Trying To Make the Dull Seem Interesting

Sorry for the dearth of updates, but there just hasn't been anything exciting happening in the life of Mikey all week long. But I'm going to do my best to act like a Mexican sportscaster doing a soccer game--the action may be boring as hell to watch, but you'd never know by hearing it.

First of all, this week was much slower for me than the past two (but I am not alone--all the cocktail waitresses were also complaining about how slow things were this past week, too), and I didn't work nor earn nearly as much as I would've liked. Oh well, I live in a feast or famine world, and I'm used to it. (And just as I'm writing this, the phone rang--tonight's graveyard dealer has called in sick, so I just picked up a shift!) Also, I've not done much socializing at all in quite a while, either. The two gals that I had been going out with several times a week this summer, well, that has pretty much run it's course, and I'm back to being an unaffiliated gentleman of leisure.

I've only played poker once in the past week, too, and it was nothing to speak of--I got stuck big time right out of the gate, and only a furious comeback let me walk away with just a $35 loss for the evening before the game broke. Since I'm trying to maintain a frugal lifestyle as of late (my addiction to Amazon notwithstanding), that was a rather disappointing showing.

Speaking of Amazon, I've got two orders in the hopper right now. The first one I've already mentioned--the next couple of O'Brian novels, plus a couple of guitar workbooks. The other one came about because of a couple of things--a conversation with Papa-san this week, and a random comment by Falcon Rob.

Rob commented about the Doyle Bramhall CD, Birds Nest on the Ground. I discovered it back in 1994 when I was working part-time at Bull Dike Lesbian Central Borders Books & Music in Phoenix. It was one of the sample CDs that they played overhead in the store, and let me tell you, it just kicked ass, musical and otherwise. It's great guitar-based blues, and Doyle actually spent many years as a part of Stevie Ray Vaughn's band, so he has the chops. There is a blues cover version of I Can See Clearly Now on the album that is just about the coolest cover tune I've ever heard, and a five-minute long instrumental dueling-guitars style riff called Take Your Time, Son that would also rock a million faces, if only he had the audience of Bon Jovi. He also goes old-skool with a cover of Elvis' Marie's The Name, of His Latest Flame, which, on the musical family tree, appears to be the grandfather of Jessie's Girl.

Basically, it's just a killer album that would appeal to anyone, blues fan or not, and I can't say enough good things about it. Anyhow, about 12 years ago, I lost it to the sticky-fingered lead singer of the band I was in at the time--our plan was to cover I Can See Clearly Now just like Doyle did, but you know, things have a way of not working out, and I never got the CD back once our version of Slash-and-Axl parted ways.

Back when Rob and I lived together in the Man Cave over on Green Valley parkway, one night I told him of the album's amazing ability to lift spirits, calm the raging sea, and bring about peace in our time, and he brought it up in the comments section the other day. It's been out of print forever, but occasionally available for resale on Amazon. After I got that reminder, I went back to look and see what the prices were like on any copies that might be floating around out there. Holy shiat, was I ever surprised to see that a re-seller had it available for only $3.50! So I swooped in with my handy-dandy MasterCard and snagged myself a copy. It's on the way as we speak, and very soon I shall be dancing around the apartment doing my Tom Cruise-in-Risky Business imitation, minus, of course, the tightie-whiteys. And a couch. And Rebecca De Mornay, come to think of it...

But that's just one of the treasures that's on its way to my lair. While I was talking to Papa-san this past week, we were discussing various books we've been reading (both of my parents read a lot, and as a kid, the house was always full of books). I told him of my latest affair with historical fiction, and he offered an enthusiastic recommendation of the Prelude to Glory series by Ron Carter. I told him that I'd look into it.

Well, everywhere I've looked, the series is highly recommended, and it's a seller's market. The prices seemed quite out of line with other historical fiction. But the lack of availability, the long list of positive reviews, and the high prices seem to indicate that people are buying what the author is selling. So again, I looked around, and due to the miracle of the internet, about five minutes into my search, I found the first two volumes at a used book dealer in Texas for the bargain price of about twelve bucks each. Sold!

I look forward to reading them, but it won't be for awhile yet--I'm going to finish all of Captain Aubrey's adventures first.

Besides that, my weekend has been kinda, well, dull and predictable. Although, I had the good fortune to stumble across a local San Diego channel the other day while giving the TV remote a workout that seems to be the local affiliate for the Padres. And the Cardinals are in town for a four-game set this weekend, so I've been able to watch my Redbirds stretch their lead in the central to eight games. And tonight my thumb was especially busy, with the Nascar race from Bristol on ESPN, plus the Chargers/Cardinals NFL game on, too. Just as my sports watching was winding down for the evening, I realized that I had a perfectly good TV sitting in the dining room not doing anything but taking up space and collecting dust. So tomorrow, I'll probably fish out some extra co-ax and a splitter, and hook up the second TV. I was going to do it anyways, before the start of football season, so I may as well get after it.

As far as other plans go, not much else is going on. I *may* be able to pick up the new furniture this week--at least I hope to, as long as I get in a couple more good nights at work and they haven't sold out at Costco before Wednesday. On Monday night, Linda Lou and are are planning on descending upon the Henderson Writers Group and letting them bask in our awesomeness. And I fully intend to hear an endless stream of compliments while dodging anything in the way of unnecessary constructive criticism. Or they all may stand speechless, what with being in the mere presence of two literary giants such as we.

Actually, it'll be my first visit, so I'm just gonna kind of be unobtrusive (not one of my greater talents, alas) and watch from the sidelines. I have no idea what goes on at these gatherings--they could sacrifice a goat while reading poetry in the nude and it wouldn't surprise me. Although it won't rival the excitement of The Girls Next Door partying in the VIP room, I'm sure it will be an interesting gathering, regardless. And I might learn something, too.

Oooh, and speaking of Linda Lou, she's on the market again, legs and all, so all you young dudes in the greater Henderson/southeast Vegas area better look out, it's cougar time! And believe me, there ain't nothin' sexier than an experienced woman cruising around in a classic Saturn with a dented roof, singing along to Neil Young, on cassette. Trust me, you are powerless to resist...

(Ass kicking coming my way in 3...2...1...)

With that, I am spent. I'm gonna call it a night--maybe grab a sammich and prepare myself for a night at the red-felt tables.

Peace out, y'all!

Mikey

What I'm Spending This Weeks Allowance On

A) Hookers and Blow

B) Porn

C) Cheetos and Weed

D) None of the Above

Of course the answer is D--Y'all know that the only money I spend anymore is on filling up my bookshelves with stuff from Amazon. No poker, no crazy biatches, and sadly no cool new restaurants in awhile, either. And any leftover big bills go in the couch fund coffee-can piggy bank. Oh yes, soon I shall be luxuriating my ample backside on some fine microfiber encased furnishings, while I do my damnedest to wear out the batteries on the remote control.

In the meantime, I do a bit of reading, as you may have noticed. No, I don't want a Kindle, either. I like the feel of a book in my hand, and I love to be surrounded by a collection of interesting books. I'll keep my music and photos digitized on a hand-held device, but I still prefer to read the old fashioned way (in the can, with my pants at my ankles!), and that's not gonna change.

So this time around, I got volumes 10 and 11 of the Aubrey/Maturin series on the way, The Far Side of the World, and The Reverse of the Medal (right now, I've just started reading book 7, The Surgeon's Mate), but that's not all. I still have that acoustic guitar sitting in the corner, and I'd rather it be used for something other than a dust magnet. So I ordered a couple of beginner-level instruction books--stuff with basic chords and scales and exercises. I'd really like to get back into it, without the expense of actual, you know, lessons.

I was sitting around picking at it the other day, and I was completely amazed that I pretty much lost all previous ability. I don't know how it happened, but I used to know dozens of songs, and right now, I can't play a damn thing. It's like whatever I've learned these past few years had to push that old useless knowledge out of my head in order to make room. Kinda like that time Homer Simpson took the winemaking course and then forgot how to drive.

So I'm looking forward to the next visit from the UPS man. My intention is to set aside a half-hour every day to practice and re-learn everything, and to bring back that muscle memory in my fingers. And next weeks allowance will probably spent on a new music stand. And a couple more Jack Aubrey books, of course...

Mikey

Some Times I Feel Like a (Hazel) Nut

It's been another busy day for me, although I got enough sleep and nobody woke me up by knocking on my front door or making my phone ring. The first order of business, once I got up, was to head on down to the bank and make another deposit. No problemo, but there was further evidence on display that I'm quite the misanthrope, especially when I first wake up.

