Something For Everyone

Hey Gang! I know it's been a few days, and the re-clickers out there are feeling a little abandoned this week, but I'm back. I've just been so busy this week that I haven't had time to write a decent update. So this one is gonna be long. I suggest you grab a beverage and get comfortable, because it's probably going to take me all afternoon to write.

So where did I leave off?

Oh yes, it was Monday morning, and all I wanted to do was drink coffee and read books. If I recall correctly, I managed the pot of coffee. The books, not so much.

This new schedule, coupled with the lingering bug I've been fighting, have tag-teamed to just wear my ass out. I'm sleeping in fits and spurts, eating once a day, if that, and running at half speed. So on Monday, I decided to go out and get some fresh air.

Actually, I returned to the scene of the crime.

After my foray into the ladies room last week, I had pretty much sworn off Green Valley Ranch for the foreseeable future. I wasn't going back anytime soon. However, GVR is the closest casino to my house, and along with all of the diversions at The District, it's a good spot to hang out when one has some free time. Besides, I really wanted to see the new James Bond flick, and they have a movie theatre.

At least the theatre is downstairs and has it's own separate entrance, so I could go catch a movie and avoid the casino altogether if I just parked over by the Elephant Bar. I figured it was worth the risk, so I headed on over.

I made it in time for the first showing of the day, and matinees are just $7.75 at Regal theatres. But the change from my twenty dollar bill evaporated a few seconds later when I ordered a small popcorn and a large fountain Coke. Seriously, $11.75 for popcorn and a soda? WTF? Next time, I'm gonna smuggle in a box of Junior Mints and a 20 ounce bottle under my jacket. F*ck those crooks.

I got in just in time to catch the beginning of the Coming Attractions, and I swear if I have to sit through another totally ghey preview of the new Fast & Furious movie, I'm gonna hunt down Vin Diesel and personally kick him in the nuts for being such a douchebag. I can't even begin to imagine what kind of audience that movie would appeal to, and I can't come up with any scenario where something so craptacular actually turns a profit. Yeah, I know there is a subculture of brain-dead adolescents who are really into street racing, but I'm not gonna cough up a dime to sit through one of their stroke-films. Hell, I'm pissed off every time I have to sit through that lame-ass three-minute trailer. I guess it's just because that insipid 'I live my life a quarter-mile at a time' line from the first one that has embedded itself into my subconscious is the reason for my bitterness. When I heard that, I all I could think was What kind of retard says shit like that? and I immediately moved Mr. Diesel into the column of "People who need their skull bashed in with a cast-iron frying pan".

So if you're one of the people willing to cough up money to the Fast & the Furious franchise, do the gene pool a favor and go get yourself castrated or otherwise sterilized.

Anyhow. I can't believe I just went on a rant like that over a movie trailer...

But back to Quantum of Solace. Lemme give a couple of thoughts. First of all, I really dig Daniel Craig as the new James Bond. He's easily the best one since Connery. And I thought Casino Royale was a fantastic rebirth of the Bond franchise.

However, Quantum was a huge step backwards. I like how they picked up where Casino Royale left off, but beyond that, this movie kind trips over it's own wang. First of all--there are no Q-style cool gadgets. That's a Bond staple, strangely missing this time around. And apparently, Miss Moneypenny has been replaced by a metrosexual bureaucratic lacky functioning as an administrative assistant. M must have a hankerin' for boy-toys in the office.

But the absolute worst thing was all of the hand-held cameras and skip-editing during the all-too-common action scenes. Remember how unwatchable the second Jason Bourne movie was? There was a lot of that style of direction where they 'enhance' the action by what appears to be nothing more than a bunch of bouncing cameras filming each sequence. It's awful--the beginning chase scene is impossible to follow, and a very lame fight scene that takes place on some ropes and scaffolding is just ridiculous. Just hold the goddam camera still fer chrissakes! It gives one a headache to try and follow the action.

As bad as the direction is, it wasn't a visually appealing movie, either. Most of the action is in Haiti and Bolivia, probably two of the ugliest places on earth. Nobody wants to see that shiat on the big screen. The next Bond flick needs to get back to Eastern Europe, Russia, or the Orient. And seriously, using James Bond to head off a coup attempt in some third-world banana republic? Please. Weren't there any former KGB officers or old East German intelligence types up to no good that week? Were there no internationally-known villains plying their trade in Amsterdam or Prague at the time?

