Sea Day!

Ahhhh... Cruise week at Hurricane Mikey's is rolling along pretty well, but every now and then you need to relax and not worry about getting on and off the boat, going on shore excursions, or duty-free shopping. Sometimes, lazy is good. Sometimes, a sea day is in order.

Today is a sea day on HurricaneMikey.com.

Usually, on sea days, I'm wide awake very early in the morning. Instead of lying in bed, I love to get up, grab a cup of coffee, and have some 'alone' time up on deck, watching the sun rise over the calm ocean.

It's a rare treat, one that is to be savored. And the interesting thing is, there may be 2500 passengers on the ship at any given time, but early in the morning on a sea day, there might be enough up on deck to count on one hand. It's amazing that you can find solitude like that, but it's true, you can. Occasionally, I'm treated to a private showing of dolphins, either swimming alongside the ship, or playing in the bow wave. That always puts me in a good mood, and it's easy to understand why generations of sailors thought they were a good omen.

Unfortunately, the magic doesn't last long. As the morning presses on and the sun gets higher off of the horizon, everyone else starts stirring and the deck gets more crowded, with joggers and sunbathers and such, so it's time to move on.

I like to finish off my coffee and then head down to the cafe for a buffet breakfast. Normally, I don't much care for buffets, but I'm ok with it for breakfast, especially on a cruise ship. And that early in the morning, there are no lines at all, so it's relatively painless to visit the carving stations or have an omelet made-to-order.


Usually, around the time I sit down to enjoy my breakfast, the girls show up and join me. Of course breakfast together is always fun, but then we usually hurry through it so that we can claim some prime upper deck real-estate for our morning sun worshiping. My sister Cyndi always has the beach bag handy, packed with stuff like sunscreen, digital cameras, hard candy, paperback books, etc.--all the stuff we need to hang out on deck for several hours, enjoying the sun and the breeze.


And we're not out there very long before the poolside wait staff comes around offering the special cocktail of the day. It's always some sort of fruit-ice-rum concoction in a special glass and usually a buck or so cheaper than the usual mixed drinks. We'll always try the special first, and if we like it, we'll stick with it. Otherwise, if it's kind of sucky (sometimes they are), we'll go back to pina coladas and dirty bananas for a few hours. This is where the cruise lines get into our wallets, because we generally keep the wait staff pretty damn busy. Sometimes I'll just order a bucket of ice-cold beers and wander around making new friends.

Soon enough, it starts to get hot, so I have to go and jump in the pool for awhile. Once I cool down, I like to go and sit in the hot tub, too.


I may have told this story before, but one time I was on a cruise, sitting in the hot tub all by myself when two bikini-clad sweet young things joined me, and I was feeling like life was about as good as it could possibly get. We were sitting in there talking a bit and just enjoying ourselves, when I said Hmmm, I wonder what the poor people are doing right now... Without missing a beat, one of the gals answered, We're sitting here in this hot tub with you!

Laughs all around.

You don't have to be rich to take a cruise, but maybe that's why I enjoy it so much--just like when you go to Vegas, you live just a little bit larger when you're there than when you're at home.

But as much as I love visiting tropical islands and Getting My Beach On, I love sea days just as much. Time slows down, and I don't have to worry about missing the boat because my sunburned ass is passed out under a palm tree somewhere, drunk on 151 and coconut water. Sea days are where the relaxation part of the vacation really starts to happen, and I'm sure I've embarrassed my sisters on several occasions with my snoring while asleep on a poolside chaise lounge.

Lest you think that there's nothing going on except drinking and sunbathing while at sea, let me tell you what else is happening... There's usually a steel-drum or Calypso band playing. They'll have a limbo contest, a belly-flop contest (which I won while on Rhapsody of the Seas several years ago!), a 'horse race' which is nothing like you imagine. Of course there's food--as soon as breakfast finishes up, they're grilling burgers and hot dogs up on deck, too. Inside, the casino is open, there are dance contests, art auctions, the duty-free shops are open, the card room and library are open for quieter pursuits, and for people so inclined, there are movies and lectures, too. Away from the pool, and depending on the ship, you can hit golf balls, shoot skeet, climb a rock wall, rollerblade, ice skate, play ping-pong, hit the water slide, or if you must, surf the internet.

I remember traveling to Miami for our first cruise, and my sister Amy and I shared our row on the plane with a nice senior citizen lady, and her husband sat across the aisle. She asked us what we were doing in Miami, and we told her that we were going on our first cruise. Her response cracked us up.

Oh you'll just love it! There's so much to do--like bingo, shuffleboard, and square dancing!

Amy and I just looked at each other like Oh good lord, this is gonna suck!, but luckily we were very wrong. We had the time of our lives.

Anyhow--once I've had my fill of pool time and sunbathing, I usually head inside for an hour of blackjack in the casino (they don't open the craps table until later in the evening). Amazingly enough, the gals always seem to find me just about the time I feel like I've had enough.

We'll head back to the room and instead of eating lunch in the dining room or in the cafe, we'll usually just take advantage of the free room service. Sometimes we'll get some sandwiches or whatnot, but most of the time, we just order a tray of cookies and a bunch of cartons of milk. And we just sit around for a couple of hours, shootin' the shiat and eating our cookies and milk. This is one of our traditions that started on our first cruise about ten years ago, and I think that's the point where we all became good friends. We've always been family, but I know this was a turning point--just hanging out together, getting to know each other again. That was the best part of the whole week, and it's spawned a million memories since then.

But the combination of sun, cookies, and laughter conspires to drain the energy from us, and the rest of the afternoon is spent napping on those ridiculously comfortable beds, the air conditioner cranked up as cold as it will go, the room completely engulfed in darkness, and all of us bundled up underneath our newly-purchased woven Mexican throw blankets.



I'm always the first one to wake up from nap-time, and having been raised in a house full of women, I know that if I want to use the bathroom facilities, I better get on it first. So I'll shower and shave, then get dressed in either the business casual dockers and camp shirt combination, or if it's a formal night, I'll put on my Tom Selleck tux. At that point, I get the hell out of the cabin, as the girls are showering, getting dressed, deciding on which shoes to wear, and doing their makeup and hair. Not a place any man with a lick of sense wants to be.

I'll always have a couple of cigars on hand, so I'll find my way up to one of the bars or lounges, or maybe even the casino for a couple of hours to have a martini or two and relax with a fine smoke. Usually I'll run into somebody I've met earlier in the cruise, so I usually don't have to smoke and drink alone. On most ships, there are bars and lounges on the Promenade deck, so I can find a seat next to a huge window and watch the ocean roll by as I indulge and relax.

By the time I finish off my cigar, it's time to head to the dining room for dinner. My gang always opts for a large table so that we can meet new people, and so far we've been lucky--we've only had a few weirdos show up and be clingy. (Here Sherry--let me get a picture of you and James! Heh.) Mostly, everyone has been very cool and are quite interesting dining companions.

I like having dinner in the dining room while on a cruise. Of course there are the extra-fee supper club options, which are nice on formal night, or some people are just cheap and want to eat in the buffet and not have to cough up the $75 in tips at the end of the week, but I'm not one of those people. I like having dinner served in courses by a wait staff that are head-and-shoulders above most restaurant experiences you find here in the States.

And the food is generally pretty good (as long as you avoid the overcooked, rubbery lobster), and their wine recommendations actually work pretty well. I enjoy the dining room experience immensely, and I always want to try something new while there. Hell, the first time I ever ate escargot, steak tartare, sea bass, and intentionally-cold soup were all in cruise-ship dining rooms. And I like the variety, too. If something doesn't taste good to you or isn't quite what you expected, they think nothing of taking it away immediately and replacing it with something more to your liking.

Anyhow, dinner in the cruise ship dining room is something you need to experience, because the food is better than you'd expect, the service is wonderful, the company and conversation is always good, and it's more fun your usual restaurant visit.

We always opt for the late seating at dinner, just because we like to have more time to goof off in the afternoon, and we stay up late anyways. But the other reason is that during the late seating, there are hardly ever any kids in the dining room, especially when dinner is winding down at 10:30 at night. The value of that can't be overstated.

After dinner, there are plenty of activities to choose from--Karaoke, a comedian or magician or such in the showroom, movies, hot-tubbing, the casino, dancing, the piano bar, the champagne bar, sometimes there's a deck party, but most of the time I just go with the flow and just kind of end up where I end up. Sometimes I play craps, sometimes I hang out in a bar, holding court with my new friends, and one time I ended up in the solarium hot-tub with a gal I'd met the day before. As Phil Connors once said, That was a pretty good day...