In my job, I'm required to be nice and friendly to everyone I come in contact with, and although I don't have to initiate conversation when I'm dealing a poker game late at night, I can't be a stoic, either. My income is about 90% dependent on my personality, while job skill makes up the difference. But when I'm off taking care of personal business, I don't want to mess with people. Get in, get done, get out. It's not that I'm rude, I just don't want to talk to strangers in the bank, or in the grocery store, or at the gas station. Part of that comes with living in Vegas, where about 95% of the time when a stranger walks up to you and starts talking, they either want to 1) bum some money 2) sell or buy some drugs, or 3) offer up their body for rental purposes. So I've grown wary. Back down South, strangers say hello and offer up conversation all the time and it's perfectly normal--out here, it *is* different.

So today, I put on a Captain Morgan t-shirt before I left the house. And while I'm standing in line at the bank, I hear a voice behind me say I could sure use a drink, did you bring any with you? I'm used to hearing one-sided cellphone conversations all the time, so I thought nothing of it and just kept staring straight ahead. A few seconds pass, and then I felt a tug on my arm (Another no-no. Don't touch me, people!), and I turned to see a 70-year old lady asking me if I had any rum available.

It kind of caught me off-guard, because I didn't realize that I was in fact wearing a Captain Morgan t-shirt, so I thought it was a strange question to ask, aside from the fact that 1) I don't want to talk to strangers on my free time, especially when I'm holding a hand full of hundred-dollar bills, 2) I don't like people touching me.

It took me a second to 'get' what she was asking, but luckily the next teller became available and all I could manage was a mumbled No ma'am as I shuffled off. I don't know why, but that encounter kinda threw me off my game for the next couple of hours. It just struck me as odd. I guess the bottom line is that most people are more friendly and less cynical than I am, but working in a casino certainly has it's ill side-effects.

After the bank, it was off to the Wally World SuperCenter to get some grocery shopping done. Normally, I prefer to do my shopping in the middle of the night, when there is plenty of parking, very few other customers about, and the checkout area is blessedly free of morons who still don't know how to use an debit card. And even though I got out of work kind of early this morning, I was too lazy to do it then. Besides, I knew I'd be out and about anyways, having to go to the bank.

So I headed over to fight the masses. I ended up spending a small fortune, but I got a new clock for my dining room, a reading lamp for the living room, and a supply of more canned goods for when the zombie apocalypse happens. I also picked up some hazelnut creamer and a bottle of Frangelico, which for those of you who don't know, is hazelnut-flavored liqueur.

I love me some hazelnuts, which in my world is right up there with the cashew at the pinnacle of nutty goodness. But they don't make cashew-flavored coffee--yet--but when they do, I'll be the first in line to buy it (along with the bacon-flavored variety, too!). In the meantime, I'll do with the hazelnut.

While I was shopping a couple of weeks ago, I was talking to the checkout clerk and she told me that she loves to use that Don Francisco Hawaiian Hazelnut coffee to make iced coffee. I'd never thought of that before, but having tried the iced-coffee at Jack in the Box, Starbucks, and a few other places, I had decided that it wasn't for me. But her idea sounded like it was worth trying.

Since I make a full pot every time I'm in the mood for coffee, but seldom drink it all, the leftover usually goes down the drain the next morning. Not anymore. In fact, yesterday, I brewed a full pot, let it cool, and put it in a pitcher in the fridge.

When I got home from the store today, I put some cold coffee, ice, flavored creamer, and a splash of Frangelico in my cocktail shaker, gave it a little cha-cha-cha, and let me tell you, it was soooooo good. Nectar of the gods and all that... Very refreshing on a hot day like today.

Of course, since we've already established that my math skills suck, once I sat down to balance the days purchases in the checkbook, I realized that I'd overspent my allotment. So back down to the bank I went, making another deposit. That was quite irritating.

I was still wearing my Captain Morgan t-shirt, but I figured I was safe--there was no way that friendly old lady would be there again, and at the exact same time I was, so I felt no need to change clothes.

The second time around was ideal--got in, got done, got out--and nobody stopped to talk. I'm home for the duration, now, about to spend the balance of my afternoon reading how Captain Aubrey is going to escape being a prisoner in the War of 1812. Oh, and I may fix myself another glass of iced coffee while I'm at it.

Y'all be cool.

Mikey

I've Got Your Library, Right Here!

Yeah, yeah, yeah...

I see your lips moving, I hear some noises being made, but it's not registering...

See, I tried the library awhile back, and it just didn't work for me. First of all, the books that I've been buying from Amazon recently, well, it's a set of books that I want to keep and re-read over the years. Those Patrick O'Brian novels are a wonderful thing to add to any collection , so I don't mind spending the cash for them at all. It's money well spent.

Secondly, yesterday, it was like Christmas in August--I got three different shipments delivered throughout the course of the day--a shiatload of books, plus my new guitar stand and tuner. So I've got plenty to keep me busy for the next several days.

But getting back to the library--I utilized it a few times, but overall, the experience was less than satisfying. First of all, I wandered around for over an hour the last time I was there and couldn't find anything that interested me, much less the three books on my 'shopping' list. Second of all, the library is a lot like the DMV, except with shorter lines and a whole helluva lot more kids. Not my chosen hangout. And everyone that works there reminds me of a bunch of liberal-arts majors that washed out of the restaurant business, and they all seem to have the personality of the Barefoot Contessa. Not my scene. As far as I'm concerned, the Library is either a gentleman's club out on Boulder Highway, or the smallest room in my house--the one with no carpet or windows.

On the other hand, the local Henderson library has a pretty good collection of classical music available to loan, so if I ever find myself down there again, at least I can rip some Classical Thunder to my iPod.

Moving on...

I've been looking for another good options trade to make, but man, I've been out of the game so long, it seems like there is just not much volatility anymore. Back in the go-go days of ten years ago, there were such juicy premiums in all of the tech stocks, but not anymore. I can't find ten good stocks over a hundred bucks right now, and I don't want to stake my fortune on Priceline and Google. It seems as if the juice has been completely weezed.

I did, however, find a decent spread yesterday that I could do with Google options, but as risky as it is, it only yields about 10%, and I find myself thinking Do I really want to risk $2700 to make $280? It gives me pause, and I think I'm gonna just keep on looking.

I can't think of anything else of note going on in the world of Mikey, so I'll wrap it up for now.

Mikey

PS. How 'bout them Redbirds, eh? 8-2 in their last ten, up six games in the Central! Woot!

Hey Everybody It's Music Time!

The sad truth: I'm out of books.

I have nothing left to read. I've plowed through everything on my bookshelf and every poker magazine I can get my hands on. Sitting on the can is now a quick in-and-out affair. I'm quite bummed by this development--usually I have my timing down better and just about the time I finish off my current book, the fine folks at Amazon and UPS conspire to deliver my next volume.

I guess I didn't account for how much free time I'd have this past weekend, and well, here we are, browsing around on Amazon like a hyperactive kid loose in a candy store, pointing and saying I want that! I want that! Oh, I've got stuff on the way, but it won't be here until Wednesday at the earliest, more likely Thursday.

So instead of reading today, I watched a little bit of TV, of course, but then I dragged a huge Rubbermaid storage tote out of the closet and started going through my CDs. Y'all know about my recently-gained affinity for old 60's lounge music, so I dug up all that I had on hand. And then I spent most of my afternoon ripping them to my computer and organizing them. Once that was all done, I compiled it all into one huge playlist called 'Martini Time' and copied it onto my iPod.

I wanted to do the same thing with all of my Eighties music, but that's gonna have to wait until tomorrow--I've been sitting in one place for so long that my ass is asleep. But now I am up to my ears into skinny-tie and indoor-smoking music. Ooh, and the new season of Mad Men starts tonight, too... I may have to pour myself a Manhattan and bust open a pack of Lucky's.

Mikey

Sleeping In On A Monday

Oh yeah--is there nothing better than snoozing till around 10 am on a Monday morning? Don't you all wish you could? Heh. And then, making the day even less Monday-like, I've been lingering over a pot of coffee and enjoying the fact that I have absolutely no commitments lurking about to derail my good mood.

I know I'm being lazy today--I should've had a new post up early this morning for all you office drones--it's against my code to wait this long (actually it's more like a guideline...). But sometimes, it's tough to escape the grip of the pillow.

I had a wonderful weekend--it was sunny, but not too hot outside, and since I'd worked so much last week (even to the point of tasting a little of the forbidden fruit of overtime), I was in no danger of having to answer the phone and hustle down to the casino in the middle of the night. Finally, I was able to relax and enjoy my free time. Unless you've been on-call 24/7 for the past year straight, you have no idea of the sense of freedom that I've felt.

Aside from getting some much-needed sun and pool-time this weekend, I've also managed to erase all evidence of the overwhelming stupidity I encountered last week--my bank account is secure and I have my new debit card. My E*Trade account is all up to speed and I was able to transfer money into it this morning. And presently the materials are being gathered to finally fix my kitchen cabinets.

