Anyhow, to answer the questions from the comment section buffoons and random emailers--
Who do I like in the Bills/Rams and Cardinals/Jets games this weekend?
First of all, the Cardinals are NOT one of my favorite teams. Just because I had season tickets for a few years, it doesn't mean I'm a fan. But hey, I was at the game where Steve Young got knocked out of the league...
Anyhow, my poor pitiful Rams have lost each game so far by at least 20+ points. They didn't even get into the red zone for the first time until the third week of the season. The bottom line is that they suck more than Paris Hilton did in that green-tinted video. So I'll take the Bills and lay the nine points. I'm also trying to find the current over/under on exactly what point in the game Trent Green is carried off on a stretcher.
As far as the Cardinals/Jets game goes, everyone likes the Cardinals and Kurt Warners sudden rejuvination. And the fact that they stayed on the east coast all week, chillin'. I dunno. The Cards haven't beaten anybody yet, and the Jets are somewhat frisky. I could never bet on the Cardinals anyways--thats every bit as dumb a move as wandering off into the woods by yourself in a teen slasher movie. But the Jets, good lord. They're still the Jets. I'm not touching that game, but if I were forced to, I'd take the Jets and lay the three points.
What steak house are you talking about?
Lars and I love go grub on good food around Vegas, and he told me about a joint out in East
What the hell do they serve in the TDR on graveyard shift?
Basically, crap on a stick. It's awful. No more breakfast, no more made-to-order grill specials. They bring in the crap from the buffet. Seriously--steam table pans of random crap. Twice this week I went in to the dining room at 8:30 in the morning and there was dried up meatloaf, corn on the cob, chili, mashed potatoes, and a huge tub of alfredo sauce. But no pasta. WTF? And the salad bar hadn't been put out yet, either. There is no more yogurt, donuts, that god-awful 'pizza', or breakfast of any kind. There is a do-it-yourself sandie counter, and they have chicken breast and hamburger patties also, but everything is always dried out and nasty. And they have these stupid propaganda posters all over the back hallway with pictures of the Executive Chef saying "Our commitment to you is to serve you the finest food, just like our buffet customers". What the fuck ever, dude. He should be forced to eat that shit every day. Everyone has started brown-baggin' it now, or grabbing stuff from Sbarro, China Panda, or Fatburger.
What the hell clogs your drain? I'm guessing it ain't your hair.
I have no idea. I've only been here three months, but my roommate told me he used to wash the dogs in that tub before anyone else lived here. So I'm guessing it's a bunch of Golden Retriever hair clogging the pipes. But the Drano did the trick.
Dude, what's the deal with you and cocktail waitresses?
The deal is, I work in a poker room, so cocktail waitresses are damn near all the female interaction I get at work anymore. Besides, they're nice to look at, and hot girls need love too. The smart money says that within ten years I'll have an ex-wife who was a cocktail waitress at some point.
Does anybody ever really win at 4/8 Holdem?
Nope. Only the guys with their names on the building, because the house breaks one player an hour. Otherwise, it's just a pleasant diversion and a fun way to spend an afternoon. Anyone that tells you they're making consistent money at low-limit poker is full of shiat. (Unless, of course, they're playing a weekly game at the Nashville City Club against the worst players on the planet...)
Is Georgia going to beat Alabama this weekend?
Probably. But they won't cover.
Ok, now that you've been dealing poker for awhile and seem to be comfortable at it, do you mind if I ask about how much you make in tips? Is it better than being in the pit?
Ok, the honest truth is, when I'm working before 10:00 am, I make about $30 per hour in tips. After 10:00 am, it's closer to $40. And don't forget the awesome minimum wage the casino pays me in addition to the tips I pocket. And yeah--it's waaaaay better than working in the pit. If I never deal dice, blackjack, or Pai Gow again, I'm totally cool with that.
I heard that all you locals play video poker like maniacs, is that true?
It seems to be, but I hate it. I *never* play VP unless I'm at a bar drinkin' and needing an excuse to talk to a hot girl who's also playing. Otherwise, I never touch it. Seriously, I hate video poker like I hate Rachel Ray, the Seahawks, and 6:5 blackjack. All of my friends, however, seem to play regularly. I just don't get the attraction to it.
How often do you go down to The Strip?
Rarely, if ever. I only go down there if friends or fellow buffoons are in town, or if I'm playing in a particularly juicy poker tournament. Otherwise, I stay away.
People always talk about playing Spot the Hooker in Vegas. Do you see a bunch at your job?
Rarely. I don't work on the Strip, so the working gals don't usually troll my casino. There are a few on occasion, but nothing like the gauntlet you have to run at the Bellagio.
Do you ever see any of the big-name poker pros?
Not at my job, that's for sure. But sometimes when I'm down on the Strip I'll see them. I've seen Scotty Nguyen all over town, along with that asshat Humberto Brenes. But I've never run into Matusow, Hellmuth, Lindgren, Ivey, Brunson, or Negraneau anywhere outside of the Bellagio or the Rio during the Series. I'm holding out hope that someday I get trapped in an elevator with Clonie Gowan for a few hours, but otherwise, nah, the real poker players don't play in the same games I do.
Anyhow, that's all the questions for now. I'm on my way out to the Chicago Brewing Company with Lars for some 'garlic donuts' and some fine microbrew. He's driving tonight, so it'll be quite enjoyable for me...
Mikey
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