Once a week, usually on a sea day, they'll have a midnight buffet, which must be seen to be believed. Of course, having finished off dinner less than two hours before, eating again is the very last thing anyone wants to do, but you can't help but stop by to see the cool ice carvings and such, and maybe sample a petit four or chocolate-dipped strawberry off of the dessert station.





By the time I've made my way through that line-up of amazing food creations, I'm good and ready for bed. By then, it's been about a 19-hour day, minus a little time for catnaps. Sunshine, booze, fresh air, rich food, and a whole lot of laughs will eventually catch up to you, and eventually it's time to stumble back to the cabin.

Waiting for us there, a cruise ship tradition. The cabin stewards attack your room again while you're at dinner, and besides leaving mints on the pillow and the daily newsletter on the dresser, they've decorated the room with towel animals. Some of them can be quite creative.




As tired as we are, we usually stay up a little while, talking about the past day, planning the next one, and checking the newsletter for any activities that may be of interest. But then, it's lights out for another day. Another perfect day. No bingo, shuffleboard, or square dancing required.

Mikey

Cruise Week: Costa Maya

Today's theme is Costa Maya, Mexico. As my friend Joe would say, ain't never been there, they tell me it's nice. The only reason I'm tossing it out here is because we'll be stopping there next year, and I'm looking forward to it.


The thing with Costa Maya is that it's the Mexican equivalent of that baseball diamond in the Iowa cornfield. If you build it, they will come. Costa Maya isn't really a town, an outpost, or even a fishing village. It's just a big old custom-built tourist stop, designed only to separate Americans from their money, out on the Yucatan Peninsula. Basically they carved a beach club and shopping center out of the jungle and then built a pier for the cruise ships. Ta-Daa!




So the idea here is to just pull over for the day and let everyone off the ship for some drinking, shopping, and relaxing. And I am all over that! Everyone knows that one of my favorite activities is sitting under a palm tree on the edge of the ocean, sipping a rum drink... I think I could find myself doing that very thing pretty easily. This is the kind of port stop that I really groove on, much more than overpriced, over-hyped places like Grand Cayman.


There are a few shore excursions offered, mostly snorkeling and exploring old Mayan ruins. None for me thanks. I may do a little shopping, if the prices on duty-free booze are decent. Otherwise, it's sandals, swim trunks, and flip-flops for me all day, while I roast in the sun and wait for the rasta-man with the machete to come by and lop off the end of a coconut and pour some rum inside for me.

I can think of no finer way to spend a day.

Mikey

Cruise Week: Belize

The theme for today is Belize--One of my favorite third-world countries. And I don't mean that in a snarky, insulting way. But the truth is, Belize is still pretty much behind the times and undeveloped, with lots of abject poverty and other minor social ills. But it has been blessed with some of the most awesome natural treasures in the world--beautiful beaches, amazing coral reefs, and an ecologically diverse jungle that teems with all kinds of creepy, crawly life.

However, like most of Central America, they've embraced political stability, so the place is far from being a banana republic that were so infamous just a couple of decades past in that neighborhood. On the other hand, there isn't much bringing dollars into the economy besides tourism.

But between the resorts, the fishing, and all of the cruise visitors, they're making the most of it. I've written at length about my last visit to Belize, and as I recall, it was the hottest place on earth as far as I was concerned. And that's from someone who's been living in the desert for the better part of the past 20 years.


Anyhow, the cruise we're looking at also stops in Belize, which is a-ok with me! There's just one problem with that. Because of the huge barrier reef that shields damn near the entire country, it makes for that awesome, almost unreal, blue water that you see in the above picture. But that's because it's got a shallow sandy bottom. Very shallow. Too shallow for cruise ships to get in close to dock. So what happens is that the ships anchor way offshore, and you have to ride the tender boats to and from land. And it's not like tendering in the Caymans where you're just a few hundred yards from the beach. In Belize, you're miles from shore, in deep water, so it's a royal pain in the ass to go to and from the ship.

So, is there like, a country around here somewhere?

Anyhow, once you get to land, it's well worth it. If you can ignore the Tijuana-like squalor of Belize City, and escape to one of the outlying cayes, then you've got all the tropical paradise you can handle. Palm trees, sunshine, cheap rum, beautiful clear water, friendly natives--basically all the ingredients of a perfect day.



Looking at the shore excursions that are available in Belize, nothing really strikes my fancy. Belize is relatively new to the cruising scene, so their tourist infrastructure isn't quite up to speed like most other places in the Caribbean. If you want to do anything in Belize, half of your time is spent just getting there. Tubing on a jungle river? How about a long tender ride to shore, an hour long bus ride, a 45-minute walk through the jungle, followed by an hour and a half in the water. Then do it all again, in reverse. Yep, for a 90 minute jungle cave-tubing trip, you're gone for seven hours. While it would be fun, you won't catch me wasting my whole day getting there and back. Even the Belikin brewery tour, an activity that's right up in my kitchen, requires a 45 minute bus ride once you make it to shore.

However, there are a few interesting snorkeling excursions that are available, along with a private island beach break that's not too far from the ship. If I were SCUBA certified, there are some fantastic dives available, but that's an expense not in the budget this year. So it looks like I'm leaning towards hopping on a sailboat and heading out to a remote island for a day of relaxation.


In fact, I may not even make it to the mainland while I'm there. I'd rather avoid the crowds and be someplace where the palm trees outnumber the humans. If, for some reason I *do* make it to the mainland, it'll be just long enough to grab a water taxi out to Caye Caulker where I can find a secluded beach club to hole up at all day, alternating between staring at the ocean and staring into my rum drink. It sure beats fighting the crowds at the trinket shops fighting over those stupid Belize It Or Not t-shirts, which are made in China anyways.

As beautiful as Belize is, it's the most difficult of all the stops on the itinerary. Luckily, it's in the middle of the trip, so the patience factor won't be as much of an issue. But you have to already be unwound before you get there, otherwise you're likely to hate it.

Mikey

We Interrupt Cruise Week...

... for this 'important' message.

Actually, it's not that important, but I thought I'd post an update about my doings and whereabouts these past few days. I've had a lot of fun, and I thought it would be a good idea to write about something besides work or poker.

Saturday, of course, was chock-full of college football goodness, and although Michigan State let me down, I nailed my Vanderbilt pick, which more than made up for my parlay-card losses. Once I had my fill of football, I cleaned up and headed down to the casino to cash a few tickets. I didn't linger--I had an appointment with some of my ladies for drinks and buffoonery.

I headed over to a local bar, a place I hadn't been before, and found a seat. I didn't see any familiar faces, but I went ahead and ordered a pint of Newcastle. It had just landed in front of me, not even giving me time to take my first sip, when I saw Jen, her mom, and Jason walk in the front door. I waved 'em over, and they joined me at the bar. I think Jason had been having a good week in the sports book because he immediately pulled out the credit card and handed it over to the bartender, announcing that the evenings festivities were all on him. That may have contributed to me drinking about six pints of Newcastle over the course of our gathering.

A word about our bartender--she was a comely young lass wearing a much too small bustier top and a push-up bra, putting the girls up and proudly out on display, like a proper tavern wench. And she had to bend waaaay over to hear our drink orders, so of course, Jason and I would sit back and almost whisper our orders while the gals would just roll their eyes and laugh at us.

Anyhow, a few minutes into our first round, my gal Jovanka showed up, which shocked me. I hadn't seen her forever, and we haven't gone out drinking together in about a year. Hell, she took a long leave of absence from work and had some health problems this past year, so I figured our drinkin'-together days were behind us.

But once she showed up, it was Game On and we spent the rest of the night laughing our asses off and catching up. Rumor has it that some top-shelf tequila may have been consumed.


But between the five of us, we had a great time. A few other people cycled in and out over the course of the evening, wishing Jen a happy birthday, but we die-hards stayed until the bitter end, which was sometime around 11 pm. I know, and early night, but all the rest of my party gang had worked all day, so they were all wiped out.

Jovanka and I said our goodbyes, making plans to get together again soon. In fact, she suggested that next time we do it on a night when she doesn't have to work the next day, and we get a taxi, too. I got a bad feelin' about that...

Anyhow, I came home and was in bed before midnight, which turned out to be a good thing. Why? Because my phone was ringing at 3:15 in the morning, asking if I could come down to the poker room and work at 4:30. No problemo--I was hoping to get called in this weekend, I could certainly use the money.