In between all of my housekeeping chores, I also managed to get an awful lot of reading done, too. I finished off Book 5 in the Aubrey/Maturin series last night, Desolation Island, and I am patiently waiting for the next four volumes to arrive. According to the good folks at Amazon, they should be here by Thursday at the latest. I'm also waiting on a guitar stand, an electronic tuner, and some back-to-the-beginning music books. I have seriously forgotten every one of my practice scales and most of the chords.

Last night, I was sitting outside of Lucille's BBQ at The District with Linda Lou, and Gary Moore's Still Got the Blues came on over the outdoor music system. It's a great tune, and while we were sitting there enjoying the music, I was telling Linda that back in the day I used to be able to play it pretty well, but right now, if you put a guitar in my hands, I'd be totally lost have no idea how to play it at all. Believe me, it's not like riding a bicycle.

But lost musical ability aside, I still had some fun last night. Linda Lou's sister, Lori Biker, was in town along with her husband, and the four of us got together for a little tourist-style buffoonery. I met them over at the 'M' Resort early in the evening, and we sat in the center lounge for about an hour having drinks and telling stories. I downed about three Sin City Cocktails, which is basically a chocolate martini, while everyone else had beer. The great thing about the lounge there at the M is that it's got all the ambiance and just-as-hot cocktail waitresses as does the Parasol Up lounge at The Wynn, but instead of $14 martinis, the ones at The M are only $8.50. Sweet.

After a few rounds of eye-candy and drinks (even Lori was amazed at the hotness of the waitresses there. I think her quote of the night was Damn, our waitress is so hot that I'm starting to get interested!), we paid our tab and headed over to The District at Green Valley Ranch for dinner.

There was talk of going to the Elephant Bar, but we decided on Lucille's instead. I like the Elephant Bar, but every time I go there, I feel a little bit ripped off--it's like their prices are too clever by half. But Lucille's, it's damn good, and I was in the mood for BBQ anyways.

We only had to wait about 20 minutes for a table, and it was a nice night out, so waiting outside, people watching, wasn't a bad way to kill time.

Dinner, of course, was excellent--I had some baby back ribs and BBQ tri-tip that was oh-my-god good, along with cheese grits and BBQ beans. All were excellent, but the grits and the tri-tip really stood out. Linda and Lori both had the Meg-Ryan-in-Harry-Met-Sally style cajun pasta, and Russ (Lori's hub) had a brisket sandy. Everyone loved the food, but Russ said that the mac-and-cheese he had on the side was kinda lame and tasteless. And while it sounded like a good idea when we first sat down, dessert was out of the question--we were all pretty stuffed by the end of the meal. And it was fairly reasonable too, as four entrees, two beers, and one Coke came to about $86 before the tip. I recall having lunch there some time back that ran me upwards of forty bucks, so this check was a pleasant surprise.

We had a great visit, and it seems to me that Linda has got some righteous rants in the hopper, and her blog will be most interesting in the coming weeks. Also, it doesn't look like her book is gonna be completely ready for distribution by Labor Day, so I'm gonna force her to make good on her ultimatum and to face her irrational fear of birds. Sometime next month, we're gonna go down to the pet store and she's going to actually have to touch a bird. Touch, hell, I'm gonna make her stand there with a parrot on her shoulder, pirate-style. The whole experience should make for a great You-Tube video at the very least.

Anyhow, after dinner, we said our goodbyes and I came back to the castle to watch some SportsCenter and do a little reading. I didn't finish my book until around 2 am, but after that, sleep came easy. There's not much going on today, but I don't want to get too worked up anyways--my work week starts up again late tonight, and if it's anything like last week, I'll need my rest.

Mikey

Beautiful Saturday

Man, what a gorgeous day it is out here in America's Playground! It's sunny, clear, not too hot, and just a whisper of a breeze to keep things comfy. Absolutely wonderful.

My Friday night was rather nondescript. I started out with the best intentions of just staying home and doing nothing--the DVR is full and I have a couple of books that I'm still reading. But around 10pm, I was bored.

So I headed down to a nearby casino and bought into a 4-8 game. It started off ok, and I was up about $60 within the first half-hour or so, but then the game started to get thin, and the short stacks started calling down with anything, feeling like they had nothing to lose. I took a couple of ridiculous bad beats, and found myself stuck almost a hundred bucks instead of being up sixty. Ugh.

But I fought my way back, and luckily I was in a game that had three reliable 'calling station' players who would stay in with any pair or any draw, no matter how dead they were drawing, and I managed to climb out of my hole. I was back to being up $10 in the black when the table went shorthanded and the game broke up, which was a helluva comeback.

The table I moved to after that was kind of interesting, in a detached way, because it was what some folks call 'jackass poker'. Lots of raising and capped bets, and then when the showdown finally came, junk hands seemed to win. Certainly a great game to be in, but I just wasn't in the mood--there was a lot of sniping and arguing going on, and I didn't want any part of it. I think I sat there for about twenty minutes, never playing a hand, before I called it a night.

I played maybe two hours or so, and walked with a ten-dollar profit. Yay Friday night.

I came home and read for a bit, but my eyes were heavy and I went to bed around two in the morning. I got a wonderful eight hours of sleep, though.

When I got up, I realized I had a Saturday all to myself--no chance of getting called into work. So I got dressed and headed out before it got too hot out. I drove over to the Post-Net store in my old neighborhood and faxed in my paperwork to E*Trade, then stopped at the bank to deposit another five Benjis. I'm still on my 'save every dollar' kick, and having an extra $500 in my wallet with nothing to do all weekend in this town is kind of a recipe for irresponsible behavior... Basically, I was removing the temptation. Oh yeah, I can always hit the ATM if I get the urge to go out, but that's just adding an obstacle, and my inherent laziness will keep me from doing that. So no more poker for me for a few days, and certainly no going to the bar or whatever other trouble I could scare up, either.

When I got home, I noticed that they'd refilled the pool and that it was crystal clear--and there were no kids afoot. So the first thing I did was put on some trunks, mixed up some coconut rum and DCwL in a sports bottle, grab a book and a towel, and head out to the pool.

The water was a little brisk, freshly refilled and not having time to sit and bake in the sun for a few days, but I got used to it after just a few minutes. I lounged around for about 45 minutes, soaking up the sun, before I decided to get out and make use of the chaise lounge. I set up in the shade of a palm tree, intending to read my book, but the sunglasses I had with me were my prescription set. They're made for long distance use, and damn near impossible to read with. And taking them off wasn't an option, either. Even though I was in the shade, it was still plenty damn bright outside.

So I just sipped on my drink and kinda dozed for a bit, dreaming I was on a beach in the Caribbean instead of in an apartment complex in Henderson. I stayed there until some more people showed up and started making noise, and then I came back in the house. My plan for the rest of the day? Not a damn thing. And I'm hoping tomorrow is exactly the same.

Mikey

Math Suks

His name is Rusty and he's a 'C' student!

Doh!

An astute reader, who wasn't kind enough to leave his name, pointed out a glaring error in my options exercise that I wrote about yesterday. Holy hell, I made an error by a factor of ten, so just ignore all that nonsense and I'll find another, simpler trade to use as an example this weekend. See what happens when you take all that time off? Your brain turns to mush.

But my brain was turning to mush already this week--I've ground out more hours in the poker room this past week than I have in a very long time, so I'm gonna use that as an excuse. Well, that, and the phone rang about six times while I was making that post, so my concentration was interrupted. But as soon as I went back and looked at it, I was like Holy shiat--that can't be right!!!

Anyhow, it's good to be home. I had another good night, and unless it gets crazy-busy this weekend, I should have the next couple of days off. (Of course, if that phone rings, I'll jump on an extra shift, that's for sure). I have no plans except for maybe drinking with Linda Lou and Lori Biker, otherwise I may go play in a cheapie tourney over at Joker's Wild.

Mikey

Starting To Get That Itch Again... [UPDATED]

Warning: This may be a tough one to get through...


No, not that itch, you dirty-minded gutter snipes. I'm starting to feel like I need to spend my days doing something productive, instead of sleeping, reading, and doing housework all the time. Lately I find myself skipping ESPN and the Military Channel when I watch TV, and instead flipping back and forth between CNBC and Bloomberg.

I want to get to the point where my money is working harder than I do (which wouldn't be too tough, some would say...), or at least where I'm pulling down enough money from the market each month to cover expenses. That's not gonna happen overnight, but at least now I can see a way to do it.

Back in the day, my approach to the market was little different than the way a slightly drunken tourist approaches a dice table--throw some money down, follow a hunch or two, roll the dice, and hope for a big payoff. Sometimes it worked, sometimes, not so much. But even so, by Friday there was always more money to put into play.

