Bold Statement

Coming to the end of a long work week, it's too easy to be a slug. I slept in today till almost 2pm, giving myself almost 9 uninterrupted hours of sleep. It was great. No alarm clock, no errands to run, nobody in town I had to meet, no place to go, nothing to do. I could lie around in my boxers and just chill. So I didn't get out of bed until the middle of afternoon. I'm sure my dad would be proud.

But that laziness carried over. I was very hungry by the time 6:00 pm rolled around, having had nothing to eat in about 18 hours, and the only food in the house is of that must-be-prepared kind. No frozen pizza, no microwave snacks, no open-the-can-and-serve type of munchables on hand of any kind. Yeah, I could've made some stir-fried shrimp and Mediterranean vegetables, or bow-tie pasta with chicken and mushrooms, a nice chef's salad, or even made breakfast for dinner, but I was just too damn lazy today.

So what does one do when your cupboards are full but "there is no food in the house"? Run for the border? That's always an idea, but the closest Taco Bell is damn near impossible to get out of during rush hour traffic. Jack in the Box? Mmmm.... love that idea, but the nearest one is staffed by the completely retarded rejects from the No-Minimum-Wager-Left-Behind-Act, and they're always out of something, lettuce, cheese, french fries, buns... etc., so they never get my business. The next closest Jack in the Box requires me to do a U-turn against the mass of traffic getting off of the highway, so again, time of day works against that option.

McDonalds doesn't appeal to me, although we have the fastest drive-thru in captivity at the Sunset and Eastern location. I just don't like the golden arches very much, unless it's McNuggets, and I wasn't feeling that tonight (McGriddles for breakfast, however, is a different story--all that is holy and good made into a tasty breakfast treat!). And although I haven't eaten at Burger King in over two years, I refuse to eat there again until they stop running those disturbing 'peep show' commercials.

Ooooh, there's always Roberto's Taco Shop, but the last two times I've been there, either my order was messed up (my Spanish isn't nearly good enough for them to understand what I want on my burrito), or the food was missing something and didn't taste quite right. I like Lenny's, but wasn't in the mood for a sub Sandwich and I won't eat at Subway just on general principle (shitty sandwiches, annoying commercials). I could order a pizza from Metro, but I'm about pizza'd out--we have it available at work, and even though it's not very good, it beats a lot of the offerings in the buffet line every night, so a lot of times I just 'run home to mama' and have that.

I would love me some Thai food--but the local joint, as good as it is, is quite expensive. An appetizer of Crab Rangoon, some chicken satay, and a serving of Pad Thai runs about $23. Forget that. I learned that lesson the hard way. Of course, I had some leftovers, but I'd like to have leftovers for about twelve bucks, iffin' I had my druthers, as they say down south. Chinese food is cheap, but it's a poor substitute when you've been thinking about Thai food just a few moments earlier. Besides, most carry-out Chinese food is of the dumbed-down kung pao or sweet and sour pork variety. To find really good Chinese food in this town, I need to put shoes on, head west on Spring Mountain, and run the gauntlet of massage parlors. I just didn't feel up to the task tonight.

So what did that leave me? The only thing I could think of was Del Taco.

Oh yes, my Mexican Food Happy Place. I haven't been there in what seems like months, but it's never disappointed. I remember in October of 2005 when I was so broke that I lived on peanut butter sandwiches and water for three weeks straight, getting that first real paycheck and hitting the ATM at midnight-o-one, grabbing twenty bucks out and spending more than half of it at Del Taco for the first tasty meal I'd had in almost a month.

The more I sat here at my computer thinking about Del Taco, the hungrier I became. There were a few stray bills floating around in my wallet, enough that I didn't have to visit the ATM this time, so off I went. Apparently, I wasn't the only one with a Del Taco craving at the time, because I was sitting in the drive-thru waiting for my turn to order, stuck behind a big white stretch limo. Must've been Burt Reynolds or something.

Theirs is an extensive menu, and I think I've had pretty much everything on it at some time or another, but it's just pricey enough that it remains a 'special occasion' fast food stop. Once a month, tops. Browsing the menu, I opted for a Big Fat Steak Taco (soooo good!) and a Double Del Bacon Cheeseburger.

What? No Macho Burrito? No 99-cent Beaner? No spicy chicken quesadilla???

Nope. One time in the past, I ordered a Bacon Double Del and was amazed at how damn good it was. Them Mexicans make a mean burger! So ordered another one tonight.

I got home a few minutes later and enjoyed every bit of it--it was so good. Like a Big Mac without the extra bread getting in the way. And with better meat and bacon too! The taco was great, also, but like Jules Winfield so famously said, Damn, that *is* a tasty burger!

Unfortunately, I didn't have a watery fountain coke to help wash it down, but there were a few cold cans of Atlanta's finest rolling around in my fridge that somehow managed to avoid being sacrificed to the Rum Gods earlier in the week, so my meal was complete.

And now for the Bold Statement that is likely going to send my comments section into convulsions unseen since the great coleslaw debate of 2005...

I'm here to tell you that I firmly believe that the Double Del Bacon Cheeseburger is even better than an In & Out Double Double Animal Style. And way better than anything those schlubs at Fatburger put out. (Fatburger is dead to me now--too many bad experiences to ever get another dime from me).

Yep. I said it. Del Taco makes a better burger than In & Out.

I know that's heresy to some people, even worthy of banishment in some cultures, but you can't get bacon at In & Out. And bacon is meat candy! Besides, the fries are no good at In & Out. Don't get me wrong, they still make a damn fine burger, but I've got to give the slight edge to Del Taco.

Now if you'll excuse me while I sit here and enjoy a pleasing bacon-burp.

But feel free to light up my comments section telling me that I'm an uncultured cretin and shouldn't be allowed to pass judgement ever again on anything related to food. I can take it.

Mikey