Ode to the Wingman

You can be my wingman anytime...

Bullshit--you can by my wingman!

Speaking of which, does anyone remember the Coors Light commercial? I do, but since I've lived here in Vegas, I no longer have a wingman. All of my friends are chicks. Of course, now that I'm something less-than-single, it hasn't been an issue. But every guy needs a good wingman at some point.

For years, Eddie B filled the role admirably, and we had some great times back in the day--the stories could fill a book. But he's married now, and excused from active duty. Before that, I had Reverend Dave. He's been married twice now, but word around the campfire is that he's soon to be single again. It's probably a good thing that he's in Alabama, because if he were here with me in Vegas, we'd probably get into trouble and Sticky would be kicking my ass on a regular basis.

But I'm reminded of a story from about 15 years ago when we were both living in Phoenix and first started attending ASU. There was a smokin' hot girl named Michelle that sat next to me in one of my classes--long dark hair, blue eyes, great smile, and gorgeous long legs that she liked to show off (and she busted me looking at them on several occasions).

Back then I wasn't nearly as gregarious as I am now, and it took me a few weeks before I got the nerve up to start talking to her. But I finally did, and she was receptive and actually pretty nice. About that time, U2 was on their Zoo TV stadium tour, and announced a date at Sun Devil Stadium. So I bought a couple of tickets and asked her out.

She said yes!

When I picked her up that night at her dorm, she looked even better than she normally did. I'll never forget the mini-skirt, high heels, and the black stockings which were revealed to be thigh-highs as soon as she sat got in the car and crossed her legs. At that point I realized that she was probably about the hottest girl I'd ever gone out with.

I took her out to dinner before the concert, and during the conversation she told me that she had an I-dentical twin sister attending school up at BYU. Luckily she couldn't read my thoughts at the time, because they were fairly naughty.

We made our way to the show, found our seats, and early on I realized that--Bono and the guys aside--it was going to be a very good night. It really was a fantastic concert, and we both sang along with every song. It got even better when the show ended and instead of taking her back to her dorm, she said, Let's go back to your apartment...

Bow chicka Bow Bow!

I will spare the details of the rest of the evening, but I'll just say I got a better souvenir than just a concert shirt.

Unfortunately, things were a little awkward after that. We went out a couple more times, but just to lunch and such, and I missed my opportunity and she found herself a new boyfriend and we drifted apart. The semester ended and I didn't see or hear from her very often.

I still thought about her though, and was hoping for a repeat of the night of the concert. Then one day I ran into her on my way to class and she told me that she was single again and she had a part time job in the public-relations office there on campus and that I should stop by and see her sometime. Score!

A couple of weeks later, Reverend Dave and I were hosting a pizza and basketball party to watch the Suns/Sonics playoff series, and I was thinking of calling her up and inviting her.

The Good Reverend and I were out driving around doing our thing one afternoon, and happened to drive by her office. I told him to pull over because I saw her bike locked on the rack out front. We went inside and she was sitting at her desk goofing off and talking to the other girl she shared an office with.

No bosses were around, so we sat down and started chatting. After a few minutes of catching up, I asked her if she wanted to come over the next night and watch the game with all of us. She told me that she wanted to, but that her sister had just come back from Utah and they had planned on playing volleyball that night instead.

Reverend Dave gave me a look that said "Hell yeah--You better get the twins to come over!", so I started telling her that she could play volleyball anytime, the party was just one night, we haven't seen each other in months, it'll be fun, etc etc etc. Basically I was pulling out all the stops and doing my best salesmanship.

The other gal in the office, not nearly as hot as Michelle and annoyed by the fact that she wasn't getting any male attention, glared at us with a "something smells bad in here" look on her face, but wasn't saying anything.

Michelle was offering slight resistance--she was torn between wanting to come over and having to talk her sister into it, or sticking with their original plans. But I kept pressing.

She kept giving me the I-want-to-but-I-can't vibe, so I went for the deal-closer... Come on, you know you want to come over and see me again--It's been months and you know it'll be fun!

The other gal, who up to this point hadn't said a word, decided that now was the time to contribute to the conversation. So she opened her ugly yap and said Wow, you must be really desperate to keep asking over and over like that...

There was a split second of stunned silence in the room, and then Reverend Dave offered up the most memorable comeback I've ever heard:

He's not that desperate. He hasn't asked you yet!

Michelle and I both started laughing so hard that we almost had tears in our eyes, and the roadblocks magically lifted. Michelle said she'd be there, either with or without her sister, and Dave got a well-earned high-five, while the she-dog excused herself until we left the building.

Fast forward to the next night, when all my buddies were sitting around my living room watching the game and two smoking-hot twins showed up.

I was The Man. With a little help from the wingman, of course. It was a fun night, but unfortunately I never got to go out with Michelle again after that. I *did*, however, see her sister again, but that's a story for another time...

Mikey