It wasn't all a crapshoot--I managed to do pretty well for myself in the go-go years of 1998-2000, but when the bubble burst in 2001, I not only lost my job and my truck, but the entire $80,000 I had in my meager portfolio, and damn near my house, too. (If I recall correctly, I think I sold my condo for a tidy $1000 profit about three weeks before it got foreclosed on. I took that money to Vegas with Eddie B, and after an epic bender of a weekend, I more than tripled it). And eleven months of unemployment put me about as close to bankruptcy as you can get without actually calling one of those lawyers you see on the late-night tv commercials.

Anyhow, that journey has been well documented in these pages, but in the end, it contributed to bringing me out here to Vegas, doing what I do now. It took over seven years, but the burden of that debt is now a distant memory, and I'm back to square one--almost where I was back in 1997. Ok, maybe I'm actually at square two or three--since I have a growing nest egg that I refuse to touch until I'm either old and retired or on the verge of living under a bridge, collecting cans and donating plasma to make ends meet. And the experience has bought me a little wisdom, too, something I didn't have twelve years ago. So 'square one' may be oversimplifying it a tad...

Just this morning, I was on the phone with the folks at E*Trade, getting my account squared away--well, actually, finding out how to get my account squared away, and I found myself chomping at the bit, ready to dive back in headfirst.

One of the small obstacles in my way, is the fact that I need to fax in a copy of a current utility bill, so that they can verify my home address. I asked them if I could just scan a copy and email it, but they said they're not equipped to accept forms submitted in that medium. Fair enough, but now that I'm no longer a prairie dog in a cube farm, I don't have access to a fax machine. All those years working in offices, I took for granted that I could just step ten feet away from my desk and send a fax--sometimes for business needs, but more often for personal use. And I don't even have a land-line telephone anymore, so even if my printer/scanner/copier thingy could be used as a fax machine, I'd have no way to send one.

So the first step in this journey of a thousand miles is to hike my ass down to Kinko's and send my documentation in. No problemo--and for my situation, it's like crossing the Rubicon--I'll be on my way, and no excuses will do.

Back when I first moved to Vegas and didn't know a damn thing about how this town worked, I told everyone who would listen that my plan was to work at night full time, and then spend my days at the computer, trading, following the market, looking for trends, blah blah blah... Didn't turn out quite the way I planned. Full time? Please...

Anyhow, if these first furtive steps in the economic recovery keep up, and I somehow manage to keep getting scheduled four days a week, income certainly won't be a problem (at least the feast-or-famine cycle will level out a bit). And my schedule is just about perfect the way it is now, so spending my days at the computer doing a few trades here and there after I come home from work won't be a problem, either. Hell, I'm even going to bring back the old TV before football season starts--the idea was to be able to watch two games at once, but now, during the week, I can watch both CNBC and Bloomberg at the same time, while I sit on my soon-to-be-purchased couch with my laptop, trying to stay one step ahead of the pack.

That's the plan, at least...

Some of you folks have expressed interest in my views of the financial world, especially when it comes to picking stocks. I'm sorry to say, however, that if you're looking to me for stock picks, you're probably better off buying a lottery ticket. I have a few favorites, but I don't have the acumen y'all give me credit for. Seriously, if I were a genius stock-picker, I'd be updating this blog from beach bar in the Caribbean, with sand between my toes and an umbrella drink sitting next to my mouse.

But there are other ways to make money in the market, besides just buying stocks. Me, I prefer options, but that's just because it's my background, and I do have a bit of a gambling streak in me. As far as I'm concerned, one of the best ways to make money (and remember, I'm an optimist, a Bull by nature--hell, I'm a Taurus fer cryin' out loud), is to sell naked Put options. But that requires a whole lot of equity and a strong constitution, and it's not for the risk-adverse. Dialing it down a bit, the next best thing in my book is credit spreads...

I've talked about 'em before, and fundamentals, sentiment, and technical indicators aside, one of my favorite stocks to use in this endeavor is Google (symbol GOOG). It's volatile and expensive, and that means good premiums on the option contracts.

I'll do a whole Options 101 post over the weekend so that I'm not speaking an entirely foreign language, but let me toss out the trade I might be doing if my account was up, running, and funded... (actually, I'd wait to make this trade on a day when the price of the stock was down, but for sake of having an example, here we are).

This here is what we call a 'Credit Spread':

SPO 10 GOPUB @ $1.45
BPO 10 GGDUN @ $ .45

In semi-plain English, what I'm doing is selling ten contracts of the Google September $410 puts, and at the same time buying ten contracts of the September $370's. (SPO is 'selling puts to open' and BPO is 'buying puts to open')

Google closed today at $462.28, up almost four bucks. Being an optimist, I believe that the price of Google will continue to rise, or at least, not fall below $410 between now and the third Friday in September (that's when the contracts expire). If that happens, then we make money.

How do we do that?

Well, if we're selling a contract @ $1.45, that means that we bring in $145 for each one (each contract represents a 'round lot' of 100 shares, so you multiply the premium by a hundred). If, as in the example, we sell ten contracts, then you collect premiums of $1450. With me so far? If not, re-read this paragraph.

Ok.

But, we can't just sell these contracts 'naked'--if you did, then you're obligated to buy a thousand shares of Google at $410 per share if the market tanks and the share price drops off the table. Do you have $410,000 lying around? Me neither. So you have to hedge, and buy some lower-priced contracts.

So we buy the September $370 contracts, which gives us the right to turn around and 'put' those shares to some other unfortunate mope for $370 each. So if the world turns to complete shiat and you wake up one morning and Google is trading at two hundred bucks, you're on the hook for $410,000, but then again, you can force somebody else to take 'em off your hands and recoup $370,000. But that's just theoretical. It doesn't usually happen that way... (Stocks rarely drop from $400+ down to zero--unless your name is Enron--and even then, it doesn't happen overnight, so you have to be a real moron to lose forty-odd stacks of High Society that way).

Anyhow...

So you sold those contracts and collected $1450, but to hedge, you have to buy the other side, and those contracts cost forty-five cents, which is actually (times a hundred) $45, and since you're buying ten of them, that's $450.

You collected $1450, you spent $450, and now there's a thousand bucks in your account. (Minus, of course, a reasonable and customary brokerage commission). You don't get that money right away--it's not free and clear until you close the contracts or they expire. But if Google stays above that magical $410 mark for the next five weeks or so, then you keep the cash.

However... there is a downside. When you do these credit spreads, your maximum gain is the premium received, in this case, a thousand bucks. Your maximum possible loss is the difference between the strike prices-- $410 minus $370 ($40, which in our case extrapolates out to $4000) minus the premium received. So if Google tanks you could lose three grand.

The bottom line:

Max possible gain -- $1000
Max possible loss -- $3000 <--- [updated] WRONG! It's $39,000, so it makes the whole exercise moot. Off by a factor of 10, so ignore all of this... we'll do a different one later. (Told ya I was rusty--I'm used to doing this with lower priced underlying stocks, back when the market was more volatile. My bad!) If it starts to move against you, you could still get out and close those contracts at a loss--you don't have to take the maximum loss by waiting.

At most brokerages, in order to do a credit spreads, you'll need to have the maximum loss amount available, so while those contracts are active, you've basically got three grand on the table.

If everything works out and the price stays above $410 upon expiration of the contracts, then you keep the cash and get to do it all over again. You can easily do this kind trade six times a year, or if you're savvy and don't take unnecessary risks, you use those premiums you pocketed to allow you to do the same type of trade with more contracts each time--all with just three grand at risk. (The problem I ran into over and over again with clients is greed--folks always seem to kill the geese that's laying the golden eggs, and I'll explain more about that in another post).

Anyhow, that's the kind of stuff I'm looking at doing, and granted, you don't need to watch the market obsessively, but there is some babysitting involved--anytime I've got at least $500 out there on something that could expire worthless, I'm never far from a computer.

Once I get some real money in the account, I'll start doing index credit spreads--but that's a whole new can of worms and not for the faint of heart. And we're a long way from there. But that's my road map.

Of course, just like my poker stories, once I start making some real trades, I'll post 'em here so that y'all can follow along and celebrate my successes and poke fun any time I crash and burn.

Mikey

A Little Zip

Woohoo! I'm home early this morning, the side effect of having the same people win all the pots in the poker game over and over again. I don't mind--I'm in the middle of a long week, so a short shift is ok this time.