There were a couple of high points--the banter between Bond and M as she tries to reign him in is always good. There is good chemistry there, and they should've done more with that. And this particular Bond girl, Olga Kurylenko, is amazingly sexy. Granted, they really dress her down in this flick, but you catch glimpses. She's got that whole eastern European thing going on which really turns my crank--that cross between smokin' hot and bat-shiat crazy which pulls me in like a moth to the flame. But there isn't much chemistry between her and Bond, and sadly enough, he never even gets her close to the sack. At the end, when they kiss goodbye, the chemistry is so bad between them that she's got a look on her face that looks like it says Holy shit, why is my cousin trying to slip me the tongue?!??!?

As good as the women are in this one, the 'villain' and his, ahem, sidekick, don't really instill a lot of fear or apprehension. They remind me more of Niles Crane from Frasier and Ruprect from Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. Seriously--Worst. Bond Villains. Ever. And don't get me started on how Bond can overpower three Secret Service agents in an elevator, yet it takes him ten minutes of fight-to-the-death scrapping to subdue Niles Crane in a burning hotel. Something does not compute. Again--more Bourne, less Bond. All he does is fight in this one. Outsmarting his rivals seems to be a skill they took away this time.

So the bottom line, is that yes, it was a mildly entertaining flick, but it doesn't even come close to being as good as Casino Royale, which was deemed DVD collection-worthy as soon as the credits rolled. This one, I'm just glad I only paid eight bucks to see it. Imagine the fall-off between Ocean's 11 and Ocean's 12, and you'll get where I'm coming from. Worth seeing once, that's it. I just hope that they set things right with the next one and make it an actual James Bond movie, not another Jason Bourne sequel.

After the movie, I came back to the house, turned on the tube, and did nothing for the rest of the evening but watch the football game, drink a little rum, and sleep for like 13 hours straight. Work, luckily, has not called for a couple of days.

When I got up on Tuesday morning, I was really hungry. I'd had nothing but popcorn the day before, and I found myself perusing the online menu for the Omelet House over on Boulder Highway. It's just a few minutes away from the house, and that Popeye omelet was looking mighty tasty. Besides, I had the day off again, and I needed a palate cleanser after seeing that less-than-stellar Bond movie. So I took a shower, got dressed, and headed out.

When I got out to my truck, there was a bright-orange warning sticker on the window. Apparently the Henderson police department thinks that since my truck is parked in the same place on the street every day, I'm 'storing' it there and I had 48 hours to move it. I thought that was kind of shiatty, since parking on the street is legal here in our neighborhood. But I work nights, so it looks like my truck never moves. But I had been parking it in the street because my roommate had noticed oil spots underneath it in the driveway, and I started parking it out there until I get another oil change.

Anyhow, that note on the window kind of changed the situation--I didn't want to take a chance on getting towed, so I needed to go back to parking in the driveway. So even though I didn't need it yet, I decided to take my truck down and get another oil change, this time at a different place, and have them check for leaks and such.

The note on the window made me forget about breakfast for awhile, but since I had all day to get the oil changed, I headed back over to GVR first. Yep, time for another movie! This time around, I opted for Role Models, with that guy who plays Stiffler in American Pie, and the other guy, I think, was Alicia Silverstone's step-brother in Clueless. As disappointing as the James Bond movie was, this one exceeded all expectations and I found myself chuckling all the way through it.

There were a few big laughs, a whole lot of little ones, and a few gratuitous gross-out moments thrown in just for good measure. It's kinda tough to give it a review--the plot is out there in the previews. Basically a couple of slackers have to do 150 hours of community service or 30 days of jail time. Their service turns out to be mentoring a couple of 'at-risk' kids, and even though it's kind of a predictable formula, there are a few cool twists and turns and the surprise over-arching 'KISS' theme makes it even more fun. Seriously, I enjoyed the hell out of that movie and would recommend it to anyone looking for a couple of hours of mindless entertainment.

When I got out of the movie, my phone was ringing. It was my sister Cyndi back in Nashville, and her and a couple of her girlfriends had embarked on a Thelma & Louise roadtrip during their lunch break. They blew off work and decided to road trip down to Tunica and gamble all night and then come back in time for work the next morning. She said it made her think of me, so she called to tell me of her plans. I haven't heard back from her yet, so I hope it went well.

Once our phone call ended, I decided to go and get the truck worked on. I drove down to the Firestone shop on Eastern & 215, and told them to change the oil and give the truck a thorough going-over. I opted for the tire store for two reasons--I wanted them to pay particular attention to my tires and brakes, it was less than a half-mile from Grimaldi's, too.

After sitting in the waiting room for about a half an hour, they came back in with bad news. There were a few minor things that needed attention, but a seal on my transmission had failed and was leaking, and needed immediate replacement. Suddenly my $30 oil change turned into a $300 afternoon at the garage. They said it would take a couple of hours to get the part delivered and then do the labor required, so I said the hell with it and started hiking. Grimaldi's was just up the road.

