Wednesday, January 27, 2010


What kind of jackass pulls out his cell phone and high-limit credit card while riding a ski lift?

Seriously, that's another one of those classic blunders that rates right up there with getting involved in a land war in Asia. You know the commercial I'm talking about; that Chase sapphire one that's been run into the ground lately. Not only that, but the dude is double stupid because he pulls it out of his pocket--he doesn't even carry the card around in his wallet. Now why would you do that any time, much less during an afternoon on the slopes? And his wife isn't much better, grabbing the phone out of his hands while wearing mittens. You know that shiat would fall 30 feet and be lost in a snowbank until the spring thaw.

Just a hint to the marketing geniuses at Chase--those of us with triple-digit IQs wait until we're at the bottom of the run to call in and check our reward point balance. I'm just sayin'.

You're telling me that they couldn't film that commercial while sitting on a beach somewhere instead? Speaking as a sun-belt consumer, I don't want to be reminded of cold, snow, and winter when it's 36 degrees and rainy outside. Hit me with that one in July when it's about 115 degrees in the shade. Besides, if they would've done that, they could've easily knocked out a Corona commercial at the same time, all for the price of a couple of beers and a sliced up lime.

And another thing... I would never set foot in a Golden Corral, but do they have security on staff there? I mean, that waitress just loses her shiat when the guy says that he only wants to pay ten bucks for the Plate-o'-Meat. I don't know if I want to 1) eat in a joint that offers that much food for that cheap, unless there is a casino attached to it, and 2) eat anywhere that keeps a security staff on the payroll. A place like that would probably be full of screaming brat kids, anyways, and you couple that with an unstable wait staff, and well, I'll save up for a month or two and treat myself to Arby's instead. And is there nothing lower than being security at Golden Corral? I mean, even Mall Cops make fun of those guys.

To tell the truth, I *have* been to a Golden Corral. They used to have one up in Rexburg when I was attending school there. Every Tuesday at 2:00 pm, the whole damn campus would shut down for the weekly 'Devotional', which irritated me to no end, so my roommates and I would escape and head down to the Golden Corral to study and eat ice cream. It's been twenty or more years, but if I recall correctly, I thought the place was a buffet. But somehow we could pay just a couple of bucks for unlimited trips to the soft-serve machine. So yeah, I've been there, but I've never eaten a real meal in the joint.

Bank of America is also doing it's part to perpetuate the stupidity in their commercials. Every time they show somebody swiping their debit card, it's right-side up so that the logo shows. Seriously--that grates on me because whenever I go shopping, or get gas, or do any of the other things that I use a card for, I'm always stuck behind some old fart that can't seem to figure out how to swipe their damn card. I'm guessing they get that from watching the commercials during their Matlock reruns. Here's an idea--if you want the logo to show, put the magnetic strip on BOTTOM edge of the back of the card. Oh wait--the machines that produce them aren't set up that way??? Ok, then print the front of the card upside down! That would probably save me untold hours every year from standing in line.

Aside from these rants, there is some good news to report. I saw in the Wall Street Journal that Bud Light is ditching those god-awful 'Drinkability' commercials starting during the Super Bowl. They've bought five minutes worth of ad time, and I guess the new catch phrase is going to be 'Here we go!'. That's a step in the right direction, because the whole 'drinkability' theme went over with consumers about as well as the cast of Jersey Shore crashing a debutante ball in Georgia. (Although, the chick with the nail gun offering to fix her dude's zipper gave me a chuckle the first dozen times or so).

As far as other Super Bowl commercials go, I haven't heard of anything spectacular in the works. I'd like to see the E*Trade baby do another one, and I'm sure the folks at Pepsi will spend a small fortune reminding us that they have a first-rate advertising team for a second-rate product. And those of you local viewers who complain that we have so see that idiot 'Chop' from from Towbin Dodge on the tube constantly, just thank your lucky starts that we don't have to listen to Tom Shane (the rest of the country nods its head knowingly). Otherwise, I'm just glad that most of my TV-watching is done with the DVR, so I can skip the stupidity in the commercials altogether.


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