After I pulled the ripcord at the casino, I finally hit the grocery store, something I've been putting off for far too long. Of course I stocked up on the essentials--coffee, bread, OJ, canned goods for when the inevitable lean weeks return, etc. But when I went to get a jar of salsa, I saw a new must-have item--Hint of Jalapeno Tostitos. I've been munchin' on the Hint of Lime version almost exclusively for some time, but when I saw this, I had to give it a try. I'm sampling the goods as I type this, and I give 'em two thumbs up. Very tasty.

The great thing about them is they have some zip, so they'd go great with like bean dip or even plain old salsa like I'm doing right now. Like I said--very tasty--we may have a new favorite on our hands.

While I was shopping, I also picked up some chicken thighs (better flavor than the boneless-skinless breasts), and I think I'm gonna make some pasta alfredo with grilled chicken, mushrooms, and black olives. That should be pretty good. I figure if I just marinate them in some olive oil and Italian seasonings, it should turn out pretty well. But that'll probably be tomorrow night or maybe this weekend. I also got my hands on some fresh ears of corn and a couple of packages of frozen shrimp, so I'm looking forward to some quality time in the kitchen.

Speaking of this weekend, word around the campfire is that there will be some buffoonery on tap with my main cougar, Linda Lou. I'm not sure exactly what we're gonna be doing, but I'm guessing that dark beer and live music will be involved.

Mikey

Hump Day For Everyone!

I just realized that not only is it Hump Day for the rest of the world, but it's Hump Day for me, too! That hasn't happened in almost five years. Yep, I'm actually working five days this week (plus I'm also On Call this weekend), and I realized that I'm halfway through. Woot!

It's been a very busy, and lucrative, week for me, and I'm knockin' on wood that it keeps up. The economy must be turning around--at least as far as I can tell, because the last two nights in a row there's been a waiting list for a seat at my poker game at 3:00 in the morning. That hasn't happened in I don't know how long. I'm happy about it, but man, when I finally get home in the morning, it's Go Directly To Bed, Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200.

I couldn't sleep all day, as per my original plan, however. I had errands to run. First of all, I had to trek over to the far side of the apartment complex to get my mail, and when I did so, I found that I finally got my new debit card. No more Washington Mutual--woohoo!--it's now Chase.

So then I headed down to the local branch to deposit a few hundies for the truck payment, and I changed my pin and activated the card and did all that housekeeping stuff. The teller told me that the branch isn't gonna change over to Chase and get the remodel done until October, but whatever... I knew waaaay back in 2001 that Washington Mutual was a shiatbag company, but I never had a problem with my accounts until just these past few weeks. I'm just glad that I never owned any of their stock. The one change I've already noticed, however, is that they're always trying to sell me something or upgrade me every time I go in there. Not gonna happen. Eventually, I'm probably just going to use the account as a conduit to fund my stash over at E*Trade, and use their free checking instead.

After the bank, I headed over to Target to do some shopping and I was less than satisfied. I don't know what happened to the place in the past couple of months, but damn, it's like they tripled their prices on everything. I used to prefer to go there over WalMart, if only for the fact that the checkout lines weren't such a clusterf*ck, but their prices were just way out of line.

Seriously, you expect me to pay $13.58 for five razor blades? Three bucks for a can of shaving cream? $4.84 for a bottle of body wash? Shiat, I may as well shop at the 7-11 on the corner if I'm gonna be paying those prices. Fark that. I eventually found a few things on sale that I needed--carpet freshener, DCwL, Bounce dryer sheets, and I picked up a few other household items like garbage bags and a hanging sponge holder for my kitchen, but damn, it was a head-scratcher wandering around in there--usually they could easily compete with Wallyworld, but not now. Luckily I remembered that I had a $15 Target gift card in my wallet that I've been carrying around since last Christmas, so it took a little of the sting away once I got to the checkout line.

When I got back home, I stopped at the rental office to pick up my latest package of goodies from Amazon. Yep, I got books 3, 4, and 5 in the Aubrey/Maturin series, so that's pretty much what I'm gonna do with the rest of the afternoon--get started on reading the next installment. And since I'm not spending money on anything but groceries, gas, and bills this summer, I logged back onto my Amazon account and treated myself by ordering the next four O'Brian books, plus a new guitar stand and pocket tuner. I've been practicing, but I can't find my old lesson books anywhere. So next week, I'll probably order a new guitar book so I can practice basic scales and chords--I need to retrain the muscle memory in my fingers, as I've completely lost it over the past seven or eight years.

That's all for now...

Mikey

PS... Tip of the day--Never do a Google Image Search for 'Hump Day' with SafeSearch turned off. I'm just sayin'...

Quote Of The Day

Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.

--Ben Franklin


I came across it yesterday and forwarded it to Linda Lou--I thought it was quite appropriate and was surprised that I'd never seen it before. It obviously struck a chord with me, but unfortunately, I'm afraid I'm lettin' ol' Ben down this week.

Mikey

The Devil Has Come to Tsavo Henderson!

The Dirt Devil, that is...

Finally, after almost a full week of waiting, my new vacuum cleaner has arrived. Just as I was logging onto my account on Amazon to check the tracking status a few minutes ago, there was a knock on my front door--it was the UPS man.

Of course, as much as I'd love to cut the box open and get to cleaning the floors here at the apartment, I can't do it just yet. I forgot to go to the store this morning after work and get some carpet freshener. But I will tomorrow morning. Besides, I was just exhausted, and wanted to just come straight home--the last two nights in the poker room have kicked my ass, and I've got three more to go. (But that's a good thing!) Hell, I'll even have some--gasp!--overtime on my next check...

I was talking to Mamasan this morning, and told her that if this keeps up, I may be able to go buy that new thousand-dollar sectional next week, and relegate the camp chair permanently out the the patio where it belongs. Boy, that sure would be nice--all I would need then to complete my living room ensemble is some sort of coffee table and a new picture or two on the wall. Once that's done, the next item is a new bookcase headboard for my bed, and then a better looking dining room table. After that, I'm completely furnished except for odds and ends (oh yeah, I want a new set of nightstands, and maybe a side-table for the dining area, but neither are that big of a deal).

Hopefully business will continue to pick up and the recession will soon become a distant memory. If that's the case I'll start doing some option trading again (or at least share a few ideas here), and building up the nest egg again. I've got the retirement funds chugging along nicely, but I don't do anything with them except buy and hold mutual funds--it'll be nice to 'get back in the game', as it were.

As glad as I am to be back at the keyboard again, my life is kind of boring right now. I'm working more than twice as much as I used to, and I'm on a money-saving frugality kick right now, so my recreational options are somewhat limited. I've scaled way back on the poker playing (I mean, who wants to work all week in a poker room, and then spend their free time hanging around in the same place? Not me...), and I haven't had any new dining adventures around town in quite some time. In fact, the only eating out I've done in a month was having dinner at Cheesecake Factory with Linda Lou, and when Angy was in town, we went out to PF Chang's one night. On the other hand, I found out that Pie Town Pizza on Green Valley and Sunset will deliver to my apartment, and I've taken advantage of that knowledge twice now.

There's also a gal I've been kinda-sorta seeing on and off for a couple of months, but that ain't goin' anywhere. All it does is cost me money and she's chock-full of bat-shiat crazy, too, so I've been dodging her calls for the last week or so. I'm not quite a hermit in a cabin working on a political manifesto, but right now, all I do is work, read, and sleep. Hell, I haven't even done any fun cooking in awhile, either (although today I boiled some sliced onions in four bottles of Amber Bock, then added a few Johnsonville Beer Brats, imparting a nice aroma to the house. Once they were cooked through, I tossed a couple on the grill and had a great lunch).

I guess I'm just waiting for something interesting to happen, and when it does, y'all will be the first to hear about it...

Mikey

PS. Okay, so I've been back for about a week, and I just noticed that I've used two pictures of Michael Douglas holding a gun... Coincidence?

Two New Favorites

*Sigh*

I think I have two new favorite words to add to my daily lexicon. Of course, you all know that my all-time favorite word is Buffoonery, with Asshat running a close second, but now I'm also going to elevate the words 'Jackassery' and 'Moronitude' to most-favored-nation status.

Seriously, I've experienced so much of both in the past week, that it truly boggles the mind. And the past 24 hours have just been chock-full of both. I *could* go on another self-righteous rant, but I shall refrain. I don't want people to think that I'm an angry person by nature, it's just that I have a low tolerance for stupidity, and I've seen more than my fair share lately.

On the other hand, the gal in the rental office must have lit a fire under somebody's ass, because I've had two more people come out and measure my cabinets in the past two days, and the guy that was here this morning was most apologetic and accommodating, asking me if it was all right if the cabinets aren't done until the end of the week.

End of this week? Hell yeah!