Luckily, it was a beautiful sunny day out here in America's Playground, so it was a pleasant walk. It was mid-afternoon by then, so the restaurant was fairly empty. I took a seat at the indoor-outdoor bar and ordered a tall Peroni draft.

I don't know why I always look at the menu, because I always end up getting the same thing--a large pepperoni and mushroom pie. So I sat there for about an hour and a half, drinking cold beer, eating fine pizza, and enjoying pleasant conversation with the bartender. Eventually, it was time to hike back to the repair shop, so I boxed up my leftovers and headed back.

My truck was all done within a half hour or so after I got back, but the repair bill was a tough nut to swallow. But at least it was a problem that got caught early. I've had to pay for a new transmission before, and if I never have to do that again, I'm totally cool with it. $300 is a much easier pill to swallow than $2200. And I didn't have to worry about leaking oil or tranny fluid on the driveway anymore.

I was carrying my pizza box from Grimaldi's when I paid my bill, and it was a conversation starter with the gal at the desk. But she was from Chicago and insisted that I try her favorite spot, Pie Town Pizza. She even gave me a menu from the drawer that she just happened to have, and told me to come back and tell her my thoughts...

By the time I got home, I was extremely tired, so I wanted to get a little sleep in before going out again. My plan was to play in the 8:00 pm tournament down at Binion's. But I wasn't home for an hour before my roommate came up and told me that my truck was leaking all over the driveway again.

Damn.

I went down there to look, and yep, there was a small puddle of clean oil on ground under my truck. I had a flashlight and checked the filter and oil pan, and everything was in order. But there was a whole bunch of oil all over my axle, with beads forming and dripping off. It appeared that whoever changed my oil let the pump nozzle go once they'd filled the crankcase and just sprayed oil everywhere. My engine is still damn near spotless, and all of the oil was very clean, so it seemed to be the best guess.

I chose not to worry about it at the time, and just headed on downtown to Binion's. The tournament area was eerily quiet, and when I paid my registration, I asked how many players had signed up so far. They told me they had enough for two tables. That kinda sucked--every other time I've been there, their 8 pm tourney has gotten at least three or four tables worth of players.

Well, that two tables was a bit optimistic. When 8:00 rolled around there were six of us sitting at one table. I was ready to get a refund and split, but everyone wanted to wait and see if we'd get a few more players, so I agreed to stay if we could get a full table and treat it as a sit-n-go. Finally about a half hour later, we got the tourney started and we actually had 13 players. Because of that, they were going to pay the top three spots, with the winner getting like $650. That kind of sucked, since the buy-in was $125, but by then I was already in.

On the very first hand of the tournament, I got pocket Aces. Unfortunately, everyone except the button folded, and all I could get out of him was one bet. As soon as I bet on the flop, he folded too. Ugh.

The tournament turned into what amounted to being a very expensive practice session. For only having 13 players, it was truly a grind. Nobody would bust out--money was just moving around the table in a circle. I played for almost four hours before going all-in with Ace-King (I only had about three big blinds left in my stack), and I got one caller who had pocket sevens. Neither hand improved and I went out in sixth place because the other player had me covered. Seriously--how tight is a tournament if it takes four hours for the seventh player to bust out?

I was a bit disappointed--not because of my play, but because of the lame field. My next tourney will be against a bigger field down at the Venetian, I think. But that won't be until next week at the earliest.

So I said goodnight and good luck to my opponents and then headed out to the valet to fetch my truck. I sat down on the bench to wait, when a mildly attractive blonde gal with fake boobs, too much makeup, and a Juicy Couture sweatsuit walked up and sat right next to me. I mean, all up in my personal space. She started a conversation, and I realized very soon that she was a dancer next door there at the Gulch and was just finishing up her shift. Getting all up in personal space was just second nature to her. We chatted for a bit, but my truck showed up before she made her pitch, which I was sure was coming.

Due to all of the construction downtown, I was unable to get over to the on-ramp at the Boulevard and I-95, so I took the 'scenic' route back to Henderson, ending up on Boulder Highway. Luckily for me I did, because a little while later I saw that the Circle K at Russell and Boulder had unleaded for $2.07 per gallon, by far the cheapest I've ever seen. (It's still $2.19 per gallon just about everywhere else). So I pulled in there and filled up before coming home and collapsing in bed.

When I got up this morning, I had a few errands to run. I wanted to run back over to the bank and move some money around, and then I was planning on getting my engine de-greased. Unfortunately, the only do-it-yourself carwash that I know of is over on the other side of my old neighborhood, just off of Tropicana.