So I made my way down to work, and saw that there were still two games going. One was a crazy no-limit game, which I sort of expected, but the other game was an even crazier 4/8 game--full of drunks, and every pot was huge.

The problem with the 4/8 game was that there were a couple of dickheads at the table, which kind of made it a pain in the ass to deal, but I never got less than two bucks a pot. But the floorman knew the game was full of assholes, so he stayed close by, making sure the kettle didn't boil over.

Luckily, I was only there for a half-hour, then I went to the no-limit game. It was much better, much easier going, and the money was just as good there.

I figured that both games would break before six am, but both of them kept chugging along, so I pocketed an easy $160 before getting sent home at 8:00 when a third dealer showed up and the no-limit game finally broke down.

I considered hanging around in the sports book to watch football and flirt with one of my waitress gals who always brings me doubles, but I was just too tired. So I headed home after stopping to get a breakfast Jack and a bottle of juice. My day was spent dozing through the football games, and for whatever reason I made the stupid mistake of betting on a Norv Turner coached team on the road (what the hell was I thinking?), so my $5 parlay card was ruined by the Chargers. And the Bills. Oh well.

Anyhow, it was a lazy day, but then I had to get up, showered, and dressed because I was meeting Big Drew, Little Drew, and Uncle Joe (heretofore known as the Wisconson Mafia) for dinner at Grimaldi's.

It was a beautiful night out, and we were hoping to dine out on the patio, but everyone else in the neighborhood had the same idea. Say what you will about the weak economy, but the restaurant was packed all night long, and we had to wait for a table. We finally settled for sitting inside--the patio was just too popular on Sunday night.

We started out with Peronis on tap, and dinner consisted of a bunch of delicious pizzas. But not only was the food really good, as usual, the conversation was lots of fun too, and even after we finished eating, we lingered for quite awhile. Everyone learned back in March that it was better to have leftovers, so we had three boxes to take with us once we finally gave up our table. We may do it again on Wednesday, but those plans haven't been finalized quite yet.

Today has been rather dull and uneventful--Kendra had to put her truck in the shop, so we postponed our plans to get together, and I didn't sleep well last night, so I kinda wasted my whole morning snoozing. I didn't even make any coffee today. Once I woke up, I showered and got dressed and went out to run some errands. I had to go to the bank and grocery store, and then picked up some chicken nuggets for lunch. Once I got home, Drew was calling. He scored some free tickets for Blue Man Group tonight down at the Venetian, so I got an invite.

So I'm just chillin' here back at the house, biding my time until I head down to the Strip tonight. After the show, we're gonna grab a bite to eat, probably at Grand Lux, so I'll be having some Asian Nachos this evening. But after that, it's back to the real world. My workweek starts at 6:00 am tomorrow.

Mikey

Cruise Week on the Mikey Channel

I'm sorry. I just can't help myself. It's where my mind is. I've always believed that a person has to have something to look forward to, or else life will get depressing. I swear it's true! And now I've got something to look forward to--a week of buffoonery on the high seas is my goal.

Since cruising the Caribbean is on my mind, well, that's what you're gonna get this week. In fact, I've been sending emails to the family loaded up with pictures that will help them get their anticipatory juices flowing. I'm sure that everyone who goes on cruises has a great time, but I can't think of any group that has more fun than my gang. It's kinda like when the buffoons come to Vegas. Everybody has fun in Vegas, but nobody has more fun than we do. Same with going on a cruise with my sisters--we set the fun bar pretty damn high each time we go.

Anyhow, the theme from today's email was Cozumel--my favorite spot in all of the Caribbean. For those of you who've never been, it's a small island off the east coast of the Yucatan peninsula, thirty miles long and ten miles wide. There's one town, San Miguel, where the civilization is, but the rest of the island is nothing but dense jungle and sandy beaches.

I've been there twice now, and my usual routine once I get off of the ship is to hire a taxi to take us down to the south end of the island to Playa de San Francisco. It's less crowded than some of the other beaches on the island, because it's quite a ways from the main cruise ship docks and beach clubs in town. But in my experience, there isn't a bad beach to be found anywhere on the leeward side of the island.



The first time I was there, I made the mistake of taking my niece Stephanie with me to rent scooters and go exploring. We weren't five minutes out of the rental office before she Evel-Knieveled herself across two lanes of traffic, glancing off of the center island planter on the malecon, and right into the grill of an oncoming taxi.

I freaked for a second, thinking that she probably killed herself, but no, she was a gymnast, so she knows how to fall without hurting herself. So aside from few bumps, bruises, and scrapes, she was no worse for the wear, and the scooter only sustained about $200 worth of damage. But after a couple of minutes in the 'pharmacia', she got back on the horse, so to speak, and once we got away from traffic, she did much better and didn't inflict any more damage upon herself.

If you head south out of San Miguel, the road runs along the coast for several miles. On one side of the road, it's nothing but full-on Indiana Jones-style jungle, and on the other side, there are small beach bars and beach clubs carved out every few hundred yards. Each of them feature chaise lounges and palapa-style thatch huts, picnic tables, and a small pier that you can snorkel off of (there's an amazing reef just off the beach for most of the length of the island).



Not only can you get some great deals on ice-cold Coronas and Pacificos, but they also sell that wonderful Mexican Coca Cola--the kind that comes in the old-school glass bottles and it's made with real sugar cane instead of high-fructose corn syrup. And believe me, when it's hot and humid, nothing tastes better than one of those Cokes. Word around the campfire is that they'll even add rum to it, if you ask 'em nice.

But that's when I discovered San Francisco beach. It's a good 15 minute drive away from town, but it's got a beautiful white sand beach and a handful of beach bars and restaurants providing food, drink, and diversion for us. One of my favorite spots has a nice cool fresh-water pool that overlooks the ocean, and it has a swim-up bar attached to it, too.


I'll swim in the ocean all day long, but once you get out, the salt makes you feel all sticky and kinda nasty. So they have showers available, and then jumping in the pool is even more refreshing. And not only that, but they serve pina coladas in hollowed-out pineapples. Just like god intended.

I also got a nice 30-minute massage under a palm tree right there on the beach from a hot bikini-clad Mexican chick for only twenty bucks. Money well spent!

Anyhow, after lounging around at the beach club for about three or four hours, it's time to head back towards civilization. Usually, I'll head back to the ship to change clothes, then join the throngs of tourists hitting up all of the shops along the main drag. Most of the shops feature a bunch of junk I'd never buy, but there are some truly cool trinkets to be found. Amy and I discovered an interesting shop that sold Aztec calendars, some of them as big as six feet in diameter! But it's neat to wander the shops and back alleys just to see what kind of stuff is for sale.

But after our window shopping is done, we always head to the Havana Club for the balance of the day. The Havana Club is a combination restaurant/bar/dance club/cigar store that overlooks the water, and it's one of my favorite places in the entire world to kill an afternoon. Not only do they have killer Cuban food, but they've got an authentic Habano's shop on premises with the biggest damn humidor I've ever seen. And it's full of real Cuban cigars.

So we usually relax by having a few drinks there, then indulging in some lunch, and then I'll usually drop about $500 buying goodies from the humidor to smuggle back home with me.


But much too soon, the day is over, and it's time to head back to the ship. But Cozumel is such a great place--beautiful scenery, friendly locals, lots of fun stuff to do--that every time I leave, I always swear that I'm going back. I think if money were no object, I'd buy a chunk of land there, where the jungle meets the beach, build a cabin, and spend the rest of my days slowly emptying my rum cellar and turning all of those wonderful Cuban cigars into nothing but little piles of ash. A fellow could do a lot worse.

Damn. I can't wait to get back.


Mikey

Answering the Cruise Question

After that last cruise post I made earlier today, I guess it lit a bit of a fire under other people too--it seems that I'm not the only one to be excited about having a cruise planned.

But I want to answer the biggest question, from Jay, who asked if a cruise was all-inclusive. Well, the short answer is, yes and no.

The big things are included--lodging, food, entertainment, shows, and activities on board, and the 'cruise' itself--moving that big damn floating hotel all over the Caribbean. However, if you have never cruised before and are taken in by the splashy ads offering cruises for $599, well, you're in for a big surprise.

Six hundred bucks is an absolute bargain for a vacation, and yeah, it includes almost everything. But lets talk about the stuff it doesn't cover.