I thought about tossing out a funny-yet-inappropriate Jules Winfield quote right about then and go with 'Shiat, Negro, that's all you had to say!', but luckily my brain engaged before my mouth did. Besides, we're both white as Wonder Bread, so it probably wouldn't have made much sense to the maintenance guy, unless he'd seen Pulp Fiction a few dozen times. And of course the whole experience would've been reported on *his* blog about all the weirdos and freaks he runs into on a daily basis at the apartment complex. Heh.

Yeah, had to go over and measure cabinets again for the fat guy with no furniture. Dude only speaks in movie lines and song lyrics. I swear, I should've stayed in college...

Anyhow, the downside of having my new cabinet facings done, is that I now realize that my kitchen cabinets are actually two different colors. Yep, now that it was pointed out to me, it really bothers me. Kinda like realizing halfway through the workday that you have on one black sock and one blue one... The cabinets at one end of the kitchen are the 'old' finish, and the cabinets on the other end are new. And it's plain as day, but somehow I never noticed until somebody said something about it yesterday. Seriously--I just never saw it.

Anyhow, I guess I'll just put up with it, but it's the kind of thing a gal would just freak out about. At least the gals I hang out with...

How can you possibly live in a place where the kitchen cabinets are mismatched?!?!?!

--I dunno, I never noticed it before.

Somehow, I doubt that answer would ever fly...

Anyhow, that's the news from this end of the world. On an interesting note, I called the finance company today to get the payoff amount on my truck, and found out that 1) the gal that answered my call, I shit you not, was named 'Levitra', and 2), I'm more than 3/5ths of the way to owning that sucker outright.

That put a spring in my step...

Mikey

Don't Bother Me

I'm watching football!!!! Woohoo!

Scrub-A-Dub-Dub

Damn, I wish my vacuum cleaner were here. I ordered it early last week, but since I'm too cheap stubborn to pop for Amazon Prime membership (and with it the free two-day shipping), I have to be patient and have my stuff delivered at their leisure. The free Super Saver shipping is cool and all, but I'm the world's least patient person.

So instead of vacuuming the carpets here at Casa de Mikey today, I've done just about everything else I can think of. I scrubbed and bleached the entire bathroom, swept and mopped all the tile, swept the patio, scrubbed the kitchen from top to bottom (even cleaning the crumbs out of the bottom of the toaster oven), ran the dishwasher, and I'm currently working on the fifth load of laundry for the day. Next on the list is hitting the paper shredder and getting rid of some of the clutter from my desk.

Right now, I'm waiting for the maintenance guy to show up and re-measure my cabinets. I finally got an audience with the Holy Father general manager here at the apartment complex yesterday, and she promised me that somebody would come by today and get the ball rolling. If it were up to me, I'd have them just scavenge what they need from one of the vacant apartments here in the complex, but of course, that would make too much sense.

Otherwise, that's all I've got going on. I'm pretty sure that I won't have to work tonight, so I can relax. And although I'm hungry, the kitchen is so sparkly clean that I don't want to mess it up for another day or so. Dinner might be fish tacos at Rubio's.

Mikey

What I *Really* Did With My Summer Vacation

Yep, that's the top row of my tall 'espresso' bookshelf, and starting on July 1st when I began my blog-cation, this is what I've done with myself--I've read every one of those books. With so much time away from the computer, and no money to spend (July was a very lean month), I didn't have much else to do but read or do the occasional household project. And since you're all familiar with my propensity for laziness, well, you know I certainly did my fair share of reading.

You can click on the picture to get the full-sized effect and read all of the titles, but I'll offer up some thoughts on each one.

Starting on the far left, is Bill Simmons' Now I Can Die In Peace, written after the Red Sox won the 2004 World Series. The edition I have, however, is the 2008 update with thoughts on the 2007 championship team, along with hundreds of interesting footnotes scattered from beginning to end. The footnotes alone are worth the price of the book--most of them are extremely funny. Simmons would probably be my favorite writer of all time, except for his unnatural affection for the NBA, a subject which bores me to no end. Fully half of his columns get ignored because of that. If he were to become a Peter Gammons-like fixture of the NBA, I'd probably never read another of columns. Sad but true. But the book--even if you're not a Sox fan--is still a great read, and it's much longer than you expect, too. You certainly get your money's worth.

Next to that, one of my all-time favorite books, ever since I read it for the first time back in junior high--Johann Wyss' Swiss Family Robinson. If you've never read it, you're missing out on a truly classic piece of great literature. And no, watching the old 60's movie on the Disney Channel doesn't count, although, it's a great movie, too.

Next on the list is a compilation, the Oxford Book of Sea Stories. Some of the entries are very good, others are... meh. Two of my favorites were Joseph Conrad's Initiation, and Edgar Allen Poe's A Descent Into the Maelstrom.

With just a couple of spare hours on a lazy afternoon, one can easily get through Robert Louis Stevenson's Treasure Island. Still a classic, and it's a good introduction to all of the jargon-heavy volumes further down this list.

The next book was a complete waste of money and time. It's another compilation called The Greatest War Stories Never Told. First of all, each 'story' is only three or four paragraphs long, and the 'author' or compiler or whatever you call it, tried to go all O. Henry on each one, trying for a big money-shot payoff sentence at the end of each subject. It didn't work, and most of the stories have been heard many many times already. I learned very little new information, and I want my money back.

The next eleven books, as you can see from the picture, are the sum total of C.S. Forester's Horatio Hornblower series. I loved reading these. Each volume provided an afternoon's entertainment, and my buckle was completely swashed with every turn of the page. Just a great series of adventures, and I'm sure I'll re-read them many times over the years. For somebody who up until now has been no fan of fiction, I found myself completely immersed.

Unfortunately, Forester only wrote eleven volumes in the series, and I was hungry for more. Enter Patrick O'Brian, with his 20+ volume Aubrey/Maturin series of adventures on the high seas during the Napoleonic wars at the beginning of the 19th century. These are much 'meatier' than the Hornblower series, and a difficult read if your frame of mind isn't set properly (like on the quarterdeck of a British frigate, circa 1803 or so). I've read the first two volumes, Master and Commander, and Post Captain, both of which are excellent. At around 500 pages each, it's a commitment, but well worth it. It's not for beginners, that's for sure, because one is likely to get frustrated with the vernacular. But if you stick with it, it all starts to come together. At the very least, it's preparing me to kick everyone's ass on Talk Like A Pirate Day next month... Anyhow, I just finished the second one last night, and the next three volumes are enroute from the good folks at Amazon as we speak.

Next on the list are two of the later Tom Clancy novels-- The Bear and The Dragon, and Teeth of the Tiger. Both of them are the usual Clancy offerings, although every bit of dialogue the Vice President, Robbie Jackson, utters in 'Dragon' is overwrought pap. Seriously, it feels like a sixth-grader wrote that character. Cringeworthy, I think, is the word. Otherwise, it's a fine read. 'Tiger', however, left the door open for another novel, which I hope would be written and released sometime soon--it's been almost six years now. Who does Clancy think he is, Guns and Roses?

After that, there's a paperback called Dumb But Lucky: Confessions of a P-51 Fighter Pilot by Richard Curtis. I'll confess, I just started on that one this morning, and so far, so good. My only gripe is that this latest edition uses the same typeface as must have been used in the original release, 20+ years ago. It's weird how I can tell, but it just looks like an old book once you get past the table of contents.

Rounding out the shelf is probably the most difficult read of the lot--To Rule The Waves - How The British Navy Shaped the Modern World, by Arthur Herman. It's long, it's tedious, and it's a very detailed history book. It would've probably been about 200 pages shorter had the author chose not to give a detailed biography of every person mentioned. Seriously, I got it, most of the great British seafarers came from the west country and Liverpool... Anyhow, the book was on my wishlist for a long time, and one of my readers sent it along over a year ago. It's been sitting on the shelf or in a storage tote ever since, but I finally tackled it this summer. Even though I'm a student of history in general, and naval history in particular, I found it to be a difficult volume to stay with.

Finally, not pictured, because it was sitting on the floor next to my bed at the time, is Richard Henry Dana's Two Years Before the Mast. I can't say enough good things about it--it should probably be an option on any high school or college freshmen-level required reading list. Having been born in California and considering myself a Californian-in-exile, his observations of 19th century life in coastal California are fascinating, and having spent much time in places mentioned in the book, I found it especially interesting. There is a fair bit of nautical jargon, for one can't spend two years on a tall ship without picking up an entirely new vocabulary. Even so, it goes on the list of all-time favorite books.

Since I did so much reading, and enjoyed my time away from the keyboard so much, that promised 'epic post' on September 1st ain't gonna happen--I'm just easing back into my normal routine of posting here and there, and then sometimes letting fly when the creative dam bursts.

Anyhow, that's about all I've done this summer, besides play a little poker here and there. If any of you have done any good 'beach reading' this summer, let me know what else is good out there. Soon enough, I'll be at the end of my O'Brian novels, and I'll be looking for something else to stimulate the brain.