After stopping at the local bank branch, I drove down to the car wash place with a pocket full of quarters. Since my truck was pretty filthy anyways, it was a two-fold mission. So not only did I wash the outside of the truck, I managed to get the engine compartment all squeaky clean and all of the oil residue off of the bottomside, too. It only took about a half hour of scrubbin', but now my truck is all pretty again, inside and out.

Of course, after finishing that little chore, it was lunchtime. Where did I go--to Pie Town Pizza! However, since I'd had Grimaldi's the day before, I wasn't in the mood for pizza. But looking at their menu, I saw that they also offered sandwiches and one of my latest cravings, hot dogs.

First of all, the location is just right--it's in a strip mall over on Sunset and Green Valley Parkway--about midway between my current place and 'Rueben's House' where I used to live. A lot of people rave about Amore for Chicago food, but the biggest drawback is that it's way the hell over on the west side of town, and I hate driving over there unless I know I'm gonna get my hands on some boobies or something while I'm out there.

Anyhow, it's a very small place--barely a storefront with just six booths for those who wish to eat in. But you know the food has got to be good when the kitchen is over twice as big as the dining room. But the dining room is very cool--both brick walls are covered with huge murals featuring pictures of every famous Chicago icon you can imagine, from the Blues Brothers, to Oprah, Ed Bundy, and the four 'Da Bears!' guys from SNL.

And the staff--three of the four people I met were from the Windy City, and they were very proud of their restaurant. So from the extensive menu and the pleasing asthetics of the restaurant, it looked like I was in for a pleasant meal.

I was fairly hungry, and in the mood to put on my food critic hat and sample different things, so I ordered a 'Bull' dog (a Vienna beef dog with chile, cheese, and onions), a Polish dog, side of fries, a pepperoni pizza puff, and a large Coke. Oh hell yeah, they get bonus points for being a Coke place!

While the chili dog was very good, the Polish dog was just out of this world fantastic! Easily the best one I've ever had. I know, that's a bold statement, but this one came on a steamed poppy seed bun, and it was covered in yellow mustard and sauteed onions. Way better than the 'award winner' at Costco. It was sooooo good. I could've easily eaten about four of them and walked away very happy. The pizza puff was pretty good, but didn't move me. It was like eating a pepperoni Danish, and the pizza puffs at Native New Yorker back in Phoenix are just a little better, I think.

I also have to give props to the fries. Normally, I don't order fries whenever I eat out. They're just not my thing. But one of the guys behind the counter talked me into a side order. I'm glad I did it, because these were very good. They were the double-fried kind, lightly seasoned, and like a good Vienna beef dog, they had a good snap to them, yet the insides were tender. I thoroughly enjoyed them, and no ketchup was needed.

While I was sitting there enjoying the food, I couldn't help but compare it to a visit to a place called Chicago Tasty Dog I went to a few weeks ago. One night, Kelly was over, and we decided to go out and get a bite to eat, and we ended up there. Overall, it was pretty bad. The buns were stale, the fries were greasy and limp, and it was waaaay overpriced. I was really bummed because I was craving a Chicago style dog, and these were no good at all. Not a good place at all--if you want a hot dog, avoid this place at all costs.

But Pie Town was great--I can't wait to go back again. But before I left, I thought it would be a mortal sin if I didn't try their deep dish pizza. So I ordered one to go to eat later tonight. I got a 12" Superfan Special, substituting mushrooms for the olives. It took another half hour or so, causing me to wait around, but I was cool with hanging out talking to the cutie behind the counter and watching ESPN.

I was chilling in my booth when the cook brought out my pizza box. He set it on the table and presented it to me like a briefcase full of money. He opened the lid, and I swear the immediate area lit up like when Jules Winfield opened the mystery suitcase for Ringo there in the Hawthorne Grill.

I almost broke into my bad Tim Roth British accent and asked Is that what I think it is?

Yep, it was a work of art, weighing in at a good eight pounds or more.

I brought it home, and as full as I was from lunch, I managed to eat a piece while I've been making this post. It's damn good. Better than Amore. So all of you Chicago food fans out here on the east side of town now have a place to call your own. The deep-dish pizza is great. The Vienna dogs are authentic, and the Polish dogs are damn near orgasmic. I'll be back there for lunch next week on my day off. Oh, and they have garlic knots too. I didn't try them, and frankly, I'll be surprised if they're as good as the ones at Chicago Brewing Company, but hey, it's just another reason to go back.

Anyhow, that's pretty much what's been going on in the World of Mikey for the past two days. I'm back home now, getting ready to go to bed because I have to work late tonight. But I may have another slice of pizza first...

Mikey