• Airfare. Unless you plan on driving to the departure port, you'll have to buy a plane ticket. And there ain't no way I'm driving to Florida, New Orleans, or Galveston. Maybe San Diego or L.A. But then, if you drive, you'll have to park your car somewhere for a week. Long term parking at the cruise terminals runs anywhere from $12-20 per day.
• Hotel. If you live on the west coast, like I do, and wish to take a cruise out of Miami, Tampa, or Ft. Lauderdale, most flights don't arrive until mid-afternoon at the earliest. No time for delays or missed connections. So you'll have to fly in a day before and get a hotel room. And don't forget meals, either.
• Airport transfers. If you fly in on the morning of your cruise, you still have to get you and all your luggage to the cruise ship terminal. There ain't no free ride. You can ride the bus, like most other passengers do, but that's a clusterfuck. It's much better just to get a limo or taxi. And if your cruise leaves out of Galveston or Port Canaveral, where the nearest major airport is 40 miles away, you're talking about a significant expense.
• Tips. Actually, this is actually quite reasonable. Most cruise lines suggest $10 per person, per day, total, which on a week-long cruise in only $70, which goes to your room steward, your waiter, and your assistant waiter. Not bad, especially considering all the hard work they do to please your demanding ass. In the old days, you'd just put the money in an envelope and hand it to them on the last night of the cruise. Nowadays, you can just add it to your onboard Sail & Sign account and have it added to your other shipboard charges.
• Drinks. This is the biggie for a lot of people. True, stuff like water, juice, milk, coffee, lemonade, and tea are included and there are fountains and outlets all over the ship dispensing these free drinks. But soda pop is not included, nor are cocktails or wine. Hell, they'll even put some icy cold bottled water in your stateroom while you're off sweating your ass off in the jungle in Belize, and when you come back exhausted, sweaty and sunburned, you don't care that it costs $6 for a bottle of Dasani. You'll crack it open and pour the entire liter down your throat in one long pull. Cha-ching! The price for wine is actually pretty reasonable on board, and you can even buy it by the bottle or the glass in the dining room. I usually buy a couple of bottles for myself and anyone I wish to share with during the course of the week. But where I get stroked is buying fruity drinks at the pool. They generally cost between $5 and $6 apiece, and they add an automatic 15% gratuity on each drink. All you do is show your room key/sail & sign card and a few minutes later, you're signing a little white slip for $6.85 each time. By the end of the week, they really add up. When I went on my first cruise, I think I paid about $500 for the cruise itself, but then I spent over $700 more on alcohol. Didn't matter to me, but some people may experience sticker shock.
• Onboard Spending Money. There are lots of things to spend money on while you're on a cruise ship. You can't escape the constant hawking of jewelry, art, and duty-free booze and cigarettes while onboard. And don't forget the stops by the sundries shops for stuff like a cold bottle of Coke, or maybe a bag of chips or a candy bar. Or sunscreen, chapstick, shaving cream, a new toothbrush, etc. If you want to use the computers to get online and check email, there's a charge for that, too.
• Gambling. Every cruise ship that's ever sailed has a casino onboard. And since there is no competition for your gambling dollar, most of the action is worse than anything in Bill Harrah's most erotic wet dream. But if you can put up with a single-odds dice table or a double-zero roulette wheel, it's not a bad place to spend a couple of hours.
• Shore excursions. Some folks load up on these, some people don't touch 'em at all. I've been on enough cruises to know which ones to avoid and which ones I'd do. I steer completely away from anything that has more than about 20 people going at once. I hate crowds and standing in line behind stupid people. I'd rather just do my own thing. But there are some great things to do out there, like taking a small sailboat out to a reef for an afternoon of snorkeling. Some folks love to take organized tours and stuff like that, but I hate it. Some of my fondest memories have been just hiring a taxi to take us around the island and do random stuff not listed in Fodor's or the Lonely Planet guide. And remember, if you go on a shore excursion that's offered onboard, about half of the price you pay goes right back into the cruise line's pocket--a cost of doing business the locals have to pay in order to have access to the market of rich, fat, American tourists.
• Shoreside spending money. This is another expense that I sometimes go a little crazy on. Hell, if you saw the duty-free booze prices in St. Martin, you'd immediately try to round up a couple of buddies and try to split the cost of a freighter to ship it all home for you. It's easy to go a little crazy when the bottle of Stoli Vanilla you pay $19 for back home only costs six bucks on the island. Or when a large bottle of Captain Morgan only costs five bucks. I always go waaaay over my US Customs declared allotment, so I guess by definition I'm a smuggler or bootlegger. But hey, sometimes we all want to stick it to The Man. Besides duty-free booze, there are plenty of other things to buy down in the islands. I have a stack of those woven Mexican blankets that are great for sleeping under while lounging on the couch watching football, and I don't think I've ever paid more than five bucks for any of them. But there's stuff like taxis, restaurants, drinks, Cuban cigars, trinkets, t-shirts, and even laundry service (there's a place in Cozumel that'll do a hefty bag full of dirty laundry for you--have it all cleaned, folded, and pressed, and waiting for you on the dock three hours later for like fifteen bucks). Beats the hell out of paying the laundry service on the boat $30 to clean six pieces of clothing, or wasting a couple of hours on your sea-day doing laundry at the self-service shop onboard. I've also spend $$$ on scooter and jet-ski rental, too.
  
• Pictures. That's one thing you cannot escape. While on a cruise, you are constantly having your picture taken, and you begin to feel like Brad and Angelina dodging the clowns from US Weekly whenever they take out the garbage. But some of the pictures are actually worth buying, and it's another thing to account for.
• Formal wear. On a weeklong cruise, there are two formal nights. Usually, I'll rent a tux and take it with me. I believe the last time I did it, it cost me about $150 for the week. But most formal-wear stores have a 'cruise package' where you get a tux with one jacket, one pair of pants, and a pair of shoes, but two shirts and two tie/cummerbund combos. Chicks--you're on your own there. A Little Black Dress will do, I suppose, but I'm the last person you'd come to for that kind of info.
  

So you can see how a $600 vacation could easily end up costing $2000 or more per person. And that $600 bargain price isn't for a balcony suite with floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the ocean as it rolls by. Six hundred bucks will get you an inside cabin with no windows on one of the lowest decks, down with the pigs, chickens, and immigrants, during hurricane season. If you want a window, it's another couple hundy, and if you want a balcony, it's about a grand during the off-season.

But even if you think $2000+ is a bit steep for a cruise vacation, well, there's an obvious reason for it.

It's worth it.

Mikey

A Fun Day At Sea

I thought there was something familiar about the calendar this weekend. It took me a moment, but then I realized that exactly one year from now, I'll be cruising my way south towards the Caribbean.

Yup, the sisters and I have planned another cruise vacation, and a couple of them have already booked their staterooms. Me, I'm waiting a few weeks because 1) I'm single, so I'll be traveling with my niece Diana, and 2) she's putting together her cruising fund as I write this. We're not going to be piling four people to a room this time, like we've done in the past. Yeah, it was fun and all, but you gotta have the right mix of people. Me and three of my sisters can pull it off, and one time I even bunked up my Amy and two of her friends, causing everybody I met that week to think I was a pimp. But as fun as that was, I prefer just having two people to a room these days.

Looking at the calendar, I see that if it were 2009 instead of 2008, I'd be spending the day lounging by the pool sipping rum-based umbrella drinks after a nice leisurely buffet breakfast, maybe hitting the casino for some mid-afternoon blackjack, and then joining the gals in one stateroom where we lounged around laughing it up and ordering a tray of cookies from room service. Kinda beats what I have going on today...

I think it would also be the first 'formal night' of the cruise, so I'd have to bust out the tux and go all James Bond for the evening. That's always fun, and it kinda feels like going to the senior prom, except now you don't have to hide the booze.

Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it. I'm looking at probably taking ten days off from work, spending a couple of days in Nashville at both ends of the cruise before coming back home to Vegas. Ten days away... Oh man, that's almost too much to contemplate. Since I've been here, my longest vacation away from the city has been four days. And seven days of sand, saltwater, rum, and palm trees is just what I need.

It's going to be a long year, followed by a short week.

Mikey

Kicking Off My Weekend

I know that the header says Saturday morning, but to me it's still kinda like Friday night, such as it was. I've been dozing on and off for the past 12 hours, but now I'm wide awake. There's nothing on the tube, except for one of the HD channels is showing Chinatown, so it's playing in the background, commercials and all.

Anyhow...

Let's see here, what's been going on since Wednesday...

Well, I've been working quite a bit. The money has been so-so. Nothing to get excited about, and yesterday was actually kind of weak. But once I bailed out of work on Thursday, I went up to the parking garage and found Kendra sitting in her truck listening to the radio, parked right next to me. And she was kind enough to have brought me an icy cold Coke, too. That was nice.

