I may not be long on this world, folks... There is a killer loose in my neighborhood and I know they've been getting into my house. How do I know this? Body parts. Lot's of 'em. Headless torsos, feet, etc--I find something new every week. It's pretty gross. And it's hell on the carpet. Of course the body parts belong to birds and lizards and such, but that doesn't matter. There is a predator out there, and sometimes she sleeps in my bed.
I fear I may be next on the list. She's tried to kill me four times now...
Here is the Number One Suspect:
She's pretty smart--she crawls up and acts all happy to see me, rubs her wet nose on me like a puppy, starts purring, and as soon as I fall asleep, she bares those fangs of hers and tries to take a bite out of my face. The first time was on the round part of my cheek. The second time was my chin. Last week she went for the tip of my nose. Last night, as I lay sleeping, she bit me right in the frickin' eyebrow!
Not only can Kitty stalk, hunt, and kill, but flying is now on her resume...
That's it--Kitty sleeps outside with the dog from now on. Either that or I hire Michael Douglas and Val Kilmer to stand vigil with a pellet gun in my front yard every night.