Mikey

It Sure Doesn't *Feel* Like August

Man, what a beautiful day we have in store out here in America's Playground today. It's been hot as hell for awhile, and yesterday the wind kicked up and blew all the residual heat out of the valley. Last night when I went to work, it was down to 79 degrees--and breezy. That was pretty nice, since usually it's still about a hundred degrees when I roll into the casino at 1:00 am.

And it was even better this morning when I left--clear, sunny, breezy, and the ol' thermometer said it was 71 degrees. Feels like San Diego, almost. It was so nice that I took the truck for a bath, and instead of just going to one of those drive-thrus like they have at most gas stations, I took it to a self-service place and attacked it with a big foamy brush and a high pressure hose. And the change machine that took my five-dollar bill and converted it into quarters sounded like one of those old-school slot machines, before they invented the ticket-in doohickey. Very nice.

The first thing I did when I came home was to turn off the A/C (well, it's on autopilot and wasn't running anyways, but it was still warmer in the apartment that it was outside), and then opened up the windows and turned on the fans. It won't last long--it's supposed to get back up to 90 today, but this morning, it's wonderful.

If I'd known it was gonna be this nice today, I would've just waited and done all my running around now instead of doing it all yesterday. I couldn't put it off any longer, though--the truck needed an oil change, a rotation and balance, and an alignment. That's what I spent most of my afternoon doing. I didn't get much sleep the night before, and by the time I got home, I was dead tired.

Instead of banging around the kitchen for my dinner, I ordered a deep-dish Chicago-style pizza from Pie Town. Oh hell yeah--so good! Of course, it's no Grimaldi's, but that's an apples-to-oranges comparison (but gooey deep-dish oranges!!!). I also got an order of their 'house recipe' wings, and damn, they are oh-my-god good. Best I've had since I dined regularly the smoked offering at Papillon's back in Mesa, Arizona ten years ago. First of all, the wings are from huge steroid-era chickens, and then they're coated in a mixture of mild sauce, teriyaki, and BBQ. Of course, I prefer 'hot' wings, so I could go for a little extra zip, but these were damn good. And of course the pizza is the best Chicago-style I've come across out here. And the fact that they bring it to my front door, well, that's just gravy on the mashed potatoes of my happiness.

I had another long, but good, night at work, although I was seriously draggin' ass by the end of my shift. I don't know how you people manage to work eight hours a day--I suppose I have a bad case of part-timer's disease... But like I said, no complaints here. They can chain me to the table like a galley slave if they want to, and I'll row all week.

Today, I have no plans. I'm on-call for the next couple of days, but since I have so many hours already this week, I doubt I'll get called in unless it just gets crazy-busy, so I'm guessing I'm free tonight. I may head over to the 'M' and play in their 6:00 pm tournament and flirt with the little blondie with kooky hair, or I may just stay home and dork out in front of the TV and watch all of the Shark Week shows I've recorded these past several days. I don't know.

As for right now, I'm gonna work my way through a pot of coffee, one GRITS cup at a time, and curl up with the latest adventures on the high seas with Captain Aubrey and Dr. Maturin.

Mikey

No Longer Angry, Just Tired

Oh man, yesterday's issues just sucked the life out of me. Battling three separate entities of ineptitude took every ounce of strength that I had. Luckily, the biggest issue--the bank--has been resolved, and all the money was credited back to my account this morning. I'm still waiting for action with the property management company, but I've resigned myself to the fact that it's going to be a long and drawn out process, so I'm not gonna stress over it. And as far as E*Trade goes, well, it's just another series of hoops to jump through. I've got sixty days to deal with it, so I'm not gonna worry about it this week, either.

But after having such a crappy day, and then spending the afternoon writing about it, I was spent. I went to bed around 5:00 pm and crashed hard. I'd been short on sleep anyways, so it didn't take much for me to drift off. I woke up around 10:00 pm, thinking "Woot! I've got two more hours before I have to get up and go to work!" and then about two minutes later, the phone was ringing--they were calling me in two hours early.

Thankfully, it was another busy night. I ended up working the full 'hard eight', and I was locked down solo from 2:30 until 7:00 am without a break. Of course it kicked my ass, but believe me, I certainly prefer it to the alternative. They can work me like a slave as far as I'm concerned! I've had enough of the famine--it's time to feast. But after being hunched over the poker table all night, standing up for the first time in hours was an adventure--I was all stiff and ready to hire an Asian midget to put on some cleats and walk all up and down my back for a couple of hours.

But the bottom line is that work has been wonderful lately--lots of good games that go all night and the tables have been full of fun players with lots of personality. Time flies when you're having a good time at the office. I just hope it keeps up for say, oh, I dunno, the next seven or eight years...

Once I finally punched out and escaped the ding-ding-ding of slot machines (they always sound louder in the morning when the casino is empty), I shuffled off to the truck and came straight on home. No stopping for breakfast or shopping or anything like that. The first thing I did was kick off the shoes and turn on the coffeepot. Breakfast was a bowl of granola with fresh blueberries and raspberries, topped with banana yogurt. It's not bacon, but it sure tastes good, and really fills the hole.

Right now I'm debating whether or not I want to stay up and run some errands (I desperately need to get the truck washed and the oil changed), or read for a bit and then take a morning siesta. But the more I think about it, Siesta is edging out in the lead.

On the home front, I still don't have a couch just yet, but I'm very close. July was a very lean month, but August is shaping up to be much better. In the meantime, I'm waiting for my new vacuum cleaner to arrive--I ordered it the other day off of Amazon, and it should get here in the next couple of days. Gotta have clean carpets before I put down the new furniture, and two months without a vacuum is quite enough. But the couch, well, it's still at the store, but it'll be here in the house before football season starts. I'm not tailgating in a Coleman folding camp chair in my living room, no sirree. When I snooze through the afternoon game every Sunday, it'll be on a nice tan-colored microfiber sectional.

That's the news from here. And by the way, it's good to be back!

Mikey

Staggering Incompetence

Ok, all you re-clickers get a little bonus today--only because I'm so fed up that I could eat glass. Seriously, I'm only writing this stuff because I'm so damn pissed off that if I don't do something to relieve the pressure, I could go off on a violent spree of ass-kicking like Michael Douglas in Falling Down.

It all started with the morons at Washington Mutual. Believe me, it's no accident that they're bankrupt and being taken over by Chase--the place is run by people I wouldn't trust to pump my gas. I do most of my banking online, and the only reason I go to the branch nowadays is to deposit my tips or hit the ATM occasionally (not very often though--normally I feel nekkid unless I have at least a hundy in my wallet).

Anyhow, about the middle of last week, I was online and noticed that my available balance was about thirty bucks lower than it should've been, and upon further investigation, I saw that there were a couple of 'pending' charges on my debit card. I thought that was strange because the only thing that ever goes to 'pending' status is purchases I make on Amazon.com. And normally, I'll admit, I usually buy something about once a week from them--with free shipping and no sales taxes, plus their normally unbeatable prices, I try to buy *everything* I can from them--from books, to toiletries, to regular household goods and non-perishables. But all of my Amazon purchases had been accounted for, so I called up the bank to see what was up.

Of course, they told me that they couldn't see any info about the charges, not even what city and/or state the purchases occured in. Basically, I was told to chill the fark out until the money was actually debited from the account--they told me that they couldn't do a damn thing until the charge went through. But I *knew* that they were fraudulent, so I tried to head it off at the pass, so to speak. But no, the bank said they couldn't do a thing until this week (In the meantime, however, I still wasn't allowed access to my funds). Also adding to my uneasiness, the moron on the phone said "Oh this happens all the time, usually it just goes away".

Really, fraudulent charges show up in peoples' accounts all the time, but somehow they just all work themselves out??? What-the-f*ck-ever, dude.

So I decided to wait. I deposited a little extra cash in my account, just in case, and then I got cashier's checks for the rent and stuff that was due this past weekend--I wasn't gonna take a chance on bouncing and important bill due to some nefarious misdeeds in cyberspace. (And since I still get cashier's checks for free, I took full advantage of that and made them give me one for everything I had coming due. Hell yeah, if they're not gonna take my concerns seriously, well then, I'm gonna make sure it costs them a few bucks). At that point, there was nothing I could do but sit and wait.

Fast forward to Saturday, August 1st.

Rent is due on the first of the month, of course, so I had to go down to the rental office to pay.