So we chatted for a minute or two, and I had her follow me over to a local Chinese restaurant for lunch. It was good, cheap, and relaxing--just the way it should be. After lunch, we just hung out visiting for awhile, then she headed back home to northern frontier, while I hung out at the house watching playoff baseball and drinking beer.

Yesterday at work was fairly relaxing, but the old feller's game was actually a lot of fun. I don't know why, but everyone was laughing it up and having a good time. And some poor fool made a $50 bet with me on the election, thinking the Obamination would get elected. Whatever. I'll take your fifty bucks and light my damn cigar with it, celebrating another Republican victory in November. Not that I want to go all political here, but taking this guy's money would be especially juicy for me, just because he's such a pain in my ass.

Besides the good times and laughs at the poker game, Drew from Wisconson showed up to play for about an hour. I don't think he did too well in the game, but I know he made up for it with the video poker once he bailed on the card room. Anyhow, we're gonna be meeting up for dinner at Grimaldi's this weekend, so my Sunday night poker game with the buffoons is gonna get skipped this time around.

And speaking of poker, I thought my account at P-stars was empty, but I logged on last night to see how many frequent player points I had, and to see if there were any freerolls available. But it showed that I had $1.45 still on hand, so I signed up for a $1.20 sit-n-go with 45 players. I ended up getting sixth place, which was a nice diversion for the evening--cheap entertainment for two hours, and now I've doubled my stake to over three bucks. Woot!

But once I got out of work, I headed over to the bank once again, made a small deposit, grabbed some lunch, then came home to answer emails and surf the net for awhile. But my last two nights of having only four hours of sleep caught up with me, and I was facedown in front of the laptop within an hour, happily snoozin' away for the afternoon.

Now, of course, I'm wide awake, but luckily I'm not scheduled to work in the morning. Actually, I'm supposed to be off until Tuesday, but I told the bosses to go ahead and call me if they need an extra body, and they agreed. Otherwise, my day today is going to consist of a lot of college football and a few bottles of Sam Adams Octoberfest.

My gal Jen called me last night, too, and we ended up talking for about an hour--we're gonna go out tonight for her birthday with a few of our other friends--but it was nice to catch up. She's been all involved in a serious relationship for so long that we haven't talked in what seemed like forever, so we had lots to talk about. But once my long day of college football is over, I've got a long night of buffoonery ahead of me.

So besides a few lottery tickets football parlay cards and some old-school buffoonery, I don't really have a whole lot going on this weekend. I've got Sunday night dinner at Grimaldi's, and then on Monday I think Kendra and I might be getting together again, so I'll be far from bored, but I'd certainly like to pick up another shift in the poker room while I'm at it.

Mikey

Not The Most Original Question

Between doing laundry and answering emails, I've been doing a lot of websurfing tonight. And I ran across a blog where the writer was talking about the fantasy scenario of "if money were no object", as in, if money were no object, would you still work?

Now, that question has been kicked around for decades in self-help seminars, motivational books, and workshops that your company sends you to right before they shitcan your ass. Let me offer up my thoughts on the matter.

First of all, longtime readers and those close to me know that I very much enjoy what I do for a living. But would I do it if I didn't have to? Of course not. I love dealing poker, but I enjoy playing poker much more. And there are aspects of the job that I don't like at all. Like getting up and going in at 6:00 am every day and sitting on my ass doing nothing for two hours waiting for the old guys to shuffle in. I hate that.

I also don't like the fact that working in a locals off-strip joint is a completely different world than working in a tourist joint. Our players have been conditioned that if they complain about the slightest issue, they'll get *something* free if they cry long enough. If money were no object, I'd tell a couple of the worst offenders to STFU. Also, I'm not a big fan of long sleeve polyester shirts that make me look like a flamboyant genie, nor do I enjoy wearing a nametag every day, especially when half of the adult population in this world seems to be functionally illiterate.

It's not Mickey. It's Mikey. Get it right. And saying "He likes it!" isn't original or funny, either. It just makes you sound like a dumbass.

But those are minor quibbles. The worst thing, I think, is how the casino treats employees. I now realize that I am a very expendable piece of meat, nothing else. There is a line of a hundred people outside the door that want my job, so if I f*ck up in the slightest, I'm fully aware of the consequences. I may be very good at what I do, but it's only a semi-skilled occupation, and the supply of poker dealers in this town far outstrips demand. And that's a tough gun to be under if you're one who is inclined to think about it too much. Luckily, I'm not.

On the other hand, the good far outweighs the bad. Overall, I enjoy the group of co-workers I spend my time with--for the most part, they are all nice, friendly, helpful, easy to work with, and incredibly patient with the noobie. The money is good. The work isn't very stressful. It's an interesting way to spend the day. There is no parking on the dance floor smoking in the poker room, unlike the pit. My income taxes are almost non-existent. I can actually play poker on the clock, which is so mind-blowingly cool that it was hard to wrap my head around it when I first heard of such a thing.

But let's just say that I won the Powerball drawing for $50 million or so... The first phone call I'd make, after the money showed up in my bank account, would be to the poker room, telling them to find somebody else to come in the next morning at 6:00 am.

But then what?

If I never had to work again, what would I do with my time?

Of course, every time I buy a lottery ticket or think about playing in the Mother of All Poker Tournaments, I ask myself the same question, so I've had plenty of time to think it through. And truthfully, I'm not sure exactly what I would do, but I've got a couple of alternatives to work with.

The first impulse is to sell all my shiat on Ebay and Craigslist, grab my laptop and passport, and head for the Caribbean, spending the rest of my days pickling my liver and lying in a hammock, and working at least five minutes a day writing that Great American Novel.

On the other hand, if money were no object, I'd probably like to spend a year or two seeing if I had the chops to be a real-live poker pro. I'm afraid, however, that after awhile it would start to feel too much like work. It's interesting to think about, but I dunno. I think I'd get tired of it sooner than most people would expect.

But here's the rub... I'm one of the few people out here that actually likes living in Vegas. You'd be amazed at how many people I know that hate it here. I don't get it. It's a great place to live. So on one hand, I'd kinda like to stay here for awhile. Especially while I'm still single.

But on the other hand, if I had money in the bank, and nothing to do with my time, I'd partner up with Eddie B and spend my days daytrading. I miss the financial world--I was very good at that, and really enjoyed it a lot, and would certainly love to get back into it if I didn't have to answer to a boss or have to go get lectured by the HR department every time I yelled F*CK! at my monitor. If money were truly no object, I'd love to lease an office, put four huge L-shaped desks in the middle of the room, equip the place with the latest technology, and have me, Eddie B, Ed W, and Derek work together as a partnership, trading equities and options all day, bouncing ideas off of each other. That would be ideal.

Eventually, however, I'd answer the call of the sea, and head off on a sailboat and spend ten years or so exploring the Caribbean, the Sea of Cortez, and the South Pacific. But before that happens, I gotta find me a gal that will not only put up with my shiat, but would be into living on a sailboat for years at a time. Oh, and being a good cook would help too...

I dunno. Maybe I am a misanthrope. I joke about it all the time, but I read these people's websites and they all say that they'd spend their time doing volunteer work or helping the disabled or become a teacher. I say god bless 'em--they are obviously better people than I am. But if you want an honest answer from me, I just can't see myself doing that. I think my lack of patience with people would bite me directly on the ass and I'd give up before accomplishing anything. I'm just not wired that way.

So if money were no object, would I still work? If you consider starting a business with my buddies work, then yeah, I would do that. But I'd sure as hell be taking a lot of vacation time. And that's about the only work I'd do besides writing about my travel adventures.

Mikey

I Agree With This Guy

No shiat. Instead of bailing out the geniuses that gave $300,000 mortgages to people making forty grand a year, hows about forgiving all my student loans and then watch how much more money I circulate through the economy every month...

Anyhow...

Man, I've had a heck of a day. I've been busier than shiat. First of all, I was sweating the money, big time, today. For whatever reason--probably because I'm an idiot--I completely forgot to enter into my checkbook the three tanks of gas I bought while on my little jaunt to Phoenix last weekend. Once I got home, I was just oblivious to my finances and just carried on like all was normal. Then checking my account online yesterday, I was hit with an instant WTF? moment, as I was about $200 short of where I thought I was. I can't believe I was that absent-minded.

