The Opposite

My name is George. I'm unemployed and live with my parents.

Today, I have done the damn-near-impossible. Seriously, I'm amazed at my ability to f*ck something up to a level of perfection previously unheard of.

My advice to you, dear readers, is that if I ever offer up my opinions on college football, run, don't walk, RUN to the sportsbook, and lay all the money you have on the exact opposite of my picks.

In my hot little hand, I'm holding a six-team parlay ticket on today's action, a $10 play that would pay $410 if I picked each game correctly. This is what I have going:

• Auburn -7 over Tennessee
• Purdue +1.5 over Notre Dame
• East Carolina -10.5 over Houston
• Georgia -6.5 over Alabama
• Nebraska -7 over Virginia Tech
• Penn State -16 over Illinois

Let's see how I'm doing so far.

• Auburn beat Tennessee, but only by 2 points. Loss
• Purdue lost to Notre Dame by 17 points. Loss
• East Carolina lost by 17 points. I missed this one by four touchdowns. Loss
• Georgia is down 31-0 right now. Definitely gonna lose.
• Nebraska is down by 5 points at home as I type this. I'm 13 points in the hole. Not looking good.
• Penn State and Illinois are tied up in Happy Valley, and it's almost halftime. Illinois needs to collapse for me to sniff a victory. Gonna lose this one, too.
  

Perhaps I'll do better in the NFL games tomorrow. Last week I was perfect and cashed a ticket for $140. Let's hope for a repeat.

Otherwise, I suck.

Mikey