First, a little backstory. When I moved into this apartment at the end of May, it was about 98% ready for a new tenant, but there were a few minor odds and ends that needed to be addressed. In the first two weeks that I was here, well, most of them were taken care of. However, there was one issue that's been driving me crazy ever since. When I moved in, one of the wide silverware drawers was completely missing from the cabinet--no framework or hardware or anything, just a big rectangular hole under the counter. Not only that, but the cabinet door right underneath it was also missing. To complete the trifecta of suck, the other cabinet door is mounted upside down and on the wrong side, so instead of having the cabinets open up like shutters on a window, it's more like a one-winged butterfly, with the hinges in the middle.


I moved in on a Saturday, and was promised that it would be taken care of by the following Tuesday. Wednesday rolled around, and I was told it would be done by the weekend. That never happened. Finally, about two weeks after I moved in, one of the maintenance guys came over, took a bunch of measurements, and said that he'd get everything done, but he had to special-order parts, and that it would take close to two more weeks. No problem, as long as progress was being made, I was patient.

But nothing happened. On June 30th, I had a delivery to pick up down at the office, and so I figured I would get after the general manager, maybe light a fire under her. After hearing my gripe, she said that she was all over it, but the special order was still 15 days from delivery.

Ok...

Around the 20th of July or so, I called and left a message for her to call me back and tell me the status. I never heard back. It hasn't been a big deal so far, so I let it slide until Saturday. I went in to drop of my (cashier's) check for the rent, and reminded the staff in the office that I've been here two months now and still have two gaping holes in my cabinets where a drawer and a door are supposed to be, yet they are still missing. I was told that the old G.M. was 'no longer with us', and I started to raise some hell about why nobody ever followed up, and the one gal took my number and said she'd call me back on Monday (yesterday) with some answers.

Oh yeah, if you think she called, well then, I've got some swampland to sell ya.

So today, I called in again, this time with a little edge in my voice and demanded some action. But this time, I actually talked to the one gal in there who has been trying to expedite things. She said she'd get in touch with the maintenance department and call me right back. That was over an hour ago--still no word.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable by giving them more than two months to get the damn cabinets fixed before losing my patience. But if I have to call down there one more time, I'm going to unleash a stream of expletives that would get me kicked out of church, most government offices, and a few bars around town, too. I've had it. I just want the kitchen to be fixed and normal.

Meanwhile, now that the worst of the financial storms of the past several years are behind me, and the extremely slow summer in the casino seems to be easing its grip on my wallet, I've decided to get cracking on really investing and trading again--I don't wanna live in Vegas forever, and that sailboat ain't gonna buy itself. I've been putting huge bucks away in my retirement account ever since I got here, which has caused a little discomfort at times, but now things are improving, so I opened another account--one where I can do a little trading and gambling in, (not just buying fund shares) hoping to time the markets and such, or at least collect a few option premiums or make a few capital gains.

Not wanting to give Schwab any benefit from my investments, I opened up a new account at E*Trade last week. It's been awhile since I jumped through all the compliance hoops, and I was amazed at some of the verification questions they asked me--stuff like verifying some of the streets I lived on over 15 years ago, or what junior high I went to. And it's not like they were asking for backup info, they already had the info, and I had to do a multiple choice 'quiz', like

What city did you live in when you lived on E Dragoon in 1996?

A) Rexburg, Idaho
B) Mesa, Arizona
C) San Diego, California
D) Nashville, Tennessee

Where they got that info, I have no idea, but there were about five of those that I had to do in addition to the regular application process. It struck me as odd--it seemed like something that the CIA or FBI would ask me before offering me a job.

Anyhow, it took about 20 minutes to complete, and then once it was done, I just had to verify my bank account info (more hoops) and then my investment account was open. Easy enough.

Of course, the very next day, I got an email reminding me that I had 60 days to fund my account, or else they'd close it. No problemo--I had most of the cash ready to go. So this morning I got online to attempt to fund my account but it wouldn't let me. Oh, they had all of my bank account info, but the website interface wouldn't allow me to make the transfer. So I called the service center.

I explained my issue, and they looked up my account. They said that they couldn't verify my current address, so they weren't going to let me fund my account until they got a copy of my drivers license or passport with my current address on it.

I about lost my mind--they've got direct access to my checking account already, they knew damn near every street address I've lived at for the past 20 years, but since they had no record of me living here at my current place, they wouldn't accept an electronic transfer of cash from me. Apparently, my situation is 'suspicious' activity when it comes to the Patriot Act or something--at least that's the line of bullshiat that they fed me. And I'll be damned if I go stand in line at the DMV for three hours just so I can send them a thousand bucks through an ACH transfer. The check is in the mail, literally and figuratively.

Why couldn't they tell me this when I first opened the account? Of course, the toad on the phone was about as dumb as a rock, and insisted that I had to get a government issued document faxed to them with my current address on it before they'd let me move money. That's so stupid that it boggles the mind. I've been in and out of the country a half dozen times with my current passport, and the address on it was like seven addresses ago. The Feds don't have a problem with me, nor does the State of Nevada. Even the incompetents down at Washington Mutual don't dish out this much red tape.

But I called bullshiat with the clown on the phone and ended the call rather abruptly. He tried calling me back, but by that point, I'd had enough. I got through to somebody else, and although they fed me the same sketchy reasoning, I found out that I could just fax in a copy of a utility bill instead. Still kind of a pain in the ass--I don't have access to a fax machine anymore, but since Big Brother is busy protecting us from evildoers, I have to put up with shiat like faxing in a copy of my electric bill before I can move money into an investment account ('cause apparently, the terrorists don't use air conditioning) and I still have to take off my shoes at the airport.

So much stupidity floating around loose in the universe--It truly boggles the mind.

I'll deal with Etrade later. Today, I've been going 15 rounds with the geniuses at Washington Mutual.

I went back and checked my account today, and one of the two fraudulent charges actually went through. So I called the bank. Every time I did, I had to enter all of my pertinent info on the keypad, but as soon as I got through to a person, I had to give it all over again. That's just plain frustrating. Not only that, but the person I explained my situation to couldn't help me, they had to transfer me to the Fraud Department. No problem, except that every time they did, I got sent right back into the normal telephone banking queue, and had to re-enter all of my info each time. And each time, I just ended up talking to some front-line grunt who had absolutely no ability to do anything but transfer my call. This happened four times before I got to the right department.

Of course, once I got there, they had to spend two minutes verifying everything that I'd already entered six or seven times previously. Then they put me on hold, and I got disconnected. This happened three times.

About the seventh or eighth time I called, I unloaded on everybody until I got a supervisor. It only took an hour of my life before I finally got to somebody who could help, and once they pulled their collective thumbs out of their asses, I got grilled on my spending habits and recent purchases and such, and now they're sending me some forms to fill out and send back in. It's gonna take awhile to get my money back, but in the meantime, I cancelled my debit card and a new one is on the way. Oh, and the latest pending Amazon purchase? Oh yeah, even though the card is now 'cancelled', it'll still go through, I'm told.

It makes no sense to me, but hopefully this is just a small bump in the road. Even so, it took me an hour of chewing ass before I got anything done. It really makes me wish to re-think my long relationship with Retard Mutual. I've had accounts with them for eight years now, but the experience of the past week does not instill a lot of confidence. They make it almost impossible to file a fraud claim with them, and I wonder if most people just give up in frustration. Not me--after the first six calls, I was on a mission.

So we'll see what happens. Between the moronitude and buck-passing on display at E*Trade, Washington Mutual, and the rental office at my apartment complex, it was enough to drive me to drink--I'm about a third of the way through a bottle of premium fermented sugar-cane juice from Barbados as we speak. Soon enough, though, I'm gonna go to bed--I worked all night last night and got maybe two hours of sleep this morning before the comedy of errors began in ernest.

Anyhow, now that I got all that off my chest, I feel much better. And y'all knew I wouldn't make it until September until I updated again. I've been feeling kind of restless lately--not bored, but not really wanting to do much, either. Just kind of antsy, like I felt like I should be doing some writing (I've done absolutely NONE since the end of June). On the other hand, since I've spent so much time away from the computer, I've read voraciously. I finished the entire 11-volume Horatio Hornblower series in about ten days, and now I've started on the 21-volume Patrick O'Brien Aubrey series. In between all that, I've read a several other books, most recently finishing off Richard Henry Dana's Two Years Before The Mast, a fantastic read if there ever was one.

On the poker front, I've slowed down a bit on the cash games, but I played in three tourneys last week, cashing in two of them, and on Sunday night I actually got a third place for some pretty good money. I would've gotten second, but the short stack sucked out on me three hands in a row and got me (he went all-in blind all three times, and caught every hand--two double ups and then finished me off. Grrrr....).

So that's where we are. It's still hot-ass summer here in Vegas, I haven't been doing much but getting the apartment in order and doing a lot of reading. Work is going well--I'm feeling busy again, so that's always nice.

I guess I'm back, 26 days early.

Mikey