I panicked for a second, thinking I wasn't going to be able to meet my first-of-the-month obligations, but then, emptying out my wallet, my piggy bank, and the little can I keep the hundies in, plus adding up what was left in the checking account, I realized that I was only about a hundred short. Not too bad, but enough to make me stress at work, knowing that I *had* to make a certain amount of cash before I went home. The problem was, it's the middle of the week, and the poker room is dead again because of that jackpot hitting on Sunday.

Not only that, but it really makes the ass-kicking I took at the poker table yesterday look completely stupid, unnecessary, and irresponsible. I would've never sat down at the table had I known what I was up against. What made it worse is that I couldn't even move money electronically from my investment account--I'd have to wait for settlement and then another couple of days for the ACH thingy to update. So I was quite stuck.

And when I got to work this morning, I was quite disappointed to come in and see that the room was completely empty--there hadn't been a game going for hours. So I sat on my ass watching CNBC for the first two hours, trying to figure out how many downs I needed to make my scratch.

Since it was obviously going to be a slow day, I figured on $15 per half hour, so I'd need six or seven downs in the box, minimum, just to wake up broke tomorrow morning, if not behind. And there were two more dealers scheduled at 11, one at 8 am, and if it didn't pick up, that would've left me with only three downs before getting sent home. It wasn't looking good.

Luckily, the 8 am dealer was one of the players who scored the $5600 on Sunday, so when I told her I needed a couple of extra downs today, she volunteered to give up her tips and stand and brush and work the cashier desk and let me stay in the box for a couple of hours straight. And then, like a new-testament miracle, we had a big turnout for the 11 am tournament, plus enough players to start a second cash game. Oh hell yeah! That never happens.

I ended up getting 'locked down' for almost three hours straight, and I'd made all the money I needed before noon. Once I got out of the cash game tables, I had to do a couple of downs in the tournament, too. I left before it ended, so that cash will be waiting for me in an envelope at the desk when I go in to work tomorrow morning, which will be a nice start to the day.

So it turns out that all my stress this morning was for naught, as my tokes earned today far surpassed the amount I needed when I woke up.

Whew. That was a close one. Normally I don't play with my finances that close to the edge unless it's a real emergency, and I've luckily not been living paycheck-to-paycheck for awhile. But due to sheer forgetfulness, I damn near had a crisis on my hands. But all is well now.

So once I punched out of work, stress free, I headed over to the bank to make a deposit, then stopped at the store to pick up some lunch and a few other groceries. When I got home, I spent some time writing out all those checks that needed to be written, and once the bills were all paid, I still had four bucks left in my checking account and a few twenties left in my wallet. Heh.

Speaking of all things cash-related, I want to thank the kind soul who hit the tip jar the other day. It was an anonymous donation, so I have no idea who it was, but I appreciate it. Every little bit helps--I may have averted some stress today, but I'm fairly certain that this is still going to be a lean month.

Beside my own personal financial crisis today, everything else is just fine. I have learned since yesterday that Kendra does not 'lurk', so whatever activity she was doing by the cashiers cage when I found her yesterday, I don't have a verb handy to assign to it, but it was definitely not lurking.

With that, I think I just got myself out of the doghouse. Heh.

Anyhow, that's about all from around here. I'm spending my evening watching baseball and doing laundry. Yay, life in Vegas! Glamorous, I tell ya.

I'm sure I'll have more stories tomorrow night.

Mikey

Roller Coaster Day

Howdy gang. It's late on Tuesday night and I'm one tuckered out little trooper. I've already dozed off twice while trying to watch SportsCenter (watching Al Davis' corpse read a prepared statement will do that to you), but I wanted to post an update before succumbing to blessed sleep, because I've had such an up-and-down day.

I was up last night playing poker in some ultra-low buy-in tournaments on PokerStars, when one of my longtime readers, Kendra, shot me an email. She's actually here in town now, having moved here earlier this past summer, and had a few questions about my neck of the woods.

We emailed back and forth for about an hour or so, but once I busted out of my tourney, I wanted to shut down the computer, so we just chatted on the phone at that point instead. Eventually, we made plans to get together for a beer on Thursday after I got out of work (which we talked about doing years ago). We decided on a local bar and before heading off to bed sometime after midnight, I had some more social life to look forward to this week.

Anyhow, I got about four hours of sleep, but somehow managed to wake up one minute ahead of my alarm. When I got to work, there was a crazy-action poker game going, and I managed to pocket about a hundred bucks in my first hour and a half of work.

The game broke once the 8:00 am dealer came in, so since I'd had such a great day already, I volunteered to prop the game once again and get it going again. That was a huge mistake, as I didn't see a pocket pair again for two hours, and basically lost my blinds over and over again. Or I'd get a hand just good enough to see the flop, but then it would totally miss me. I just couldn't catch any kind of cards. It sucked, but had I gotten up, the game would've broken anyways, so I wouldn't have been working, either. Talk about a sucky Catch-22 to be in. I *knew* I was gonna get sent home at 10 or 11, so I just stayed in the game, killing time, hoping for a monster hand that never came.

Even the floorman, who was the dealer on Sunday when the jackpot hit and pocketed about $1300 in tokes that half hour, handed me $40 worth of his chips and told me to add it to my bankroll and we'd split the winnings--he had played earlier in the day and had the same shiatty luck I did, but for whatever reason believed that I could pull a hundred bucks back off that table.

It never happened. I finally gave up around noon and headed for home, wondering at just what point the shiatty cards will start hitting somebody else. Since eating in the cafeteria at work is now about as appetizing as mouth-breathing inside of Rennaisance Fair port-o-john, I hadn't eaten all morning and was starving.

I figured I'd just stop and get a burger at Jack In The Box and then head home to catch up on some sleep, wasting an afternoon. Just about the time I was getting my burger out of the little window, my phone started going off. Kendra was texting me, telling me she was at the casino, having gotten out of work early herself and was gonna come down and surprise me.

So I turned around and headed back. Of course, crossing six lanes of traffic on Horizon Ridge Drive, I lost control of my large fountain Coke and spilled it all over the freshly shampood carpet of my passenger's side floorboard. I managed about three bites of my burger before getting back to the casino, so I threw the whole bag in the garbage can, popped in a breath mint and headed back inside.

I found Kendra lurking around by the casino cage, and we headed up to a nice comfy booth up in one of the casino bars, where we settled in for an afternoon of cocktails and pleasant conversation. We had a great visit, and made plans to get together again on Thursday like we originally planned. She had a meeting to go to at 5:15 or so, so we parted ways once we got to the parking garage. It was a nice afternoon that I really enjoyed--we got along well and I'm looking forward to doing it again.

Once we said our goodbyes, I hopped on the elevator and headed up to my truck, a few floors up the ladder.

Just as I was leaving, I saw Beth pulling in, so I drove over to talk to her. But she was clearly not very interested in talking to me, and our visit was over in less than a minute. So I said later and hit the road. The only thing that came from that conversation was that I learned that she'd already quit the spa, so if I want a manicure, I gotta go someplace else. Eh, no biggie...

Anyhow, I've been home ever since, trying to stay awake, but it's a losing battle. Only the dogs barking at joggers or other dog-walkers out on the sidewalk are keeping me from falling over in a puddle of my own drool.

I'm still hungry--three bites of a Bacon-Ultimate Cheeseburger only aroused my appetite without beddin' it back down, and I'm also waiting for a phone call, too. So no sleep just yet. Although, I have some Fritos, sour cream, and that crazy-hot Thai chili sauce downstairs, along with a fridge full of beer, so that might slay the hunger-dragon. Although, I *really* wish Taco Bell was closer, because the idea of that whole fourth-meal thing is relevent to my interests, especially since I've not partaken in the first meal quite yet...

Tomorrow is another early day, so that's all for now.

Mikey

Opportunity Knocks

Unfortunately, sometimes I'm not there to hear the doorbell.

I am just sick right now. Seriously, I feel like I got kicked in the nuts by an angry cocktail waitress. That pit in my stomach is feeling up with disappointment, and I'm afraid I may choke on it.

Ugh.

I just got off the phone with work, just to kinda get a feel for how business was today since the market was tanking, and kinda wondering why I didn't get called in all weekend since the bad-beat jackpot was up over a quarter-million dollars.

Well, the main reason I didn't get called in all weekend was because that the bad-beat jackpot hit yesterday morning. At 8:45 am.

Here's the part that makes me sick... Every day this past week, I sat in the old guy's 4/8 game from 8:00 am until 9:00 am. And would've been doing so again yesterday had I been scheduled. When the jackpot hit (at another property), there were so few players at all of the sister properties around town that the players' share was $5600 each.

