Can't Sleep--

...might as well do some writing.

Well, that brief post about classic rock I tossed up here a couple days ago had the intended results--a few snarky comments and a goofy email or two.

I guess some clarification is in order. First of all, one doesn't have to be a music critic to know what sucks. Nor does one have to carry Cameron Crowe's credentials to know a hit when they hear one. I doubt I have any official music critics in my audience, but I'm fairly certain that we can all agree that stuff like We Built This City by Starship is a crap on a stick as far as music is concerned.

The same goes for *good* music--there are some songs that are almost universal hits. Is it because the groups are so mega-talented that we can't help but love the product? Certainly true in the case of U2, Stevie Wonder, or Van Halen, for instance. Sometimes the biggest hits--the "good" music--is the simple stuff that just follows the rules--theory, chord structure, and tempo. As a has-been semi-musician, I was always amazed at the simplicity of stuff by Led Zeppelin, Kiss, and Guns N Roses. All three where huge supergroups and their music holds up to the test of time. But it was simple stuff--easy to learn and simple to play if you knew your scales. Of course, the technique of getting a certain sound out of your equipment is where the real art comes in, but the fact that someone as untalented as I could sit down and figure out how to play a killer tune like Rock-n-Roll by Led Zep after a few short minutes goes to show the genius of their music. Something so powerful out of such simple ingredients.

Three chords and the truth, brothers and sisters.

In order to be a "hit" a song has to appeal to the masses, and that's what simple songs do. Try listening to Answer the Phone by Sugar Ray, or hell, even Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash and try to keep from tapping your foot, bobbing your head, or dancing in your seat. It's almost impossible. Both are simple. They follow the rules. Notes happen when and where they're supposed to happen. There are no suprises. Hit songs.

The problem nowadays is that the masses are so dumbed-down that the crappiest drivel comprise what passes for hit music. There are no talented 'bands' out there tearing up the landscape and laying waste to the musical scene. There is no passion. Kids don't yearn for the next Kiss concert to come to town. Detroit Rock City would never happen in 2007. Instead of supergroups with stadium tours, we have American Idol and a bunch of oversampled crap called hip-hop. In 1979, eleven people were trampled to death trying to get into a general-admission Who concert in Cincinnati. Nowadays the only way to get killed in a music venue (aside from attending a Great White reunion show) is to 'disrespect' somebody at a hip-hop concert--then your ass will get capped.

Would Kelly Clarkson or Taylor Hicks cause a stampede? Only to the exits, I'm afraid...

I guess my point is that there is no more great rock being recorded. In my estimation, the Gin Blossoms and The Offspring were the last good bands. I keep waiting for the next one, but I keep getting disappointed. The Wallflowers, Franz Ferdinand, The Strokes--I had high hopes for all. What happened to them? The Killers? Can they keep it up and last more than a season or two? I hope so. But we'll see, and honestly, I'm not holding my breath.

Good, solid, play-by-the-rules rock and roll is a thing of the past. Everybody has to have a gimmick or a certain look to sell music today. Ted Nugent didn't have to look good to sell out arenas. Tom Petty certainly doesn't, either.

I'm just waiting for somebody with some talent and an appreciation for the audience to step up and make an appearance. Unfortunately, having spent much time in the world of musicians, it's not likely to happen. Musicians don't care about audiences beyond the point of the money they bring in. Musicians, for the most part, are the most selfish and nihilistic beings on earth. They all think they're undiscovered and unappreciated geniuses, and once a song takes off, they don't want to play the hits anymore. It's boring. Seriously... Go to a Counting Crows or a Cult concert and try to sing along with the songs that you know. It's impossible. The groups are so bored of playing the same stuff all the time that that they purposely change up their biggest hits--much to the frustration of the fans who shelled out $75 to hear their favorite group live, and yet come away feeling like they got robbed.

But it's a delicate balance--Boston is a fine group, but damn, how many times can you listen to More Than A Feeling before you want to beat shit out of a Red Sox fan? Of course I blame mainstream radio for that--Album Oriented Rock took a page from the Top 40 stations and just play the same shiat over and over again until it's no longer a song, it becomes a joke, a caricature of it's former self.

Hell, I can't listen to Stairway to Heaven anymore without thinking of that scene in the music store from Wayne's World. Stairway denied! And Freebird--my god--one of the greatest rock anthems ever, and now it's a running joke that whenever any house band takes a pause and asks for requests, some wag in the audience, usually me, yells FREEBIRD! and it always gets a laugh. Paradise By the Dashboard Light? It's been relegated to Karaoke status, only brought out when a duet is needed and Love Shack just won't do...

Maybe I painted with a broad brush when I said I never wanted to hear anything by Boston, Kansas, Heart, or McCartney ever again. They had their moments, I suppose, but I swear, Magic Man is enough to make a person wish to take a club and beat the ever-lovin' shit out of anyone named Wilson who happens to cross their path. It's that bad.

It makes me wonder, however... How could the Steve Miller Band, who turned out such great tunes like Big Old Jet Airliner and Keep A-Rockin' Me Baby have ever released something as craptacular as Abracadabra? Honestly--do you think he ever stares at the embers in his fireplace on a cold winter night and feels the least bit of shame and wishes he'd never written that? Or do you think he smiles to himself with a wry grin and says "Damn, I can't believe people bought that shit?"

Luckily technology has solved that problem. I don't buy that shit anymore.

Unless, of course, a good group finally comes along.

Mikey