving this stuff with grapefruit juice, and the pepper of the gin killed the bitterness of the grapefruit, and it was pretty damn good. As soon as we finished that, the guy behind the table fixed us up a drink that just blew us away. It was the Right gin on the rocks, with just a slice of orange in it--not squeezed, but just dropped in the glass and stirred.
Oh my god--It was amazingly good. We had him fill up water glasses with it, and we wandered around a bit raving about how we had just found a replacement for the Bloody Mary. It was a serious breakfast drink, and neither one of us could believe how much we liked it. It didn't sound good at first, but that pepper spice and the citrus just balance each other out and it was a fantastic drink.
And right next to the gin booth was the absinthe booth. Man, what a wicked drink that is. Imagine licorice and jet fuel mixed together. But we had to drink it. I think we had it with rose water and muddled cucumber. Hell, I don't remember. I had it three different ways, each one more goofy than the next. But the gal serving the gin and the gal serving the absinthe were both just smokin' hot, plus they were a lot of fun to talk to, so we hung out there for quite some time, chatting with the hotties and getting hammered on their free samples.
After that, we were good and buzzed. We'd only been in the room for an hour, but Lars and I began referring to ourselves as Mr. Aldrin and Mr. Lightyear, so we decided it would be best to grab a couple of bottles of water and a handful of crackers and go sit down. Of course, we couldn't just sit there and do nothing--so we did the only thing we could think of--Drunk dialing!
I called Angy and told her that she really should've been there with me. Seriously, this party had her name written *all* over it. I think I talked to Hoya and Dane after that and told them that next year, they've got to plan their Vegas trip in November to come out and participate. They are wine drinkers, so I'm sure they'd love it.
Anyhow, we took about a twenty minute time-out, then we were right back in the game. Now, back on Friday night when I went to the liquor store to get the tickets, I couldn't *not* buy anything, so I picked up a bottle of The Captain while I was there. And going to Lee's Discount Liquor on a Friday night in Vegas is like going to Costco on Saturday morning--they have lots and lots of free samples. So while I was hanging out talking to the 'sample girls', one of them told me about her favorite liqueur, something called 'Castries'.
I'd never heard of it before, but there was a booth where they were giving out free samples. For those of you who don't know what Castries is, as near as I can figure it, it's a rum-based cream liqueur, but then it's flavored with peanuts. So it pours like Bailey's Irish Creme, but it tastes like booze and peanut butter. Can you say "Mikey's favorite breakfast"? Oh dear god, you have no idea how good that sounds to me! I put peanut butter up there in the pantheon of Greatest Foods Ever Invented, along with bacon, rum, ranch dressing, and chicken fried steak.
But that's not all--the gal behind the bar was pouring shots of it mixed with grape-flavored vodka, so everyone was getting happy on PB&J shots! About that time, Lars and I hooked up with a pack of cute gals, and we hung with them for an hour or two. We'd steer them to our favorite drinks, and they'd make us try stuff that they had discovered. As you can imagine, it was almost as much fun as free lappie night down at the OG!
My new friend Lori provides the background to my glass of peanut liqueur. I swear she still had her top on when I snapped this photo.
This exact photo was taken by at least seven different cameras within the space of five minutes.
There were an abundance of perfect breasts on display this evening, and well, they're meant to be played with, right? And if straight chicks can't resist them, how do you think it feels to be a guy?
Anyhow, those PB&J shots were really good--we kept joking that needed some Pringle's flavored shots and we'd have lunch taken care of. I think the gal behind the bar even let me have a bottle or two to play with. There is no truth to the rumor that I was suckling directly from the teat, however.
Peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time!
As good as those PB&J shots were, nothing could compare to just drinking the Castries straight up on the rocks--it was wonderful. It tasted like peanut brittle. So good! I must've had about eight or nine of those mini-shots over the course of the evening, and I was a great salesman for 'em too, getting all kinds of strangers to come over and try it. The gal in charge of pouring it became my new best friend.
Everybody loved the PB&J girl. In fact, I think she got a couple of marriage proposals throughout the course of the evening. Unfortunately, we're both still single. As far as you know.
Somehow, during the midst of all this buffoonery, we actually managed to get a bunch of wine tasting in, too. In fact, I really enjoyed the Merlot from the J. Lohr winery, and they told me that it was only about twelve bucks a bottle, too! Who'da thunkit?
Anyhow we wandered all over that ballroom, Me, Lars, and five or six gals we met up with, sampling all the goods, telling jokes, and laughing our asses off at our own drunken stupidity. But the gals had an appointment at some club that night, so we said our farewells and Lars and I were on our own again. But we took full advantage of all the treats on display, and tried a bunch of new stuff and hit our favorites for seconds (and thirds). Of course, being Gentlemen of Leisure, we made lots of new friends of the female species.
One of the rum girls really was so impressed with my knowledge of booze that she thought Lars and I worked in a bar. Nope, we told her, we're just educated drunks. And after I took this picture, I showed it to her and complimented her on her lingerie.
This girl made me put my hand on her ass when we snapped the picture. Who am I to say no? So we had to re-take it several times, just to make sure we got it right.
Lars finally learns what the 'Shocker' is from his new friend.
While we were out wandering and flirting with every girl who crossed our path, we actually ran into Mr. Lee and his son Kenny, of Lee's Discount Liquors. Due to their commercials, they are minor celebrities here in Vegas. We thanked them for throwing one helluva party, and they were kind enough to let us get a couple of pictures:
Three of the happiest guys in Vegas
At some point in this madness, we discovered Lars' personal Kryptonite. Or at least what put him over the edge. While running around with our harem of little black dresses, somebody discovered coffee-flavored Patron.