Had I been working yesterday, I would've won $5600. When it happened, in our room there were four regular players in the game, the second dealer, and the floorman--Six people playing, each getting a players' share of over five grand. Hell, even if I weren't playing, and dealing at the time instead, I still would've had another thousand dollar day!

Seriously, it feels like a kick to the groin. But it's worse than that because not only did I miss out on a share of the jackpot, work is going to be deathly slow for me for another month.

Mikey

My Last Name Isn't Nearly As Fun

Next time I go to the airport, I'm gonna have this guy paged over the P.A. system, just for laughs.



Mikey

De Demon Rum, Mon!

First of all, I have to say, that going on a Google image search using the term 'rum barrel' is just downright pornographic to somebody like me. Oh good god, if I can choose the way I get to depart this mortal coil, I would like it to be by drowning in a vat of rum. While getting my freak on with a hot redhead. And I would like it to take awhile too, please, thanks.

Anyhow, as I talked about doing sometime ago, it's time to talk about my favorite spirit. No, not the Ghost of Elvis, I'm talking about the kind you drink, and for me, nothing is better than RUM.

Not including wine, I think I have about fifty or sixty bottles of booze on hand, and well over half of them are rum. And there are no repeats, except on occasion when I have two bottles of Captain Morgan on hand. Otherwise, every bottle is a unique variety.

But lets talk about the notables, shall we?

Overall Favorite Rum: This honor goes to Mt. Gay Eclipse rum. It's made in Barbados, and it goes with everything. Coke, Sprite, fruit juice, soda, tonic, on the rocks, ice cream, etc. It also makes the best pina colada ever, hands down, no contest, don't even try to argue. If I had to choose just one bottle of rum to spend the rest of my days with, this would be the one.

Everyday Rum: The original Captain Morgan. I remember the exact day I discovered it--summer of 1990, I was working as a river guide in Alaska, and it was our company photographer's 21st birthday. In addition to a keg of Ranier, we brought home a couple bottles of the Captain to celebrate with. Of course, it was a rocky introduction, as we were doing it as shots (and I can think of not one single rum that should be shot like tequila or whiskey). Anyhow, I survived the first impression 18 years ago, and now it's an old friend. Everybody loves The Captain.

Best Mixer: Captain Morgan Silver. I love regular Captain Morgan, but when it comes to mixableness, the Silver is the way to go. It's a bit smoother, maybe a touch sweeter, and I've never gotten a hangover from it. And it goes so well with fruit juice that I call it my 'breakfast' rum. Some folks drink mimosas or bloody marys--not this cat, give me a Captain Silver and OJ with my brunch, and I'm living the high life.

Best Sippin' Rum: I'll have to go with Pyrat Cask Rum for this one. It's a premium spirit, and it ain't cheap. But it's one that you can have on the rocks, or even sip slowly from a brandy snifter, especially while smoking a fine cigar. It's got a very smooth, complex, and almost smokey flavor, like a good scotch, but not nearly as harsh.

Most Interesting Rum: I'll offer up one that nobody's ever heard of -- Flor de Cana Rum from Nicaragua. I would've never heard of it either, but my buddy Eric sent a bottle along as a gift last summer. It's a premium-type rum, and you won't find it any many places outside of specialty shops. And you'll never find it at the corner bar. But it's got a delightfully dark color to it, almost like coffee, and it's a fine rum for sipping or mixing, whatever you're in the mood for. It is not, however, a beginner's rum. If you're not already a rum drinker, don't start with this one, you probably won't like the first time you drink it. I like it quite a bit, but I may have a more refined palate than most casual rum drinkers. I know that sounds snobby, but like cigars, you don't start off by smoking a Cuban Partagas Rubusto--you won't like it until you've had a few dozen others under your belt, and it'll probably kick your ass anyways. Same with this stuff.

Best Top-Shelf Rum You Can Order at the Bar: Appleton's Estate Rum. Hoya turned me on to this stuff several years ago, and I have to admit, it's pretty damn good. And you can find it almost everywhere. It's made in Jamaica, and it's a bit sweeter than some of my other favorites, but you can't go wrong if it's the main ingredient in umbrella drinks. You might get charged an extra buck or two, but it sure beats the hell out of Bacardi (which I consider to be the Pepsi of the rum universe--successful only as a result of good marketing, not from having a superior product).

Best Rum to Put in Your Christmas Eggnog: I know, some folks scoff at the thought of using anything but bourbon in eggnog. But as we die-hard Caribbean Souls already know, rum makes the holidays better. I have to go with Parrot Bay Coconut Rum here--it's sweet, not harsh at all, and the combo of coconut and eggnog is hard to beat. Besides, you're supposed to top your eggnog with nutmeg anyways, and you know where nutmeg comes from? The same place coconuts do. It's like they were meant to be together. Some folks might go with Malibu here, but here's a dirty little secret--Parrot Bay has a higher alcohol content than Malibu, and sometimes, it's the little things like that that'll help you make it through the holidays when relatives are hanging around. Besides, when you open the bottle and sniff it, it smells like ladies lying on the beach, wearing not much at all. And that turns me on even more than the smell of bacon frying or coffee brewing!

Best Infused Rum: I'm not a huge fan of infused rums--I prefer infused vodkas (which reminds me of something funny Lars said the other night, I prefer my vodka infused with Juniper berries, as he sipped his Bombay Sapphire martini...). Anyhow, if you're going to get a flavored rum, and coconut doesn't blow your skirt up, go with Mt. Gay Vanilla. Rum is naturally sweeter than vodka, and a hint of vanilla makes it even more so. Throw some in a blender with ice and a couple of scoops of high-quality vanilla ice cream, and you've got yourself one helluva milkshake!

Favorite Top-Shelf Rum: I'll have to go with Captain Morgan Private Stock on this one. Very smooth, very easy to drink, it isn't ruined by mixers, but on the downside, you gotta make sure your limes are ripe. For whatever reason, this rum will let you know if the lime is bitter.

Rum You Gotta Have On Your Bar If You Want to be Taken Seriously: Pusser's. It's a product of the British Virgin Islands, the main ingredient of the famous Pusser's Painkiller, and a direct descendant of shipboard 'Grog'. In fact, if you mix it with sodomy and the lash, well, you've got yourself 300+ years of British Naval Tradition in a glass. Actually, it's a pretty damn good rum, and it always seems to sell out fastest down at my local booze-monger's place.

'Just Because' Rum: Myer's Original Dark Rum. This is a tricky one. It's not very good as a stand-alone rum, at least to my taste buds, and there are much better rums to mix out there. But there are a lot of cocktails out there that call for dark rum, so it's a niche that every rum aficianado has to fill. And if you want to enjoy the quintessential Bermudan drink, the Dark & Stormy, you gotta have Myer's. Mix it in a pitcher with ice and Ginger Beer (*not* Ginger Ale), and enjoy. I can almost guarantee you won't like the first one. But by the third one, you'll love it. It's the world's fastest acquired taste.

Worst rums: Oh geez, there are a lot of bad rums out there--Cruzan infused rums are pretty foul, which is a shame since their Estate rums are so good. I don't know why there is such a drop-off in quality. Whaler's Rum, as cool as the bottles are, sucks like crap on a stick, which just goes to show that a nice cover can't disguise a shiatty book. But the worst rum I've ever tasted has to be Captain Morgan Tattoo Rum. Oh lord, I don't know what they were thinking. According to Wikipedia, it was designed to compete with Jaegermeister. To me, it barely competes with dirty bathwater. Seriously--avoid it at all costs.

Anyhow, I prefer to drink my rum Cuba Libre-style, that is, with Coke and lime, as most people do. But fruit juice is always good, especially when I feel like I'm not getting enough vitamins, and on the rare occasion, I'll sip it straight, but that's usually when I'm wearing shoes and a shirt with buttons on it. And I would never drink it straight unless I have a cigar in the other hand.

Of all the spirits, Rum is the best. It may not be as versatile as vodka, but it sure tastes better. Besides, rum is a happy drink, vodka is not. You ever see a Russian smile? Me either. But Caribbean islanders are always grinning. I guess if I lived down there sitting in the sun, barefoot, staring at the ocean, drinking rum all day, I'd be smilin' too.

Mikey

Halfway Through My Morning Coffee

... and I thought Hmmm, maybe I should post a Monday morning update.

So here goes...

