Thursday, April 10, 2008

A Request For the Nerds

I'm always amazed at the technology that humans can come up with when they're properly motivated. I still stare at my iPod in wide-eyed wonder. And the fact that I can write this and post it instantaneously for hundreds of readers around the world--from the comfort of my bed--is an amazing feat. Back in the 80's, a cell phone, wireless technology, and the internet were stuff of fantasy. Hell, as late as 1996, it seemed like the trendiest must-have gadget was a beeper. Does anyone still use those?

But in our technology evolution, we seemed to have missed a few things. Yes, there are some inventions that haven't made it to Best Buy yet, and I'm patiently waiting to spend my hard-earned dollars on them.

The first one, it seems, should be pretty straight-forward. The obvious name for it would be the 'micro-chill'. Reverend Dave and I have been talking about it for years, yet it's never been invented yet. Basically, we're looking for the opposite of a microwave oven. I want an appliance that you can put a bottle of room-temperature beer in, press a button, and thirty seconds later it comes out frosty cold. Seriously--it would be a gold mine. Not only would it be good for beverages, but for blanching vegetables, cooling leftovers, and making ice or ice cream. Who wouldn't want that? It would be in every kitchen in America, just like a toaster or a blender.

I actually emailed the smartest person I know, Steven den Beste, a couple of years ago, and asked him why it hasn't been invented yet. Basically, he said it was impossible because there is no such thing as hot and cold. There is only heat and less heat. You cannot radiate 'less heat' from one object to another.

I do remember, however, from high school science class, that the cooling process is a slowing down of molecules. So if there was some way to slow down molecules in a chamber (without using the obvious salt and ice, or cold air), it could be invented, one would think. I dunno, I'm just brainstormin' here.

The next moneymaker yet to be invented would rank right up there with Tivo and other DVR devices. How about a de-pixellating chip for your TV that unscrambles the pixellated nudity that is shown on 'E' and those late-night Girls Gone Wild infomercials? I mean, who wouldn't pay for a device that shows the naughty bits? Every dude in America would buy it. Hell, before long, it would be a standard feature on TV sets, straight from the factory. Anything that gives easier access to p0rn is going to sell like hotcakes--it's a fact of life.

And the third invention, I remember discussing over ten years ago--scientists are supposedly on the cusp of doing amazing things with molecular re-alignment. Of course, like the apple hitting Newton on the head, the thing that triggered my thought process was a ridiculously simple application of molecular re-alignment. I want all those small busted chip fragments at the bottom on the Tostitos bag to be put back together into regular-sized chips so that I can dip them in my salsa. Otherwise, they get thrown out. But that was the first use that my simple mind came up with. If one could re-align matter at the molecular level, well, you'd never have to worry about breaking anything ever again--you could just put it back together again, (of course, I'm guessing you'd have to have an 'original map' on file of everything on earth). But still, the mind boggles at the possibilities.

Those are about the only inventions I can think of right off the top of my head that would make the world a much better place. On the other hand, maybe we should start small. I'm looking for somebody to invent some trail mix that uses cashews in place of almonds. That can't be too hard, can it?

Mikey

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