Oh dear god. Tequila is one crazy-assed liquor, but the intensity of it is kind of it's own deterrence. If you do a shot or two, you just know it's going to kick your ass. But Patron is stealth tequila. It's pretty damn smooth. Don't get me wrong, it still burns all the way down, but it's a smooth burn. Not this coffee flavored stuff--It's super stealthy. It's almost like mixing Kahlua and pure grain alcohol. Well, it tastes much better than that, but the result is the same. Seriously--it's like Special Olympics in a glass. Extreme caution should be exercised. Unfortunately, those words weren't in the vocabulary by that time of night, and we dove in head first.
I could handle it, but I think that's pretty much where I lost Lars. The girls were no help either. They kept wanting to drink more of it. And if I learned anything in college, it's that if attractive girls want more tequila, you always give it to them.
Are you going to say no to this? No, I didn't think so.
After a few rounds with the coffee-flavored tequila, it was time to prop Lars up in a corner somewhere. By then, there was only about an hour left to indulge anyways, so we got him a bottle of water and sat down at one of the tables over on the side of the room and said goodbye to the latest group of gals to join us on our adventure.
While Lars was fading fast, asking me to put the brakes on the room, I was still feeling pretty damn good and still wanted to wander around a bit--I still had plenty of mojo to expend. So he said he'd be ok there, recovering at the table for awhile, and I said I'd come back and find him later.
This is where my evening got really good.
I decided to wander back over to the gin and absinthe booth on the other side of the ballroom, just because the sample girls were such cuties and lots of fun to talk to. Well that, and I was thinking I could do another bit of that spicy pepper gin. When I got over there, I somehow started talking to these two pretty attractive girls, and found out that they were sisters. We hit it off right away, and I was immediately smitten by one of them.
Ladies and Gentleman, may I present to you Corlie and Carrie...
Corlie seemed to have made friends with another handsome bald dude, so I started talking to Carrie for a bit. Not only was she very nice, but I thought she was very stunning. She was kind enough to let me take a picture of her, and that's when I discovered just how photogenic she was. Wow. She hit me like a ton of bricks.
Once I caught a glimpse of the pictures I took, I told her that I wanted to get some more, just because they turned out so well. She was ok with it, and now my memory card is full of her pictures--and I can't stop looking at them!
I have no idea why I'm not smiling in this picture, because I was feeling very content at the time. But then again, nobody is looking at me, anyways...
I wish this picture wasn't so blurry, because it truly captures the essence of the tail-end of the night. Me and a very attractive gal, a glass of booze, and a rubber chicken. Like they say, a fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff...
And one more, just because I like the picture subject matter so much!
Corlie and her new friend. They make quite the handsome couple, don't ya think?
Anyhow--I could've stayed there talking to her all night, and I found myself wishing that I would've met her earlier in the evening. She was very nice and it was the high point of the evening, as far as I was concerned. But the lights finally came on and the party was over. So we exchanged email addresses and said our goodbyes. I think I only had about one drink the entire time we were talking, so my buzz was starting to really mellow out by then and I headed back over to where I left Lars an hour before.
He was gone.
Now, I know he couldn't have gone very far under his own power, so I did a lap of the ballroom to look for him, but he was nowhere to be found. I ran into three gals who were sitting at the same table as we were, and I asked if they'd seen where he had gotten off to, and they told me that they thought he had gotten sick.
Oh man, that's not cool. So I called his phone, and after about three rings, some chick answered it. I told them who I was and who I was looking for, and they said they had him outside in the lobby of the ballroom. I met up with them just a couple of minutes later, and Lars had found himself a couple of nice blonde gals to babysit him. He was kind of a wreck though, so we walked him out to the casino and parked him in front of a slot machine. I wandered over to the little deli in the main lobby and bought a bottle of water for him, then went back.
One of the gals lives down here in Henderson, and she very kindly offered to take us home. I thought that was going way above and beyond the call of duty, but she was totally cool with offering to take care of us. I figured we should wait around just a bit and let Lars chill out, drink some water, and make sure that he could make the entire drive without redecorating our new friend's car.
So we sat for a bit, just chilling and visiting, while Lars dealt with his personal demons. Of course, being a typical guy, I couldn't help but take a few blackmail pictures. Heh.
Eventually, he was feeling like he could make the drive home, so we dumped him in the backseat and headed of towards Henderson. Getting through the entry gate in his highly-secured community was an adventure, but eventually we managed to find a gadget that worked. I got him inside his house, and at that point, he became Shari's problem. Double heh.
A few minutes later, I was saying goodbye to our new friend Cindy, thanking her profusely for taking the time to get us home safely, and saving us cab fare to boot. Once I got up out of the car, I realized that I still had a pretty good buzz going, but I made it up to my room without hurting myself, and I started working on this post. I finally went to bed around midnight, and slept like a baby, waking up about an hour before my alarm.
Thank god work didn't call--I was in no shape to deal the cards. But I was scheduled the next morning, so I knew it was highly unlikely that I'd get called in.
Anyhow--it was one helluva great time, and I couldn't believe how much fun I had. Not only did I get to try a bunch of tasty wine and booze, but I had a great time meeting new people and enjoying a night out.
I really look forward to doing it again. And maybe, just maybe, sometime soon I'll get to see Carrie again, too. She was really somethin'...
Mikey
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