First of all, the good news. The Rams fired their head coach last night after losing another game in spectacularly ugly fashion. They're 0-4 and probably gonna be 0-5 because they head to Washington after their bye week. But there's no place to go but up, and my team isn't burdened with expectations this season. So yeah, I'm happy that they're finally doing something to turn their fortunes around, but I'll be shocked if we win three games all year.

And I know I said that I wasn't going to play any poker at PokerStars for awhile, as the bad-beats had gotten to the F.N. Ridiculous level as of late, but last night around 5:30, my phone started beeping at me. It was a reminder of the weekly gathering of Buffoons, but I opted out, citing the fact that I only had $2.65 in my account, and the buy-in was $5.50. Since I'm still a little short-stacked as far as the beginning-of-the-month bills go, there was no way I was depositing any more cash. But then some generous yob transferred three bucks to my account, eliminating my excuse. I paid him back by eliminating him from the tournament an hour later.

It turns out, I actually made it to the money, taking third place. Of course, I broke one of my cardinal rules by ignoring the fact that an Ace is *not* a pair, and it bit me. But I'll take the win--it's been a long time coming.

My weekend was fairly mellow--I got out of work early on Saturday, lost my ass in the college football picks, and then spent all of yesterday lounging around watching NFL and emailing back and forth with a couple of my more engaging readers. I was on-call, but the poker room never called, so I just hung around the house all weekend, opting not to go out and spend money.

Next weekend, however, I have some buffoonery planned. My gal Jen is having a birthday, and we're gonna go out and tie one on. We haven't hung out in FOREVER, as she had found herself a jealous boyfriend awhile back and was off the market completely for a long time. But they recently broke up, she moved out, and we're gonna go out just like old times. It should be lotsa fun. I told her that I'm bringing my Sharpie markers with me, too.

Back in the day, when she first started seeing this guy, before it got too serious, her and I went out one night after work and got a little too drunk. I don't quite remember how it got to that point, but she has quite the ample bosom and I ended up drawing all over her boobs with a Sharpie marker. She went home, passed out, and her boy showed up later and Freaked. The. Hell. Out. Bad times all around... He was still bitching to me about it almost a year later.

Anyhow, now that she's taken the 'L' out of lover and it's over, she suggested that I go Michelangelo all over her Sistine Chapel once again, but this time we take a bunch of pics and send them to her ex.

Always happy to lend a hand...

I don't have much on the agenda for today. I don't think work is gonna call, so the day is mine. I'm gonna finish my pot of coffee, then motivate myself down to the kitchen and make some sausage and biscuits. I may do a load of laundry or two, and dammit, I still have another bookshelf that needs to be put together. I guess I should appreciate the fact that I have a couple of days off, but it's tough when I don't have the resources to fully exploit them.

Mikey

PS. Speaking of Sistine Chapels, imagine the artwork Mikeyangelo could unleash on this old-school canvas!

The Opposite

My name is George. I'm unemployed and live with my parents.

Today, I have done the damn-near-impossible. Seriously, I'm amazed at my ability to f*ck something up to a level of perfection previously unheard of.

My advice to you, dear readers, is that if I ever offer up my opinions on college football, run, don't walk, RUN to the sportsbook, and lay all the money you have on the exact opposite of my picks.

In my hot little hand, I'm holding a six-team parlay ticket on today's action, a $10 play that would pay $410 if I picked each game correctly. This is what I have going:

• Auburn -7 over Tennessee
• Purdue +1.5 over Notre Dame
• East Carolina -10.5 over Houston
• Georgia -6.5 over Alabama
• Nebraska -7 over Virginia Tech
• Penn State -16 over Illinois

Let's see how I'm doing so far.

• Auburn beat Tennessee, but only by 2 points. Loss
• Purdue lost to Notre Dame by 17 points. Loss
• East Carolina lost by 17 points. I missed this one by four touchdowns. Loss
• Georgia is down 31-0 right now. Definitely gonna lose.
• Nebraska is down by 5 points at home as I type this. I'm 13 points in the hole. Not looking good.
• Penn State and Illinois are tied up in Happy Valley, and it's almost halftime. Illinois needs to collapse for me to sniff a victory. Gonna lose this one, too.
  

Perhaps I'll do better in the NFL games tomorrow. Last week I was perfect and cashed a ticket for $140. Let's hope for a repeat.

Otherwise, I suck.

Mikey

A Night On The Town

After I finished off that post last night, I put on some shoes and my eatin' out shirt and waited a few minutes for Lars to show up. He was right on time and we headed off towards Summerlin for our rendezvous with garlic donuts at one of our favorite joints, Chicago Brewing Company.

We figured that the 215 would be a parking lot at 5:30 on a Friday night, especially where it crosses I-15 just south of the Strip. It's always a clusterfuck, but it was quite eerie to make it all the way across town without having to tap the brakes. Seriously, where was all the traffic? The economy must be hurtin', because there were just no cars on the road. So we got there in record time.

Sitting down in the dining room, the first order of business was what kind of beer we were going to have this time around. I think we were both on the same wavelength because we both opted for the Downtown Brown. Oh yeah, it was excellent--a dark beer that's not too heavy, and has lots of flavor, including a generous dollop of 'not bitter'. And it goes well with food, we soon found out.

Appetizers consisted of a plate of calamari and a half order of the garlic knots, which we refer to as 'garlic donuts'. Of course, as soon as they hit the table, we dove into them like vultures on a carcass. Luckily, we remembered to take a picture before they disappeared completely.


I don't know what it is about them that makes them so tasty--it's just bread, butter, spices, and cheese, but damn, talk about being better than the sum of it's parts... We decided that it was a perfect example of synergy food.

A few minutes later, the main courses arrived, and again we both had the same thing. No, we skipped the pizza--the rest of the menu is pretty damn good, and this time we both had the baby-back ribs, basted in Downtown Brown BBQ sauce. They were tender and quite good, although they didn't have the slightest hint of smoky flavor to them. But that's not a complaint, just an observation. It certainly didn't keep us from sucking every bit of meat off the bones and making a complete mess of our hands, faces, and shirts.

Since I'd had no veggies in about 24 hours, I had a side salad with my ribs, but Lars stuck to the menu and had the steak fries. And of course I took a ration of shiat for eating the wussie food, just like the time I had pasta when he had steak. At least the waitress and other patrons weren't mocking me this time, I just had to hear it from Lars.

Anyhow, it was a great meal, and for two plates of ribs, four large beers, and two appetizers, the bill came to $74 before tip. After we paid the bill, our plan was to digest for a bit and head over to the separate bar and smoke some cigars for an hour or two. And we were going to order a couple of pizzas to go so that we'd have some good grub for lunch today.

But when we went over to the bar, the waiter totally ignored us for more than ten minutes, spending all of his time at the next table, the one with the three blonde chicks, so we gave up and headed back to Henderson. We decided that it'd be better to slurp some martinis closer to home anyways, but it wasn't until a half hour later that we remembered that we'd forgotten about the pizzas. Damn.

We made our way over to Sunset Station and hung out in the Martini Bar for a couple of hours, smoking our Partagas Black Labels, drinking Bombay Sapphire martinis, and people watching. After a round of gin berries, I decided to change it up and have a chilled Tuaca. Lars took one look and asked exactly what it was. I made him take a sip before telling him that it was Italian Brandy, and he instantly had another new favorite drink. So it didn't take too much peer pressure from the waitress before another glass landed in front of him, and he was suddenly in his new happy place.

We hung out until the cigars got short and the glasses got empty, and then called it a night. I was just *sure* that I'd get called in to work in the middle of the night, so I figured I should get home and go to bed.

I'm glad that Rabbi Vargas was driving, because I had a seriously cool buzz going. Once I got home, I went straight to bed, thinking my phone was going to ring. But it didn't--I went to work at my normal time, but the floorman said he came really close to calling me in at 3:00 am, but couldn't call me because I'd worked a full eight hours the day before. I have no idea what the rules are or how that works, but regardless, I got a full night's sleep.

Works was very slow today, which I thought was odd, since it's a weekend. I played some cards on the clock in the short-handed old codger's game this morning, and broke exactly even after an hour. But then I got punted out at 10:00 am since we had seven dealers scheduled to be there by 11 o'clock. So I've been home ever since, just watching some college football. And so far, my six-team parlay card looks good...

Anyhow, that's the news from here today. I'm supposed to be off tomorrow and Monday, but I told them to put me on call--I'd like to pick up another shift before the rent is due on Tuesday. If I don't work, well, I'm just gonna be hanging around the house, not spending any money for the next couple of days.

Mikey

PS--Here's a recent photo of 'Rabbi Vargas':